I really wish I had something interesting to say, but all my thoughts are dominated by things I need to do that aren’t interesting to talk about. I want to get Friday’s page dealt with because Thanksgiving is probably going to fuck everything up for a few days. I have a bad feeling that it’s going to be completely exhausting and/or intensely irritating. So I want to be prepared in advance for this grim premonition. I’ve been relatively fine being up and about for long periods of time, but the last time I was out for an entire day I was pretty bad by the end of it and it took three days to get more or less sorted out again.
For me thanksgiving is just this dangerous trap of having things around constantly that I am tempted by. The part of my brain that wants that stuff is stronger than the part that understands how bad I’ll feel if I eat it. In some ways I’ve been able to alter my habits. I really like Taco salads, but I don’t eat them anymore even though I want them because I know I’ll feel sick enough to lose a day of proper functioning if I do. I don’t eat the hot fries the Teen likes because I know my foot will swell up if I do and it will keep me from functioning properly. There’s a growing list of things like that. On the one hand my body keeps warning me that I’m on thin ice while on the other it still wants me to eat things I shouldn’t and drink soda all the time.
As long as I’m on the subject of health, don’t go telling me symptoms of anything you think might be wrong with me. If you do I’ll delete your comment as soon as I realize. Even if your heart is in the right place my mind will make me have symptoms I don’t have if I read them. As much as I value reason my brain is incredibly suggestible and can create phantom symptoms with remarkable precision. I don’t want to spend the next year wondering if I have some terrible disease because some armchair doctor thinks my symptoms are similar to something you are familiar with. Here’s what I know about health after these last couple of years. The symptoms of every disease are exactly the same as every other disease on a superficial level, and I can convince myself far too easily that I have all of them.
My biggest problem is that I weigh as much as three people and it will eventually kill me if I don’t do anything. And now we are now deep in to the eating celebrations part of the year.
In any event, if you celebrate Thanksgiving I hope you have a happy and safe one. If not, I hope you are happy and safe anyway.