This was a hard page to do. Not because of the subject, or even the arguing this scene caused. On Monday we sent our dog Dorothy to her reward and I’m consumed with grief. Grief, and guilt, and regret… I didn’t love her as much as she deserved and I loved her so much. I always feel like our pets deserve better than me. I sit here drawing all the time and don’t give them the time and attention they really should get. Keeping the house of cards standing that I’ve built for myself requires so much of my attention that it doesn’t go to the pets who should get more of it. Plus, even though I know I can’t do anything to fix cancer I still feel like if I was more successful I could pay for treatments that would give me more time with them, but I’m not good enough. So I’m left with regret when the time comes to part ways.
The last few years were such a disaster. Everything was all torn up. A complete mess. So Dorothy couldn’t even lay down in my room with me. I just acted like she was going to live forever even though I could see time catching up. So now I’m doubly sad and sick of myself, and the only one to blame is me.
I’m sure there’s a post somewhere in the archive that mentions her coming to live with us. Unless it’s one of the ones that got lost when the site was updated at some point. My mother summarized it all as well as I could, so I’ll share what she said:
“We had to say goodbye to Dorothy yesterday. She came to live with us 11 years ago, when (my daughter) rescued her. She was 25 pounds under weight, hadn’t eaten in at least 3 days, & had about a 100 ticks on her. After Kit & Sadie died, I said no more…….my heart couldn’t take it…….but the house was so quiet and so came Solomon & Crow and how could I turn down this poor girl. I called her Hazel for a few days, but it just didn’t seem right……..so Dorothy from Kansas it was.
The three of them became the best of friends, they played & chased & tussled constantly. Then Sister & Roxie joined the fun & it was an even wilder fun time. It was so funny to watch short little Solly trying to grab her legs & her dancing away.
The house sounds totally different without her big dog paws and Sister & Precious seem a little subdued, they laid side by side on her bed for hours. She was always a little jealous of the little dogs, because she could wanted to be able to fit on your lap like them, but she made due. She was always investigating every sound, protecting us from all danger……….mostly squirrels or raccoons but if it was unusual, she was out to see what was going on…….her normal voice was high pitched, but when she was serious…….she did the big girl bark (that was a real surprise the first time).
JT loved “brown dog” from day one & she him. Life had made her a little needy, but that was ok with him. All the animals love him, but Dorothy was “his girl”. All he had to do was snap his fingers & she paid attention. All Dorothy every really wanted was to be loved………..and so our hearts are broken…….because she was.”
Now when I snap my fingers she doesn’t come and the sound bounces around a house that seems to have a massive hole where Dorothy should be.