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Well, here we are. Technically the circumstances that caused this disruption are over now, but I’m not feeling quite right. I’m having a hard time getting my brain to come out of sustained anxiety mode. I’m not sure how to explain it exactly, but I know that I’m not right. My mood is switching from one extreme to another at the speed of light. Just bouncing from one state to the next with no segue between them. I’m going to see if I can wrap this little interlude up satisfactorily, then we’ll pick back up on the night we were interrupted.

I hate to make you guys wait longer, but my process was severely disrupted. I kind of lost my place. Usually I can just call up exactly where I was as soon as I turn my thought to it, but at the moment I can’t seem to just call it to mind in a snap like I usually do. It’s actually kind of terrifying because I’ve never not been able to do that. Not for the current storyline at any rate. Usually I just read a couple of pages and it all just pops back in if I get a little lost, but that didn’t instantly happen this weekend. I’m actually still hearing the incessant barking of a dog that was already sent home. It’s just apophenia, but it’s really persistent.

I hesitate to explain what’s been going on because it always seems to cause a bunch of trouble, but some of it is still happening. It’s just not happening in the house with me anymore. Anyway, once my brain is convinced that nothing is going to go wildly awry at any moment I expect I’ll be just fine again. After so many years of mostly uninterrupted flow it’s just weird to have been knocked out of my stride.

28 Comments

It’s always the ones with high intelligence that are so dumb.

High INT, low WIS. Well, at least in matters of flirting, that last part, haha.

High INT, low WIS is definitely how I’ve learned to describe myself to people who get thrown off by it. Wish I had that terminology back in middle school when people were confused how the smart kid didn’t know a single damn thing about celebrities.

That’s just not sinking any points into an utterly useless Knowledge skill when there’s so much other cool shit to obsess over instead. What do I care who some actress is fucking when I could learn about the physics of light, the taxonomy of dinosaurs, or historical metallurgy?

It’s like… my Insight says she’s flirting with me, but my History says there’s no way that could be true… and yes, I know that’s the reverse of what you said, but both are high for me and lead in opposite directions.

As a result, I “play it safe” even though logically I know that’d mean dying alone and unloved. So yeah, I circle back to stupid. Honestly, my best bet is being pounced on, but I don’t think that’s any more likely.

I mean, there’s flirting and there’s banter. Even if one person thinks it’s flirting, that doesn’t mean the other person was flirting.

Tbh kinda dips my opinion on Nina just a tad? Like, this is a man in a relationship with someone she’s friends with, kinda weird to flirt with him and then bring this up :p

Flirting is just friendly banter, some people use it to attempt to spark romance, or at least sexy times, but that’s just one function for it. I flirt with my friends all the time, and they flirt back, and afaik none of us want to get into each other’s pants. The word flirting has weird connotations, but the practice itself is totally innocent, and frankly healthy.

There Is a light at the end of the tunnel and it is Not a train. Keep chugging along. You’ll get to a better place between failures for Having them than if you did not.In the meantime we’re along for the ride, wherever it takes us, until it stops.

It sounds like you are experiencing PTSD, which is a fancy sounding term for something that we are starting to understand is actually ordinary and a common ingrained brain (mal) function. My Father In Law had it after his store was robbed. A person can come down from it with time, but with help it’s much easier to recover from and more likely to not end disastrously. Like so much easier. Long time fan wishing you the best recovery.

I have been enjoying seeing all the chemistry flaring up between the characters, and (especially ever since Brooksie expressed her admiration and implied her attraction to, well, lots of the cast) been quietly waiting for at least one of them to go, “Well, I mean, monogamy isn’t the only option…”

The last time I mentioned anxiety to my doctor, he sighed heavily and said: “well you are not alone there appears to be what I would call an epidemic of anxiety”. Since about November 2016 it has felt like an asteroid has been hurtling towards us. The feeling never subsides…
Good luck to us all.
~ulrich

Jackie… like.. i get that. so much. coming out of that over-powering state of anxious spiraling is super difficult. sadly, i’ve only been able to see the answer as “time”. some things can change that time, making it take longer or shorter depending on circumstances. it sucks. that feeling, if it subsides, will never be forgotten. ;_; good luck art-wizard.

I understand you have a storyline you want to get back to. I’m patient. You’ll get back to it when you are ready. But first, I’m really enjoying the present storyline about flirting. I’d hate for it to be cut off prematurely.

Agree with Anon – WHY oh why is she bringing it up now?? For all she knows, Thomas wanted to be stupid about it so they could stay friends.

/someone who most of time is honestly oblivious and then there are times when I pretend to be oblivious to let the other save face/

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