2393 Oh My.

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I think Reggie has a need to be understood & doesn’t always know how to get to that point. He gets caught up in toxic thinking that starts from fixating on a goal. He sees the goal and plans out the steps & when you can skip a step it takes him time to adjust, because he’s got an idea of how things are supposed to go locked in. This is probably why he ends up causing accidents. Instead of reacting to reality he reacts to how he thinks reality should be, or the idea of reality he constructed for himself in his head. Part of that is probably just the wiring of his head & can’t be changed without a lot of retraining. Still, he is learning to adapt and actually see things the way they are instead of how he wants. Not everyone gets to that point, so he’s making progress. You can make sure he continues to have his progress presented to you by supporting my work on patreon or whatever. Links on places. Monetize!

Real life talk ahead. Final warning to people who hate hearing about me as an actual human.

I appreciate all the kind words concerning my grandmother. I didn’t respond to most of them, and didn’t make a note about it on Wednesday because I just don’t want to think about it. I need to be functional or I become a burden on others, so I’m making the choice to kick my emotional wellbeing down the road until I can deal with it. Grieving is a luxury I can’t take part in right now. I’m already teetering on the edge of severe depression & I don’t feel like indulging it. Someday I’ll be able to talk about things but I’ll choose the day. That said, thoughts come to me unbidden sometimes & there’s nothing I can do but be sad for a moment. I will miss my grandmother for the remainder of my life, so I have all that time to be sad. Or maybe not very long at all. I don’t know how long I’m going to live after all. In any case I have to be productive to survive. So I will soldier on. Don’t think that I don’t appreciate your support though. Sometimes it feels like the only thing keeping me going.