believing there are leagues when it comes to relationship is the first reason most relationships don’t happen

yep. For example, I’ve avoided trying my whole life because I don’t beleive I am in any league. Hasn’t prevented relationships from happening, but they’ve all been wrecks so far. Thanks for the self loathing mom!

Perhaps I’m just particularly dense, but life would be a whole helluva lot easier if people would just tell you how they feel instead of being coy or relying on “picking up signals” and stuff. I’ve been told on at least a couple of occasions that “there was a time I was into you, but you didn’t seem interested” or “she always told me she liked you but you never made a move”… as if a guy can’t be dense. If ya liked me so much, you should’ve known how dumb I can be about this particular field. I wear my almost-mechanical heart on my sleeve. Just say something! Agh!

Yep. If guys are supposed to make his move on the most deliberately flimsy of hints, then don’t make getting the guy getting it wrong such a life and death matter.

I’m genuinely wondering when you’ve ever seen it become a life and death matter now that it’s been brought up. Only once I can recall, and it was in a webcomic…Usually, from what I hear online at least, it’s those who feel pressured to accept flirting and advances as if it were a life or death matter, since there’s actually people who get killed over rejection.

So the point I was trying to get to was that, for the most part, it’s on us to recover from rejection. We get help from others, seek self improvement, whatever works. Rejection fucking hurts, but that’s something we gotta deal with like…every single day, really. We can’t make someone like us, and its not life or death to find out someone doesn’t like us…at least I fucking hope it’s not

It really falls down to fear of rejection. Nobody wants to be rejected by the person that they have feelings for the most so they try to beat around the bush in hopes of building up the right emotions in order to gradually slip into a romantic relationship. Flat out rejection could have a devastating impact on one’s emotions to the point that they could slip into severe depression and second guess their worthiness in a relationship at all.

Well, you will unfortunately have to read the clues. For example, if a girl always seems to end up standing in your field of vision, that’s a clue. If she always smiles happily when you appear, that’s a clue too.

If you have picked up on these clues, you have now gotten your shot. Note that this is only the admission to an opportunity to show your raw manly attractiveness, in whatever way seems best. Even if SHE was the one who invited YOU. In this phase, if she doesn’t mention her boyfriend, that’s a good sign.

I never have seen any solution to this. Because, really, the only difference between adorkable flirting and creepy harassment is whether the attention is welcome, and the default assumption is that it is NOT.

So if you fear being seen as a jerk or being rejected more than being alone . . . .

See the link I posted in a reply to the previous comment. The answer may lie in the first few stages of romance. There are quite a few stages before it starts to even resemble sex.

I just wanted to mention that being dense is not exclusive to guys. I’m a woman and there have been several times (apparently) when I was utterly oblivious that someone I knew was into me. I’ve had friends tell me about it months or even years later, and I was completely clueless.

On the other hand, I’ve also had the flattering but exasperating experience of starting a serious romantic relationship with someone, and suddenly every guy for miles around decides THIS is the time to flirt with me, or just straight up ask me out. I remember semi-complaining to my Mom about it once, and she said, “You think it’s bad now, just wait till you get engaged. You won’t be able to walk down the street without a dozen men trailing behind you.” She was exaggerating obviously, but she wasn’t that far off, haha!

(I’ve been married 13 years now so that’s not a thing anymore. Either that or I’m back to being comfortably oblivious, except where my husband’s concerned.) :)

It’s true. So long as you’re human (gender does NOT matter) anyone can be dense.

What I meant to say was:

Muscles snt bone seem to be more dense than fat.
Hence (joke) the stereotype of the muscle-bound idiot.
Also (serious) fat people have an easier time staying afloat when swimming

Next we’ll find out all these ladies hitting on / flirting with Thomas is a big dream, and he’ll curse having watched so much Marvel’s What If…?

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