2600 I’ll Be Watching You.

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He sees you when you’re sleeping, he knows when you’re awake…
He’s there and he is watching, for every dump you take.

I do these kinds of jokes pretty sparingly, but in reality I am a ridiculous child who finds this sort of thing very funny. Sure, I want to be better than everyone else, but I’m not. I’m just not.

Anyway, since I’m riding the line of this going up on time I will plead for your money as usual, the links above will facilitate the transaction should you choose to relent. I dance for my pennies. See how I dance?!

Let us meet back here on Wednesday. I don’t promise more poop jokes, but there’s always some chance for more…

22 Comments

I must admit, the cloud man Santa mythos is such creepy fiction that has such a cult following, but I will never understand the appeal.

Santa is a secret society, not an individual. Oh yes, he was originally Saint Nicholas, whose signature appears on the original document of the Nicene Creed, but when he died, an informal secret society started up to continue his work in the form of presents to children, usually around Christmastime.

Going to church does have a secret society vibe, but not exactly so. Either way, their society is more antagonistic that Santa’s. That being said, I was more referencing “He sees you when your sleeping, he knows when your awake” part of the myth.

A secret society with a branch on nearly every street corner, and that (at least according to the user manual, though often lacking in practice) is welcoming to anyone who wants to enter.

No, you ARE better than everyone. Because you embrace your human instinct to love potty humor. Anyone who claims otherwise is a charlatan that only wants to elevate themselves over others, a liar who is desperately trying not to let it show that they’re giggling internally. Anyone who fights themselves to that degree for social brownie points is a lesser person.

A mentor of mine, an excellent public speaker, once told me that there is one inescapable reality, no matter how much of a sophisticated front you try to put up….

… Poop is funny and will make people laugh.

“Religion has actually convinced people that there’s an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do, every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a special list of ten things he does not want you to do. And if you do any of these ten things, he has a special place, full of fire and smoke and burning and torture and anguish, where he will send you to live and suffer and burn and choke and scream and cry forever and ever ’til the end of time!

But He loves you. He loves you, and He needs money! He always needs money! He’s all-powerful, all-perfect, all-knowing, and all-wise, somehow just can’t handle money!”
? George Carlin

This is just my view:
I believe that George Carlin’s complaint was mostly about the Catholic branch of the Christian religion. One reason being- he said that his parents forced him to go to church, when he was 10, and he didn’t like it.
Right. Lots of parent(s) or guardian(s)…if you live in their houses, as a rent-free + an expenses-fee minor, do crappy things like that.
I don’t like that, but it’s what a lot of parents + guardians do, when you live with them. If they pay all of an [under 19 years old kid’s] expenses, then some of them play that crappy game with those kid(s).
Right- so George’s parents made him go to a church…+ treated their church like a-club-with-meetings, + made George go to it as well.
So- George moved out as an adult, + got his own job + that meant he- didn’t have to go to a church with his parents anymore, + he didn’t have to pretend like- he believed in gods, or pretend that he-worshiped gods + liked it…anymore.
So a good solution for George would have been, [since he’s passed on], would be- to say [I don’t believe in a god(s), so I don’t], and [I don’t like worshiping, or attending church services, or doing religion-things…so I don’t], and leave the matter, there. I don’t talk about it…that is all I am going to say about that].
Some people could argue:”but parents + others are [trying to [convince] people + kids to do those things!”
OK, please try to help out kids, + other vulnerable people, if some “church leaders”, or others, are trying to- mistreat people, or bully people, or con them out of their money. But their are loads of actions that people do that I don’t like, such as- drinking tea without sugar, or singing Dixieland-jazz songs, like riding in crappy…1980s cars,…but my view is- if you are [9 years old…or older, + can do rational thinking…or, if you’re 19 years old…or older + can do rational thinking, then I am POWERLESS to convince you to do anything that you want to do.
That means- if you fall into those two categories, then there is no way I can convince you to do anything…or make you do anything,…such as:be in a theistic religion, or be in a non-theistic religion, or drink tea without sugar, or sing Dixieland songs, or any activity, because my doing that would mean I do not honor + protect your freedom.

As I understand it- Marilyn Manson, (the singer), had his complaints about most of the adults in the town he grew up in, where most of those adults, in my view, were Christian/religious…and they used their Christian/religious membership in [bad + bullying ways].
They even did this to him, [after] he was 18/an adult, he had the rights as an adult to- [not] be in a religion, + [not] be a church-goer-of-any-kind, but this [group of adults] still bothered him anyhow. To me, their treatment of Marilyn Manson, when he was [a kid and an adult] was wrong.
They would tell him/try to force him, when he was a kid…and an adult, to- go to their churches, + follow their morals, + to believe in their gods.
And when he asked them why, their responses were things like: [because we (said so!)], and [because you will go to a hell, forever, if you don’t!]. Nope. Wrong. In my view- him…as an adult, he can [decline]- going to your churches, + believing in your gods, + decline to following your morals, because- he has the freedom to do those things, if he wants to. In my view-Those are his freedoms.
I’m glad he moved out that town, + he doesn’t have to live with these people anymore, + I’m glad that- he’s now in a place where he can + has- made his own choices about- joining a religion…or not, and following [gods or goddesses],..or not, + [following the morals of his choice].
There are parents + adults, + others, who will try to bully or force you- to join their religion, or follow their morals, but- in The US, Canada, + other nations, you have the freedom to [not give in to their force + bullying], and to not…be forced to follow someone else’s morals.
Please choose the [religion or no religion] that you want, and please choose the [available moral codes or not] that you want- because those are the freedoms that I believe that you have.
Also- if you are [a minor in a household that doesn’t give you those freedoms], or [if you are in a nation or place that doesn’t give you those freedoms], please leave those places as soon as you can, + go to a place that honors your freedoms. I just feel that those are the freedoms that everyone has.
(I apologize for the wall-of-text, but sometimes- there are some ideas or problems that I can’t write up as a 4-6 sentence post. Some ideas + etc. are complex, + need lengthy explanations. Cheers.)

That’s the point of Free Will: you make your choices and deal with the consequences, good or ill. Even when you’re in a country or family that doesn’t allow you to make your own choices, you can still do so if you’re willing to suffer the consequences.

This is also why Christian circles say that God doesn’t send people to hell. We are all born on that path, and He has provided a way to get off it. It’s your choice to do so or not; people send themselves to hell with their own choices.

That’s according to orthodox Christian doctrine. It’s up to you if you want to follow it or not.

My mother was the most religious and pious person I have ever met and even she managed to live longer than her belief in god. 90 years without a single shred of proof was enough for her. I never believed as she made a serious error of teaching me how mirrors worked before she told be about the devil on my shoulder.

I would imagine that God’s view of pooping is rather like a proctologist’s. Except that He designed the whole system rather than just having studied it clinically. I had a friend in the medical field (not a proctologist, but a different field) who would tell me more than I wanted to know sometimes about her medical conditions, because for her it was all normal, everyday things to talk about with no shame or weirdness attached. I imagine the being that created the systems would not find them nearly as weird and interesting as the rest of us do.

I’ve sometimes wondered how God would experience time. Theoretically, since science holds that the universe has a beginning and will eventually have an end, the universe is finite and therefore time as it exists in this universe is also finite. As part of the universe, we’re limited to experiencing time linearly as we move through that dimension without the power to control our movement. We theorize about controlling movement dimensionally in time with a time machine, though uncertain if we can technologically achieve it. But if a being outside time existed, then they would theoretically not be limited to experiencing it linearly but could dip into it at any point or perhaps view all of it at once. So in theory, if an infinite God exists outside time with an infinite mind, then it would be possible for a single infinite mind to know all that ever did happen and ever will happen in the universe since the finite is always containable within the infinite. Including how tiny events interconnected over centuries and millennia to form a single story. It’s interesting to think about how that perspective might differ from our own.

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