I tried so hard to get the page for Monday finished, but it was all just too much. I can’t keep the days straight in my head but Dad and I rushed up to Springs because Mom had developed blood clots in her legs after having the ones in her lung removed. The entire extended family came to say goodbye just in case. They somehow stabilized her and everyone eventually left, apart from my sister, who stood watch. We went back the next day and things seemed stable. She was conversing with her grandson and things seemed like they were not quite so dire. Dad and I intended to spend one day art home to rest, but Mom took a turn in the morning, so we rushed back again. She was distressed when we arrived but they were working to get her back to a state where she could make decisions for herself again. We had that difficult series of discissions you have to have at times like these.
Mom’s prognosis was never good, but there was some level of hope at the start. Especially after the brain tumor didn’t claim her, but things didn’t go the way they probably should have at one point and complications arose. She responded very poorly to chemo. So here we are.
Doctors don’t like to give people an expected time remaining because it has adverse effects on the patient, but there comes a point where anyone can begin to do the math based on what’s going on.
As it stands now everyone at least got a chance to see her if the worst happens suddenly. Now we wait and see what the final score is going to be.
I am supposed to get regular phlebotomies, but when this started however long ago I stopped having them because they make me weak for a couple of days. I didn’t want to take a chance on mom needing me and not being able to summon up what strength I still have. I have reached a point where I’m entering the danger zone and can’t put them off any longer. So tomorrow I won’t be able to return to mom’s side. I have to get the procedure done. My sleep was already tortured because of the stress, which is part of what caused my numbers to get so bad, but it was particularly bad over the last week of trying to figure out what we needed to do to care for Mom and then the disaster. I tried to work on things when I was in the waiting area, but I was worried about taking my main computer up there so I used my backup. Unfortunately it crashed and lost all the work I did. Today I tried to do it with my actual main Surface, but I simply couldn’t maintain my focus after someone finally really spelled out the reality of Mom’s situation without sugar coating it. In twenty years I’ve never had a situation where I didn’t have something to present on a posting day. I think it’s fitting that my mother was the only person who could break that streak. It is so hard to imagine a world without her light in it. She is the last person left in the world who I ever did anything with hopes of impressing. I wanted her to live to see the next part of the comic because I really think it’s going to be some of my best work. She knows the real event it’s based on all too well. I just wasn’t fast enough. I thought we were going to get time to rest after everything with Grandma. I thought we were going to go places and look at the historical things we always talked about. It all seems so cruel.
And yet, when I was all alone, sitting in the waiting area, I sincerely thanked god for making me her son. Thanked god for giving us a few moths where I drove her around and did banal things we liked to do. The big occasions in life aren’t what I will treasure in my memory. Hearing the stories she told over and over, 4th of July fireworks, going to town to shop, that’s what I’ll ache for.

I don’t know what to do. My heart hurts so much. When I’m alone I can’t stop sobbing. Why is reality set up like this? Why her? Why now? She’s so good and loving and wonderful.
She let me live this crazy dream of mine. Helped me make it happen. No matter how much of a nitwit I am she loved me all the same. Called me a blessing from the day I was born.
A blessing. Me.
How are we supposed to go on without her?
Without that pure, unconditional, love?

She wants me to finish the books she was writing…
How could I ever? I’m not worthy of that.

I can’t keep going on like this. I have things to do tomorrow. How do you just turn off grief?

She told me she wants me to keep the comic going. I will. I don’t know how I’ll keep going right now, but somehow I will. I’ll take care of Dad so she won’t have to worry. Right now I don’t know how but I’ll find a way.

I don’t know what Wednesday will bring. Hopefully after my procedure I’ll be able to sit down and work and mom will improve at least enough to get out of the ICU and into wherever she’ll spend the rest of her time.

I’m sorry that I couldn’t power through this for you. I’ve always been very open about my life so many of you have been on this two decade journey with me for a very long time. You’ve stayed with me in good times and very very bad. Because of you all I’ve been able to have a very nice life for at least a decade as far as things like insurance go. You have my endless gratitude for that. I hope you won’t abandon me now.

Whatever happens I will keep presenting status updates on the normal posting days. That way you won’t get out of the habit of checking. Okay, I really have to at least try to sleep somehow. I’ll see you on Wednesday.

21 Comments

My deepest condolences.

I’m so sorry. Take whatever time you need. We understand, and we’ll be waiting when you come back.

I’ve already been reading this story since I was a high schooler and I imagine I’ll be reading it for a good while longer. Even with a missed day or even a week, I will still show up.

I don’t know that I’m good at offering any comforting words, but my heart goes out to you, your mother, and your family as a whole, Jackie.

This fucking sucks dude, I’m sorry.

Sending lots of support. Rest well.

Please take all the time you need, nothing is more important than being there when you can while you can

Hey man, take a break. We, your readers will wait. You have a good audience of people who genuinely care for you, and you need that break. We’ll be here. Your family is in my prayers, and I know the pain of losing a parent all too well.

Do what you can do, live life a bit away from the comic for a while if you must. Draw other things, scenes, characters, post on Patreon; maybe random things. Focus on your family first.

I’ve been reading since 2008. I seldom feel the need to comment and when I do, my brain tells me my words won’t mean anything and I save it for another day. Heck I’ve been been an on and off Patron a couple of times even. This comic, and by extension you, have been part of my life for 18 years. And I mean this with every fiber of my being — it’s more than okay. Take it a couple of hours at a time, then a couple of days at a time, then however long it takes to keep taking. I can only speak to your relationship with your mom in so far as what you’ve written, but the regard she holds you in is worthiness enough for at least /this/ anonymous reader to sincerely and whole heartedly wish you and your family my best.

We love you Jackie.

Get some sleep Jackie.
We tell you not to worry about posting and we mean it so we all know how hard headed you are…a couple misses is going to do nothing but make you more focused when you come back and make us all feel better knowing you have taken time to stabilize yourself. And when you come back it will help you feel closer to mom. But in the mean time rest. You need it. And more importantly. Mom Needs you and needs you well rested. Hang in there this is not the time to be worried about us or the comic. We are with you. We have been with you. We aren’t going anywhere. Rest and stay close to mom. Posting this much is already above and beyond.

Even in corporate America, you have options for bereavement and family emergencies, so try not to sweat it here. We all care in one way or another, or we wouldn’t be here. This comic outlasted the long term partner of a decade who introduced me to it, it has been my comfort and my hope, more reliable than most of the people in my life, and I will always return to check on my favorite group of weirdos stumbling through life.

You’re going through a loss and a trauma, so please be gentle with yourself. Everything else can wait while you navigate this because you can’t continue shit if you aren’t taken care of, too. I love you as much as one can love a stranger on the internet, and I’m praying to whatever powers be for you and your family.

I’m so sorry you’re going through all this. Please take all the time you need, we’re not going anywhere.

Take as long as you need.
I’m sure someone will mind – it’s the Internet.
PLEASE don’t let them get to you.
The people who matter will understand.
The people who don’t understand don’t matter.
Condolences and sympathy.
Whatever you feel you can do whenever you feel you can do it is okay.

Good wishes to you and your loved ones at this stressful time! Worry not about followers, I haven’t been a contributor as I should have been, but I’ll still be a follower till you or I check out. Take care of yourself, or you cant take care of anyone else.

I don’t know what to say and have no idea what you’re personally going through emotionally right now. My deepest sympathy for you and your family.

I’ve been a long time reader and always enjoy your work as it’s often a bright spot during the week.
You’ve created something special and people care about you and the world you’ve created.

You gotta take care of yourself though, so take a break to get your own shit squared away for yourself and your family.

Be strong and do what you gotta do.

I have only had the pleasure of discovering this comic this year, and read through the entire backlog in around 2 months, it’s already so agonising only being able to read 3 entries a week as it is, I just don’t know how I’d be able to cope with a hiatus at this stage. I jest of course, take time to be with your family, take time to be with your self, take time to breathe and to process things. Come back when you have the strength, and if it takes a month, fine. If it takes a year, fine. I’ll still be here, checking the updates 3 times a week. Much love from a random reader in New Zealand

Take care of yourself. Take the time you need. We’ll be here when you’re ready.

I’m so sorry for all that’s going on, Jackie. I do hope for your sake that she does get through this, but for however long she still has in this world, love and cherish the time with her. Share funny stories, happy memories, and all the weird and wonderful and sad and banal things that life is composed of.

I am so very very sorry. I want to give you a big hug. Take the time you need, whether that’s a couple hours extra, or a day or two, or a vacation, or a hiatus, or whatever. Whatever time you need. I think it’s time for an archive binge again, right gang?

Exactly.

*this.

Go, man, rest. You’ve basically never missed a page; you’ve long earned a break, and nothing could matter more than the time you take.

…I’m very, very sorry, Jackie.
I’ve asked people for prayers for: you, + your Mom, + your Dad, + [for your family, + the friends of your family.]
I aplogize,…I’ve had some bad, family news recently, so I can’t say that I’m being “unemotional” in talking about many things, right now.
The news you’ve gotten just stinks so much, + I’m so, stinking sorry. I really am.

Some past history: Around 2013, is when I 1st found your comic. that year my family was having some really, really, rocky times. I’m not trying to be dramatic as crap, but- then 3 years after that, my Mom had a medical episode + then passed on.

…from 2013-2016…and maybe for four years after that as well…about your comic- your fun, + well drawn, + very entertaining comic… help keep me afloat, + helped me not- sink into a horrid mood that would make me feel like a valueless, selfish, worthless, hopeless, + callous human being, all of the time.

You helped keep me afloat, during those times.

You helped keep me afloat.
Dammit…to hell with what the internet thinks of me…I’m getting tearful about this. To blazes will their opinion.
Please believe me when I say this: You’re a great guy to me, Jackie, + many other people. We really think so.

Please take off time if you need to, from this comic, or from anything…as much as you need to.
We don’t need or want you to tax yourself, or harm yourself, by your…maybe trying to keep the comic going, when you need to instead: take care of your health, or take care other things that you need.
Please take care of you first, + then help others, if you would, please.
You’re a great guy, Jackie, + we all think of you in high regard.
I hope that things will improve for you and your family.

I’m wishing you + everyone the best,
Peace, + love, + tranquility find you,
TRA

Technical Difficulties.

21 Comments

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