It has been a stressful weekend unfortunately. I hope yours was better than mine. I will warn those of you who don’t like to hear about the trials of my life to jump past this next part because I am going to set down some important things for a future me, or future people who come after me. The regular blog will resume after this next section.

My paternal Aunt Debbie passed away after a battle with cancer. As all final battles with cancer end it was a draw. She took the cancer down with her in an ultimate act of defiance. I am not going to pretend that I was close to her, but she was a significant part of my childhood. She always welcomed me into her home with open arms and treated me as she might one of her own children. She was a god fearing woman and gave of herself as commanded by scripture in a sincere way. True people of faith are not performative. They live by the word and don’t make a fuss. I respect sincere faith. The last time I spoke with her was at the funeral of my maternal grandmother. In some ways I am fortunate in that my final memory of her will be a version before cancer when she was largely unchanged from the person she was when I was young. Of course I had no expectation that, that meeting would be our last. I have not spoken to any of my paternal cousins in over a decade at least. I doubt that I have anything to offer that would improve their lives. I have no sage advice about death that their own faith does not already provide. That said, I still shed tears for her, and them, in spite of not being part of their lives in recent times. I am not sure what I could offer now that wouldn’t seem hollow. Perhaps I’m overthinking it. Since I use social media as a tool for my profession I have stopped using it for its “intended” purpose. The part I play on social media isn’t exactly the real person I am. Do they understand that? Who can say? Perhaps I will simply write a note and send each of them one. It’s not much, but I do want them to know that their grief is shared even if I’m not the first person they would want to be sharing anything with…

Alright, back to the stuff that won’t get me passive aggressive, or regular aggressive, comments about how I’m not supposed to share my emotional burdens with random people on the internet. What a shithole the internet is sometimes. I will say that the above wasn’t the sole thing that injected stress into my life but I will save the other matters for another time. There are some things I can’t bring myself to put down in actual words in this space at this time. No one needs to tell me that I am not special in my grief, struggles, or anything else. More than most I understand the insignificance of a single life precisely because I use the internet as the vehicle of my trade. Innumerable people exist on this technological abomination that are trying to do the same thing that I am functionally; which is vying for attention. Trying to stand out in the ocean on humanity makes one keenly aware of how little of the human experience is special in any meaningful way. In fact, the unifying nature of the human condition is what most content banks on. I think it’s pretty clear that I get annoyed when people tell me I’m not special when I absolutely make it clear that I know I am not. Although I suspect the reason they feel the need to point it out is that they are angry that I am getting more attention than they are, while not being any more special than them. Sometimes people just need someone to hate.

Anyway, time is a luxury I don’t have right now, so I’ll leave you to your fate for the time being. I hope your week is a pleasant one and that I can contribute to that outcome in some small way. I will return on Wednesday to try and do the same yet again. Until that time remember to hold the rest button when powering off your game.

25 Comments

My, my.
He’s a bold one, in his way.

It wasn’t a “yes.”
It wasn’t a “most definitely.”
It wasn’t even a “sure.”
It was a “without question.”

Jackie, it’s 12:32am. I do not want to start crying in jealousy of an okay relationship! T_T

I am also crying about your aunt. Please rest easy and mourn at your own pace.

So, my dad died recently. I saw people at his funeral I haven’t talked to in years.And you know? The multiple “Sorry your dad died, that sucks” did actually help.

Because maybe your cousins and you don’t have a relationship, but having an acknowledgement that someone else will miss her might make them feel a little less alone?

Hey, sorry to hear about your Aunt.

My condolences, Jackie.

For what its worth- please don’t feel that you are grieving your aunt’s passing in some kind of a wrong way.

It’s just my view, but- when someone passes on…someone that we are about, I think it is a piece of trash for every person that it happens to. I think it just stinks, no matter what goes on.

I don’t think that there is a wrong way to grieve the passing of someone that we care about.

I hope that you will feel better in the coming days, Jackie.

Cheers.

Please read that part of the comment as: “someone that we care about”.
Cheers.

My condolences on your aunt, but also – who the heck has been giving you grief over your social media posts? Who is (or are) the loser(s) who have nothing better to do than reach out and touch someone, with a cudgel? Do they honestly think that they’re giving good advice, when they tell someone to shut up about what bothers them?
(Hypocrisy alert: I’d tell The Cheeto to shut up. In a heartbeat.)

John Donne needs to make a comeback.
I’m very sorry for your loss, Jackie.

Also: Reggie’s “without question!” is just such PEAK comic writing omg I LIVE for the way your characters speak. You’re an inspiration for my own scribblings.

Condolences from our home to yours. And add me to those annoyed at those bothering you for writing about something this deeply personal.

The whole parasocial thing is so new that it’s not even in my phone’s predictive spelling. Those who show up here know it’s your very own place, not a national op-ed, sports, or how-to column from a newspaper, or a GoComics syndicate. You get to do this.

—

The “L” word? Ooooooo! I’m really enjoying their simmering vibe, but at the same time wondering what they do off-panel.

*this

Note that there’s so much packed into today’s comic that nobody’s mentioned the elusive, delightful eye.

I’m sorry for your mom. I lost family to lung cancer.

For someone who still has feelings for John, Alex is moving too quickly with Reggie. They’ve been dating less than a month or so. Reggie, you’re pulling a Ross Geller here.
I hope this is the moment she realizes she still likes John, only to get jealous when she sees him date two of her coworkers.

My condolences on your loss Jackie. It never hurts to share a note or just let them know they aren’t alone in grief; recently reminisced with my ex because she was missing her mom, and sometimes sharing the good times helps to share the loss.

As for the comic, at this point just laughing as Alex keeps seeing what buttons she can press and where it all goes haha.

*checks angle of Alex’s arm in final panel*

Oh, she’s pressing something alright, but calling it a button is a bit mean.

Sorry for your loss, man. Losing family stinks. I lost my dad about a year ago. It was awhile before I really wept for him. Maybe a few months. But I did, and it felt better.

“I just don’t know what else to say.”

Yep, been there. Hard to identify love when you’re not even all that sure you’ve ever seen it before.

Is it Bigfoot, or is it a tree stump? Were those nictitating membranes on those politicians’ eyelids or a trick of the light and camera speed?

When one is still young, a “middle age crisis” seems like such a silly thing.

Until you get older and realize it’s the actions of a person desperate to eke out even an iota of joy in life amidst a seemingly endless procession of funerals.

It honestly doesn’t have to be even death that sets it off.

In the past year, the house has needed emergency repairs, a car accident, getting caught up in ever more stressful situations at work, while others succeed while you feel you’re slowly drowning and the elders you knew slow down and ache. Their medical needs grow greater, you feel pains in your body and worries in your chest slowly piling up around you. Doubly so if you’re alone, or an only child which has to shoulder the burden alone, thinking that the only way someone will know you’re in pain is if you buy a Lifealert necklace to save yourself some day.

Even as a child surrounded by funerals of cousins who died from gang violence and drunk driving, and grandparents who lost fights to cancer, the early years have done nothing to slowly make today feel any less… tiring.

And that’s all before the mind realizes that soon a parental will die, the burden grows heavier as you have to clear their stuff and keep what you will, the bills, the paperwork, and all so much.

So I fully agree – nobody is prepared for middle age, and the sudden fires that erupt. A lifetime of cozy preparation nor difficult ravages will ever be able to fully understand this until the day comes, and you are at the crossroads that lays before your feet. Some people notice it coming over the hill, others dont’ notice till the sign hits them in the face.

But to all who find themselves in such woes, we should grant them our sympathies; doubly so if we have found ourselves on that path, and have such empathy for their new footing.

You have my sympathies on losing your aunt. I’m also sorry you catch static for sharing your life with us. Sadly that’s the internet.

Hmm, Mr. Boothe is in trouble, his brain is dropping in efficiency being distracted and all.

Reggie’s brain doesn’t have access to all his blood at the moment, you say?

It’s pretty common when you’re that young to make knee jerk responses like that.

I don’t personally think those two have been together long enough to make declarations of love like that.

Truly sorry to hear that. I will say the one good thing about grief is it tends to bring together those who share it. Even if you’ve drifted apart, even a small bit of sentiment will probably be appreciated by your other family.

And as for the internet, people who scorn anyone who’s brave enough to open up to others… they’re the ones who actually worthy of scorn. Not you. Opening up is not easy and takes more than a small amount, especially in a society that of late tends to flaunt compassion in favour of a vainglorious pride in one’s own “rugged individualism”.

I can see apathy – that can be a defense from those who have enough troubles and trauma in their own lives and can’t take on that of strangers… But attacking someone for opening up, when you’re free to ignore them and move on? That’s actively preying up the weak for no reason other than that they *can*. Which is both petty and moral cowardice. With an added dose of hypocrisy if and when they decide THEY deserve sympathy.

So yeah. You’re better than you’re allowing yourself to accept, brother. Having dealt with such emotions myself… I know it’s not easy to give yourself credit sometimes. And can be easy to hermit a little in response to pain. Just remember it’s not selfish to care for yourself before caring for others, and give yourself some grace for not reaching out when you weren’t yet ready.

As a random kind stranger on the Dumbing of Age forum told me years ago when I opened up: You have to put on your own Oxygen mask first.

Ooh! a glimpse of an eye. A rare event and momentous! As suggestive as her greeting. Envy Reggie a little(okay a lot….)

3006 Maybe A Little Question.

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