It is Tuesday morning as I write this. 2:14 AM to be precise as of this sentence. I am listening to Dirtmouth from the Hollow Knight OST on a loop. In 4 hours I will take Mom to the doctor for a check in and I will likely have a phlebotomy. My sleep pattern is in such disarray I’m not sure if I should try to sleep, or just keep going and sleep after everything is done. I slept for a large portion of yesterday because mom spent the back half of it working in her office so I didn’t feel the need to hover about and monitor her comings and goings. She has regained much of her former strength in less than a week, but I worry that she might get complacent and wander someplace on the property and trip, or something. I’ve never been someone who can just sleep on command. Being someone who can is something I very much desire, but I am not wired that way. It takes a very long time for me to fall asleep even when I am extremely tired and just about as long to wake up. The bipap has mitigated that to some degree but it has needed replacing for quite some time and doesn’t perform quite as well as it could anymore. Much like its user. That said, the doctor told me that having 5 apnea episodes a night was actually pretty good and not worth worrying about. 22 is apparently the beginning of the worry zone. Or something like that. I forget the exact conversation. Anyway, after our various appointments there is nothing in particular to do, so I could sleep then. In theory. I still need to do Friday’s page but I have a little room to work with. Of course when I’m down a pint of blood I’m not the reliable busy bee I might otherwise be, so I prefer to get ahead of that. At this point it can’t be helped. I don’t have the mental strength left to properly write the page, so I simply have to accept that and probably try and rest for 3 hours. Each moment I sit here typing a little more of that time is ground away. I’ve always hated the way living on a schedule throws the milling of time into stark contrast.

In the interest of being able to drive tomorrow I guess I’ll cut this off here. On Friday I will return with something resembling the next page. Until then, I hope the middle of the week treats you kindly.

XOXO
Jackie

Posts authored by Jackie

3016 Help Will Always Be Given.