2793 Schatzi.

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It’s often so hard, even in ideal circumstances, to express exactly what we mean. Many times we don’t even know for sure what we mean. There’s a vague understanding of what we want, or need, inside of us that we can’t always articulate. Even when you express yourself clearly there’s no guarantee the other parties will know what you’re actually trying to convey. Sometimes they don’t want to understand, and nothing you can say can change that.
I used to believe that you could change someone’s mind with logical arguments and facts. It seemed reasonable because I have often been swayed by information that I had verified to my own satisfaction, but I know now that the best you can do is present your case. In the end people can only change their own minds. All you can do is offer an opportunity. Basically everything follows that system from politics, to religion, to love.

I’ve never fallen out of love with anyone. I’ve always been forced out. Whatever specific defect exists in me that causes this I don’t know. I have walked away from a relationship first, but not because I had fallen out of love. The fact that things would never work simply won out and I was able to gnaw my leg off to escape the trap. I’m sure that if I had had enough relationships over the course of my life I would eventually have found a person who I loved briefly, then got sick of, just through the nature of statistics, but as my relationships have been few I’ve never experienced it. In time I came to accept that the other parties were right to abandon me as a lost cause logically, but emotionally I seethe.

I wrote a long section of things right after the previous thought that I sat here looking at long enough to delete. I know it must be hard to believe, but there are things that even I hesitate to share with random people who observe my work.

I dunno. The sketch version of this page had a more harried look about it that got cleaned up in the final version, and I think it might have changed the tone of how the scene plays. Not completely, but maybe enough that I’m not sure it conveys the emotions I want it to. I don’t edit pages after I post them all that often, but this one certainly has that potential. It’s a fairly simple page, so it wouldn’t be all that difficult and wouldn’t take much time if I decide to do so, but I’m not sure how I feel about it. I guess if you come back after a while and things seem different you’ll know why. My intention is to leave it and see what the reaction is like. I’ve had a lot longer time to sit with these last 5 pages or so than I usually do and that has led to this uncertainty. I very rarely have had the luxury of time, but things worked out in such a way that I did when writing this entire interaction. Too much of a good thing perhaps? I think Jess looks too dead eyed. Maybe I’ll use this hour before posting to see to that.

Didn’t take the entire hour. I think I salvaged the important part of the sketch and recovered the tone I was originally going for. I’m sure it must seem like I’m always half assing this thing, but I assure you I’m always trying my best and simply lack talent. This, unfortunately, is my full ass.

Anyway, I have some things I have to take care of, so I’ll leave you with my sincere attempt at storytelling and fewer words. This scene is coming to a close soon, which I’m sure those of you who hate both of these characters will enjoy very much. For my part I simply hope most of you will return on Friday, safe and alive. Until then, please remember the support links above and below the page, and damn the man.