Today, when I woke up I was, what I can only describe as “violently awake”. I guess, after who knows how long of bad sleep I managed to get in about 5 really good hours and my brain fired up with every cylinder in top form. I was so intensely awake it freaked me out. In fact, I still am a bit anxious. I’ve grown so accustomed to feeling bad that not feeling bad now worries me. I’m still feeling pretty aware and functional and it’s frankly unsettling. I feel like I could get up and do things after I’m done writing this. I know that doesn’t sound impressive, but after getting to a point where I could almost not get up off the floor this is on the verge of being shocking to me. I think I can understand more now why some people dumb themselves down with drugs, or what have you. Being acutely aware of things is a bit much. A bit of impairment might take the edge off of being this viciously awake. Like, if there’s a level of feeling well beyond what I’m feeling now I don’t know how I’m going to cope with it. Because I’m legitimately jittery with the level of cognitive function I’ve got at my disposal currently.
Anyway, it’s not like I’m unhappy with the situation, just unsettled. Good things happening make me wonder when the next slap in the face from god is coming. Maybe, it will be spaced out long enough that I can actually recover from the previous one… What a low bar I have set for my expectations. XD
Well, seeing as I’m 37 minutes past the agreed upon upload time I guess I’ll just remind you all that my work can be supported via the links above and hope you all have a pleasant weekend.