717 All Toasters Toast Toast.

Crave–

I’ve been a Hitchcock fan since he signed the Declaration uh, had his own show (I’m barely old enough to remember it in first runs when I was five) and we used to watch the reruns after school when we were kids.

Having worked at a nuke plant on the shore, I had to deal with seagulls a lot. I don’t like dealing with one of those feathered hyenas, and I think four or five determined gulls could probably take out a grown man.

It would probably only require three gulls to take out Reggie… Geez, talk about the pot calling the kettle black, he’s one to describe someone else weird.

–Perfesser

The damage caused by a mixed species flock of birds where they to try to kill everyone would be best divided in to four categories:
1) Birds clogging things up or breaking them (aircraft engines, ventilation systems, ect…)
2) Birds scaring people in to doing something stupid (like crashing a motor-vehicle at speed)
3) Birds actually directly injuring people (peck, scratch, bite, and suicidal diving, depending on species)
4) Infection caused by any combination of injuries inflicted by un-clean natural weapons and proximity to what is likely to be a very large amount of rotting meat (from anything that died in the bird attacks)

1, 2, and 4 are more or less self explanatory things. 3 is relative to the specific type of birds attacking you, but given the size and power of your average bird, it is likely to amount to a “death by 1000 stings” kind of thing to anyone not wearing well designed armor made of metal or other sufficiently hard and durable material (plastic, rubber, wood, cloth, and leather/hide can be easily worn through given enough time and their numbers, unprotected spots like around joints or “viewing holes” over the face would be crippling, while things like ring or chain armor may not provide sufficient resistance to the puncturing capabilities of certain types of claws).

My recommendation: A properly shaped metal cage over buildings and vehicles, vehicles move slowly. Depending on your location and equipment, a lighter and an aerosol can of something flammable should make for a very effective weapon.

I’m not skilled in the construction of personal body armor, so you will have to talk to someone that is to find out how to make armor w/o the flaws that I pointed out for individual people.

Birds are mean. Seagulls more so than others. They are by NO MEANS an amicable specie.

Anyway, as others mentioned, a flock, or even just 8-10 birds, can easily kill you with little effort. They instinctively go for the eyes, then throats and neck in general. Sure, you may damage, or even kill some of them, but it will be a Pyrrhic victory, with you walking away blind and with severe contusion all over the place.

The guy that did some physics calculation forgot to mention that when a baseball hits you, the energy is spread on the whole surface of the ball, when a bird flys at you beak first, you get all his mass times his velocity concentrated in his beak. But that’s not the way birds attack anyway, they are going to peck at you from the ground (and boy, are they strong, and boy, do their beaks hurt), or will do so while flapping at eye level. The flapping alone is gonna be enough to get dirt/feathers/bird guano in your eyes, and once you’re blinded, you’re done.

Hell, I once was in the midst of a nervous pigeon flock (lots of pigeons here in ol’ europe), when they all decided to leave at the same moment in a big, big hurry. I got slapped in the face many times by their wings, and I got scratched and bruised by the same wing flapping, and they were not explicitly trying to hurt me. I walked away very scared from that, I don’t want to be anywhere near a flock of murderous seagulls.

As for defense, maybe a pair of big, sturdy goggles (the welding kind) could offer some protection. A stick is certain enough to knock e seagull unconscious, dunno about bigger birds. I myself would try to get in a somewhat enclosed space, so they can’t hover around me, and I get to face them from one direction only. A phone booth maybe. You don’t get much stick-wiggling space, but at least you won’t have seagulls behind you pecking at your head.

I’m not explicitly proud of this (anymore) but when I was seven or so I bet my dad that I could run into a crowd of pigeons at central park and kick one. Well he laughed and didn’t take the wager seriously, thus was not able to stop me in time. So I ran into 50+ of them, “guns” blazing and kicked/swatted several out of the air. No serious damage done to any but the point there is I was seven/not trying to hurt them/ came out unscathed. I’m of the opinion that, if they worked up the nerve come after you in the first place you could a) take them out quickly or b) get into a building before serious damage was done.

Turtling by dropping your chin and covering your face/eyes with your off hand should provide ample protection on the run and your free hand should be enough to grab and kill a flying attacker that was trying to peck you in a vulnerable spot. Remember birds are very frail, light weight for their size with hollow bones, you could kill or cripple most by grabbing and making a fist.

Now if we’re talking about a bird of prey, especially larger kinds (Hawk, Eagle, Falcon, etc) you will have a problem if attacked by several in a rural area. Your chances increase dramatically in a urban environment where you can easily enter buildings or closed spaces that severely hinder a bird’s maneuverability.

Lastly, as far as armor/protection are concerned a sports bike get-up would be more than enough. The “glass” in any decent closed helmet is strong, a jacket should cover you from wrist to neck, and most gloves are backed with really hard plastic or kevlar or both. If you can’t beat your flock before they get through those defenses you’re doing it wrong.