I tried so hard to get the page for Monday finished, but it was all just too much. I can’t keep the days straight in my head but Dad and I rushed up to Springs because Mom had developed blood clots in her legs after having the ones in her lung removed. The entire extended family came to say goodbye just in case. They somehow stabilized her and everyone eventually left, apart from my sister, who stood watch. We went back the next day and things seemed stable. She was conversing with her grandson and things seemed like they were not quite so dire. Dad and I intended to spend one day art home to rest, but Mom took a turn in the morning, so we rushed back again. She was distressed when we arrived but they were working to get her back to a state where she could make decisions for herself again. We had that difficult series of discissions you have to have at times like these.
Mom’s prognosis was never good, but there was some level of hope at the start. Especially after the brain tumor didn’t claim her, but things didn’t go the way they probably should have at one point and complications arose. She responded very poorly to chemo. So here we are.
Doctors don’t like to give people an expected time remaining because it has adverse effects on the patient, but there comes a point where anyone can begin to do the math based on what’s going on.
As it stands now everyone at least got a chance to see her if the worst happens suddenly. Now we wait and see what the final score is going to be.
I am supposed to get regular phlebotomies, but when this started however long ago I stopped having them because they make me weak for a couple of days. I didn’t want to take a chance on mom needing me and not being able to summon up what strength I still have. I have reached a point where I’m entering the danger zone and can’t put them off any longer. So tomorrow I won’t be able to return to mom’s side. I have to get the procedure done. My sleep was already tortured because of the stress, which is part of what caused my numbers to get so bad, but it was particularly bad over the last week of trying to figure out what we needed to do to care for Mom and then the disaster. I tried to work on things when I was in the waiting area, but I was worried about taking my main computer up there so I used my backup. Unfortunately it crashed and lost all the work I did. Today I tried to do it with my actual main Surface, but I simply couldn’t maintain my focus after someone finally really spelled out the reality of Mom’s situation without sugar coating it. In twenty years I’ve never had a situation where I didn’t have something to present on a posting day. I think it’s fitting that my mother was the only person who could break that streak. It is so hard to imagine a world without her light in it. She is the last person left in the world who I ever did anything with hopes of impressing. I wanted her to live to see the next part of the comic because I really think it’s going to be some of my best work. She knows the real event it’s based on all too well. I just wasn’t fast enough. I thought we were going to get time to rest after everything with Grandma. I thought we were going to go places and look at the historical things we always talked about. It all seems so cruel.
And yet, when I was all alone, sitting in the waiting area, I sincerely thanked god for making me her son. Thanked god for giving us a few moths where I drove her around and did banal things we liked to do. The big occasions in life aren’t what I will treasure in my memory. Hearing the stories she told over and over, 4th of July fireworks, going to town to shop, that’s what I’ll ache for.

I don’t know what to do. My heart hurts so much. When I’m alone I can’t stop sobbing. Why is reality set up like this? Why her? Why now? She’s so good and loving and wonderful.
She let me live this crazy dream of mine. Helped me make it happen. No matter how much of a nitwit I am she loved me all the same. Called me a blessing from the day I was born.
A blessing. Me.
How are we supposed to go on without her?
Without that pure, unconditional, love?

She wants me to finish the books she was writing…
How could I ever? I’m not worthy of that.

I can’t keep going on like this. I have things to do tomorrow. How do you just turn off grief?

She told me she wants me to keep the comic going. I will. I don’t know how I’ll keep going right now, but somehow I will. I’ll take care of Dad so she won’t have to worry. Right now I don’t know how but I’ll find a way.

I don’t know what Wednesday will bring. Hopefully after my procedure I’ll be able to sit down and work and mom will improve at least enough to get out of the ICU and into wherever she’ll spend the rest of her time.

I’m sorry that I couldn’t power through this for you. I’ve always been very open about my life so many of you have been on this two decade journey with me for a very long time. You’ve stayed with me in good times and very very bad. Because of you all I’ve been able to have a very nice life for at least a decade as far as things like insurance go. You have my endless gratitude for that. I hope you won’t abandon me now.

Whatever happens I will keep presenting status updates on the normal posting days. That way you won’t get out of the habit of checking. Okay, I really have to at least try to sleep somehow. I’ll see you on Wednesday.

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My deepest condolences.

I’m so sorry. Take whatever time you need. We understand, and we’ll be waiting when you come back.

I’ve already been reading this story since I was a high schooler and I imagine I’ll be reading it for a good while longer. Even with a missed day or even a week, I will still show up.

I don’t know that I’m good at offering any comforting words, but my heart goes out to you, your mother, and your family as a whole, Jackie.

This fucking sucks dude, I’m sorry.

Sending lots of support. Rest well.

Please take all the time you need, nothing is more important than being there when you can while you can

Hey man, take a break. We, your readers will wait. You have a good audience of people who genuinely care for you, and you need that break. We’ll be here. Your family is in my prayers, and I know the pain of losing a parent all too well.

Do what you can do, live life a bit away from the comic for a while if you must. Draw other things, scenes, characters, post on Patreon; maybe random things. Focus on your family first.

I’ve been reading since 2008. I seldom feel the need to comment and when I do, my brain tells me my words won’t mean anything and I save it for another day. Heck I’ve been been an on and off Patron a couple of times even. This comic, and by extension you, have been part of my life for 18 years. And I mean this with every fiber of my being — it’s more than okay. Take it a couple of hours at a time, then a couple of days at a time, then however long it takes to keep taking. I can only speak to your relationship with your mom in so far as what you’ve written, but the regard she holds you in is worthiness enough for at least /this/ anonymous reader to sincerely and whole heartedly wish you and your family my best.

We love you Jackie.

Take all the break you need.

Thank you for the picture of Mike, we can enjoy his adorable chunkiness until whenever you are ready.

Family comes first, before work, whatever your work is.

And remember, your reactions are normal. Sobbing is normal. Not concentrating is normal. Wondering how to go on is normal. You are not weak, or lesser, or underdeserving.

My love to you and yours. We will be here later. Don’t worry about us.

Oooo I did the accidental reply button. Hi R!

Get some sleep Jackie.
We tell you not to worry about posting and we mean it so we all know how hard headed you are…a couple misses is going to do nothing but make you more focused when you come back and make us all feel better knowing you have taken time to stabilize yourself. And when you come back it will help you feel closer to mom. But in the mean time rest. You need it. And more importantly. Mom Needs you and needs you well rested. Hang in there this is not the time to be worried about us or the comic. We are with you. We have been with you. We aren’t going anywhere. Rest and stay close to mom. Posting this much is already above and beyond.

Even in corporate America, you have options for bereavement and family emergencies, so try not to sweat it here. We all care in one way or another, or we wouldn’t be here. This comic outlasted the long term partner of a decade who introduced me to it, it has been my comfort and my hope, more reliable than most of the people in my life, and I will always return to check on my favorite group of weirdos stumbling through life.

You’re going through a loss and a trauma, so please be gentle with yourself. Everything else can wait while you navigate this because you can’t continue shit if you aren’t taken care of, too. I love you as much as one can love a stranger on the internet, and I’m praying to whatever powers be for you and your family.

Corporate America is getting meaner. Last month I cared for my dying loved one and held his hand while he died, then applied for bereavement leave. The day he died, the company denied me bereavement leave and revoked my carer’s leave that had already been approved and taken. Eleven days later they let me go, and said they didn’t need to give me bereavement leave because they’d silently decided to let me go before I applied for it. This was Google, which used to be known as a good place to work.

I’m so sorry you’re going through all this. Please take all the time you need, we’re not going anywhere.

Take as long as you need.
I’m sure someone will mind – it’s the Internet.
PLEASE don’t let them get to you.
The people who matter will understand.
The people who don’t understand don’t matter.
Condolences and sympathy.
Whatever you feel you can do whenever you feel you can do it is okay.

Good wishes to you and your loved ones at this stressful time! Worry not about followers, I haven’t been a contributor as I should have been, but I’ll still be a follower till you or I check out. Take care of yourself, or you cant take care of anyone else.

I don’t know what to say and have no idea what you’re personally going through emotionally right now. My deepest sympathy for you and your family.

I’ve been a long time reader and always enjoy your work as it’s often a bright spot during the week.
You’ve created something special and people care about you and the world you’ve created.

You gotta take care of yourself though, so take a break to get your own shit squared away for yourself and your family.

Be strong and do what you gotta do.

I have only had the pleasure of discovering this comic this year, and read through the entire backlog in around 2 months, it’s already so agonising only being able to read 3 entries a week as it is, I just don’t know how I’d be able to cope with a hiatus at this stage. I jest of course, take time to be with your family, take time to be with your self, take time to breathe and to process things. Come back when you have the strength, and if it takes a month, fine. If it takes a year, fine. I’ll still be here, checking the updates 3 times a week. Much love from a random reader in New Zealand

Take care of yourself. Take the time you need. We’ll be here when you’re ready.

I’m so sorry for all that’s going on, Jackie. I do hope for your sake that she does get through this, but for however long she still has in this world, love and cherish the time with her. Share funny stories, happy memories, and all the weird and wonderful and sad and banal things that life is composed of.

I am so very very sorry. I want to give you a big hug. Take the time you need, whether that’s a couple hours extra, or a day or two, or a vacation, or a hiatus, or whatever. Whatever time you need. I think it’s time for an archive binge again, right gang?

Exactly.

*this.

Go, man, rest. You’ve basically never missed a page; you’ve long earned a break, and nothing could matter more than the time you take.

…I’m very, very sorry, Jackie.
I’ve asked people for prayers for: you, + your Mom, + your Dad, + [for your family, + the friends of your family.]
I aplogize,…I’ve had some bad, family news recently, so I can’t say that I’m being “unemotional” in talking about many things, right now.
The news you’ve gotten just stinks so much, + I’m so, stinking sorry. I really am.

Some past history: Around 2013, is when I 1st found your comic. that year my family was having some really, really, rocky times. I’m not trying to be dramatic as crap, but- then 3 years after that, my Mom had a medical episode + then passed on.

…from 2013-2016…and maybe for four years after that as well…about your comic- your fun, + well drawn, + very entertaining comic… help keep me afloat, + helped me not- sink into a horrid mood that would make me feel like a valueless, selfish, worthless, hopeless, + callous human being, all of the time.

You helped keep me afloat, during those times.

You helped keep me afloat.
Dammit…to hell with what the internet thinks of me…I’m getting tearful about this. To blazes will their opinion.
Please believe me when I say this: You’re a great guy to me, Jackie, + many other people. We really think so.

Please take off time if you need to, from this comic, or from anything…as much as you need to.
We don’t need or want you to tax yourself, or harm yourself, by your…maybe trying to keep the comic going, when you need to instead: take care of your health, or take care other things that you need.
Please take care of you first, + then help others, if you would, please.
You’re a great guy, Jackie, + we all think of you in high regard.
I hope that things will improve for you and your family.

I’m wishing you + everyone the best,
Peace, + love, + tranquility find you,
TRA

You and your comic have been a constant companion since I was in high school circa 2010. I don’t think I have ever seen you delay a single day.

In that time so many stories have ended or disappeared with no resolution, while others continue in whatever form is necessary.

If the other comments are any indication, then from one more person who opens the page every Tuesday, and Thursday knowing full well that it’s not the update day but that checking is still part of my daily routine. I’ll be here when you are. So take care and spend the time you have how you think the you a year from now would want it spent.

My mom passed in March. I understand. I did continue to go to work, didn’t even take bereavement, but that’s because it was my way of escape; I didn’t want to sit down at home, alone, and stew in the misery. Didn’t even get to say goodbye, she just died suddenly (though it wasn’t a surprise either, we just didn’t know when it would happen), and we had no funeral because my brother and I were really the only people left to attend one. It felt like nothing changed, and yet, everything changed; I haven’t felt the same since, even though I can’t really identify what specifically is different. It’s like I entered a parallel dimension, where everything is basically the same yet subtly off, because I can’t quite believe she isn’t here.

Point is, the circumstances are different, but I’ve been through the same cruelty of fate. Then my final remaining cat died, just to add to the pile. Not much you can do but keep going, as they would have wanted. Not that you can’t take time off, you can, all that you need, but ultimately, the only way I’ve found is forward, buoyed by memories, to whatever tomorrow brings, and avoid living in regret.

I wish you the best. I also hope you take care of yourself, so you can honor your mom’s wishes.

Hey man. Be with your mom. Don’t worry about us, while we all love this comic and certainly want to see what happens next…

You have someone with you right now that won’t be around forever. Take a break, be with her. We’ll be here when you’re back.

Im so sorry. My heart aches and I’m crying. Please, take care of yourself and be with your mom and your family. The loved ones in your life are precious. Be with them now. The comic isn’t the priority right now. The lengths you’ve gone to while trying mean the world to hear. Be well and be where you’re needed.

I’m so sorry, and please, know that ‘continuing the comic’ absolutely includes ‘taking a break to deal with the worst’.
We’ll be here. We love the comic and appreciate you highly.
Your mother knows what you’re worth: you can trust her about that.
I wish you and yours all possible comfort and support.

I have always felt grateful for being able to read your comic and your words, Jackie. I agree with your mom that you are a blessing upon this earth. I imagine you have helped a lot of people with what you do just as much as people have helped you. In times like these, the only thing you owe us is spending time with your loved ones as much as you can. I look forward to seeing the rest of your story, but that can wait while you attend to the other important things in your life. I’m wishing you nothing but the best of outcomes.

Don’t worry about us and this comic, family take precedent!
You take whatever time you need!
Those of us who love you and your work will wait.
Cry when you need to, sleep when you want to, eat when you can, but keep loving your Mum, she raised a great guy!
All our love from our side of the pond.

My condolences on the pain, lost my dad a couple years back to brain cancer and reading what you are going through reminds me of it all.

I have been reading since the beginning and want nothing but the best for yours. Thoughts prayers and well wishes your way.

Take the time as needed for your mum. Condolences on her condition and still keeping her in our prayers.

I’m so sorry. I know nothing I say can make it better, but please know there’s a sympathetic person out there on the internet hoping you go easy on yourself. Losing parents is awful.

The death, or anticipated death, of a parent is hard. Especially a mother. Take the time you need to cope with the enormity of what is before you. I wish you all the best.

Please take a break to spend as much time as you can with your Mom. We all know that you think taking a break and failing to post a page is failing you and us, but this is not true. What would be failing right now would be to take care of us more than of your mom.

Carry what you can and let the void have the rest. Be with your family while you can, we’ll be here when you get back.

I am so sorry for you.
Please take the time you need,

We will be here when you return. Your stories bring joy tomany people, and i’m sure your mother knows that.

There are no words for this pain. Hugs and condolences.

You mentioned that, should the worst happen, your mom wanted you to finish the books she was writing, and that you felt you were unworthy of such a task. I don’t think she would ask that of you if she didn’t think you were capable of it. She believes you can, and I think that carries more weight than your doubts about your ability to do so should the worst come to pass.

You also asked how you could shut off grief, and I’m sure you already know, but you can’t; the only way out is through. Take time to feel your feelings, embrace them, cause whether you want to or not, eventually they’ll MAKE you embrace them.

I’ll pray for your mothers condition to improve, and that against all odds she’ll able to beat this.

My heart goes out to you and yours, Jackie.

I wish you strength for all what is going around (and within) you!

Take whatever time you need. I know how much it sucks to feel helpless while a family member is possibly dying. Lost my grandmother, brother, and step-dad, one after the other all within the last 5 years. Only a couple immediate family members left. There are still days where just getting out of bed to handle necessities takes an act of will.

Wishing you strength, love and health, Jackie. Please take all the time you need to take care of the things that need doing and the people that need caring (not in the last place yourself!), we’ll be here for you when you return. …We all owe your mum a húge debt of gratitude for all her help with, and influence on, your comic (and with that making áll our lives just that little bit better)!!

Rest up Jackie and take some time for yourself. We will all be here when you are ready to return. We’re all thinking of you and your family as you all go through this incredibly difficult time. Take care of yourself and we’ll be here when you get back. <3

I’m very sorry for you Jackie. This is something you don’t wish on anyone.
I can tell you up front: You don’t shut off grief, because it’ll come bite you in the ass later on if you do.
You allow it to happen, and then set it aside to revisit later.
At first it will be long bouts of grief, but it’ll get less over time.
You make some time for it on a daily basis and then pick yourself up again and move on with your day. Then after a while it’ll be weekly and even later monthly moments, and it’s going to come back at holidays and other special days you normally spend together, like birthdays etc. But that’s okay: you are allowed your grief.

Hey Jackie,
We are here, we will continue to be here, in any way we can.
It’s not about pages, it’s not about ‘powering through’. drawing while your heart is breaking isn’t needed by us.

We’d like to know how you are, so check in when you can, but your focus right now is your Mom, and your wider family. Be where you need to be, but remember, and remind you Mom when appropriate, we are here, we care, we understand.

Figuring out what comes next for comics and writing is a weight for tomorrow, dont try to pick that weight up now if you dont need to. And I’m sure if you need a hand with that load if you reach out, someone here will be able to help.

And consider this, the answer to “Without that pure, unconditional, love?” is simple.
You don’t, because it never goes away, you carry it in what you do, who you are, and how you pay that love forwards in the world and in your art.
That love made you who you are, so honour it, be worthy of it in the way your Mom would want you to.

When my Dad died, I took comfort in an idea by Terry Practchet, to paraphrase, while a person’s name and memory is still spoken and echoes, they are never gone. through every life they touched.

Your Mom, through you, has an army, well more an unruly horde, but the point stands.

“Never Alone, Faithful ALways, Together we are legion”.

My dude, take care of your family and yourself. We will be giving you our thoughts and prayers and hoping for the best for you and your family. If you need some gap time to take care of things, we will still be here when you’re ready.

Take the time needed. ALL of it. If not already done and strong enough to, if she is able to write down anything or be verbally recorded and had that One recipe, story, thing she does that she wishes to pass on. Now the time for that, as can. If not too heavy. If she can be cleared to move/travel anywhere and had a last days destination Go There don’t end in a hospital unless no choice. Hospices are great for this if able.

As a person who lost her mom suddenly and unexpectedly…it’s okay to take a break and spend the time you need with your mom. No one is going to be upset if you need to take an extended break. You need to also take care of yourself too.

Do what is needed for you and yours. We’ll be here when you return.

Best wishes to you and your family. Don’t worry about the comic, we all understand that some days life just kicks your ass and it sounds like life decided to make you the patsy in a WWE special.

Take care of your family and yourself and find the small wins where you can to help offset the loss. If that’s taking a walk to get out of the house or spending time with your family instead of working on the comic then do that, don’t worry about us or feel guilty for what you “owe” us. You do this because you enjoy it and and can share it with us, we’ll still be here when you’re ready.

This makes me so sad. I remember the last couple months before my wife died, and it was all I could do to maintain my sanity-saving routine. Some days I had to endure her tearful calls to come see her right away in the hospital because I needed an hour or two more with myself. Now of course I have ALL the time to myself.

Your comments on being blessed by her unconditional love are right on. Cling to that. In the worst times I thank God for bringing her to me and me to her. I have a sign now on the wall in the living room: “Don’t cry that it’s over, but rejoice that it happened.”

She’s been a great mother, and you’ve been a good son. Take all the time you need — no one will think less of you.

Jackie,

Tons of other people have already said it but this internet stranger will as well.

Take all the time you need. Take some time off and just be with your Mom. Your community understands and will be here in any way you need.

My family will be praying for yours. You’ll get through this, we all believe in you and love you and your work. If we didn’t we wouldn’t be here.

Take care, seriously. Be good to yourself.

Technical Difficulties.

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