1149 Addicted To Love.

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You get the feeling that Carol understands the difficult breakup scenario from experience here… These two get along so well as a couple I forget sometimes how different they are in temperament. In areas where one is blind the other sees clearly it seems like.

Anyway, she patiently waited for him to get out what he needed to. Now it’s just a matter of moving ahead.

While others have forsaken their Animal Crossing towns for Pokémon training I have remained faithful. Pokémon is my mistress, but my true love is still AC. Which, if this was between people, would still be pretty shitty, but as it’s really a matter of me dividing up rest periods it’s not so bad. The other day a comic, which is now infamous on Tumblr, guilted a lot of people into checking up on their towns. Enough that I was able to get some signatures for a petition and sell some perfect pears.

51 Comments

It’s funny, because I’ve never understood people who just can’t be friends with their ex. If the breakup itself is bad, because of fighting and cheating, yeah, sure, I get that, but that’s because you wouldn’t even want to be friends with them. But if you do, if you still like them and enjoy their company, what’s the problem? My ex is still a better friend than many “friends” I’ve made since then.

I dunno, to me that sounds like the most insane shit I’ve ever heard. There are just some gaps you can’t cross as people. Not all our software is compatible.

I suspect that it does correlate with addictive personalities. I’ve noticed that friends who operate that way tend not to ever be very attached, or addicted, to anything.

Jumping with Crave on this one. Love is a drug. When that drug goes away, or gets sour… Ugh. Just…. Ugh.

Working through a 13 year relationship and figuring out how to keep a friendship but be separate? There’s no out. All or none.

Actually, biologically, love happens in the addiction center of the brain. Love is literally an addiction. It’s not just a metaphor.

I think it also depends on how you break up. After fighting on and off for a while, my first girlfriend and I broke up during a shouting match (and I somehow didn’t actually realize we’d broken up until a mutual friend clued me in a week later) and remained pissed at each other for a couple weeks after. So we had a very clean break with no lingering feelings for each other. Then, when we had to work together on a class project thingy, we slowly warmed back up to each other and became friends again.

On the other hand, I had a different girlfriend with whom the breakup was mutual and civil. We had a very calm chat about how we’d grown apart since I’d gone off to college and how we didn’t talk very much anymore, and agreed to just end things. I still rather liked her, even thought it wasn’t working out, and now I actually kinda dread running into her again. Partly out of awkwardness, and partly because I know I wasn’t as good a boyfriend as I should have been.

So I think Carol is partly correct, and that there often are lingering feelings that sabotage efforts to actually be friends. But it is possible to be friends if those feelings aren’t there.

So first up wanna say I love the comic pretty much completely and it’s really well done. That being said I agree with her sentiment you can be addicted to anything really, although calling it addiction is a might hardcore. Addiction to me is chemical dependance and it’s hard to get the same thing from a videogame, or a person. Not saying it’s not completely true but more the point of semantics, and as an English major I love semantics.

Complete side note panel where Carol begins explaining things you have a typo, well a missing word. “addicted to someone” not important but I caught it and went hmmm I don’t think that’s what it’s supposed to say.

Anyways love the comic can’t wait for Monday’s.

Depending on your particular biochemical balances, it can be very easy to become addicted to a human being. The endorphins and bonding hormones can make a break-up seem impossible until it happens, and can make it vastly devastating when it does end.

(And, yes, I’m speaking from experience)

Just as counterpoint to your point: all emotions we feel inside ourselves are chemically induced. The reason why certain chemical addictions occur is because these chemicals cause other chemicals in your brain to be released, producing an effect that your brain doesn’t want to be without. It is entirely possible, and rather frequent, for a person to be addicted to being around another person, as the brain becomes dependent on the chemicals released when they are around said person. Not everyone is prone to addiction, but if you have an addictive personality (I do, for example) you tend to be unable to pull yourself away from something that makes you feel good, regardless of how bad it is for you. And on that same note, when that something is taken away from you, its world-shattering.

We tend to abuse the word addiction in our culture, thinking that it only pertains to drugs, but that’s hardly true. Testing has showed that substance dependency isn’t far from dependency on anything. It has less to do with the chemicals themselves and more to do with your outlook on life. Look up the Rat Park experiment if you don’t believe me.

I’ve rewritten this five times trying to make a point that is very difficult to make. But your response I find interesting firstly yes all emotions are chemicals but they are more like nicotine then crack. The biggest part of quitting smoking is not taking the gum or wearing the patch, it’s simply put wanting to quit.

Really why I think that this more emotionally driven form of dependance needs a different name from addiction is this. Addiction comes with so much baggage, so many negative connotations. An addict will never amount to anything is a common misconception of most Americans. And that is a mentality I would like to keep away from this, as really talking with people and getting a new group to be with is the only cure for it, well the only lasting one.

Either way you make an excellent point although I bring up one silly counter argument and lets see if you can give me a reason for it.

‘If all emotions are chemicals then why don’t we have love potions? A drink that can literally draw out emotions from us?’

I get along well with almost all of my exes, at least the ones that I was in love with at some point. I don’t think an end of passion has to be an end of caring, and love can take many forms. My last ex and I have talked about inability to get along with your exes as a warning sign, actually, though what exactly it is a warning of isn’t too clear. Obviously there needs to be some extra separation immediately after a breakup when emotions are high, but if you could be friends before a relationship, no reason you can’t be after one, once emotions have a chance to die down a little.

I see a fair few divorcees in my line if work and ten or fifteen years of wrangling about access and money will do it, every time.

I dumped about 20 hours into Pokémon within a couple of days. After that, I thought learning the new systems was becoming tedious. I went back to Animal Crossing. One day this week, it was as though the game opened up in front of me.

I still don’t have mastery over ACNL, but I figured out how to make golden furniture, how to get dinosaur fossil models, and how to move furniture in one day. I also started clearing out my wardrobes of stuff I could order from the catalog, and started cataloging wallpapers, clothes, etc.

I’m about 5 fossils away from completing my museum, too. I only lack the Tricera torso before I get another model, too. I already have the Archelon and Stego models.

Still lack three spooky items. I found out from the HHA guy that the wallpaper and floor don’t count for the set. I haven’t looked it up, but I think I lack the shelf, TV, and table.

I’m pretty close to having all of the balloon set, too.

I’ve also been playing a little bit of the GBC version of Shantae. I’m amazed at how much work they put into the animation for that little game.

I put Puzzle Quest away from the populated area of my apps. My warrior is going to be a murder machine when he’s leveled up, but right now he’s getting wrecked. Kind of making me mad, so I’m taking a hiatus.

The wall and floor still give the set bonus if you have them, I think. Also, the set is sofa, chair, bed, table, dresser, wardrobe, bookcase, vanity, clock, lamp, and for some reason, wall lamp. If you want to exchange friend codes you can get the rest from me. 3909-7997-3526

Thanks. Turns out I’m missing the Table, Bookcase, and Wall lamp. I’ve even been checking every day. They closed for renovations twice this month. Of course, it was only this past week that I realized they sell wall decorations. I may have missed the wall lamp earlier.

1736-1002-3105

One of my best friends was someone I was deeply in love with in High School. To the point of creepy obsession. We finally dated but I chased her away by being insecure which led to rudeness…
Well anyway. The two of us are good friends and talk about girls we currently like, gay news, webcomics, etc. She lives in the dorm I serve food at and I ship her and her newest partner SUPER HARD HOLYSHIT THEY ARE CUTE.

My other ex was sort of my friend…then he said some rude things to some people I knew and posted insensitive jokes toward rape victims and trans* people so he isn’t my friend now…

My friends have always been progressive about this though. Everybody in certain friend groups just sort of dated at some point. This one guy I know not only had relationships with multiple friends in our group but also got one pregnant. This other girl I know has slept with about 1/4 of her male friends. Everybody just kind of accepts that feelings change. Especially when they break up mutually due to “loss of emotion/chemistry/passion” And if you had been friends before dating. Sometimes that can make it worse…but sometimes you can almost fall back into the comfort of an old friendship. Especially if you each find a new partner(s)

There are like a million variables to factor into whether or not you can be friends with your ex. Who you are, who you ex is, what the reasons for breaking up were, your general dynamic, how long you’ve been dating, how intense the relationship was, etc.
I have no trouble believing that Thomas wouldn’t be able to though. As Carol points out, he does have that all or nothing personality.
I wonder if it would be better if Dawn noticed this or never did?

This comic speaks to me….. I just lost someone as a friend and she really hurt me more times than I could count really

And I was still trying to make it work as friends after it all changed after she broke my heart after I tried to ask her out…

I guess I should have realized even if I never went on a date she saw me differently and that means I wasn’t they same friend….. She never wanted to hang out and invite me anywhere and kept ignoring me despite her saying she still wanted to be my friend

And after I tried to confront her over my mistreatment she got mad and didn’t like being accused of misdeeds such as what I had claimed and said that she just didn’t have time for me despite her clearly doing all sorts of things with large groups I used to be included in then bragging about it on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook ….

She unfriended me and hasn’t replied to my last message in over 3 weeks…

I want a time machine to stop myself from asking her out…. This was just a really bad blow to my self esteem…. But yeah…. I feel withdrawls like a junkie since I used to talk to her about everything good and bad….I was always open with her hence why I asked her out

Maybe she wanted me to be her gay friend and the fact I showed some form of attraction turned her off of me

I really shouldn’t be online at 2:30 in the morning ….I tend to rant

I have tried to remain friends with some of my exes… It depends on the circumstances of the breakup. I can function normally around most of them. And one I would consider a friend, albeit not a close one. The rest hurt me so profoundly when it ended that every time I think I might be somewhere that I might run in to them I leave promptly while wishing them a painful death.

Love is indeed a drug. Fortunately I’m married now and get my daily fix without gambling my sanity.

That’s the first time I’ve heard someone else talk about that reason for not drinking. I’ve explained the same thing to folks but they never seem to understand it. There’s a certain point where you know yourself well enough to stop something before it ever starts. ‘Course it’s always possible I wouldn’t abuse drinking, but evidence with smaller things shows otherwise.

I’m starting to get better from my last breakup. Almost been three months. We talk over email and occasionally she texts me while she’s at work (because she’s bored and there isn’t a lot to do or whatever). Not very frequently, mind you. I still spend most of my time when I’m not at work myself buried in distractions, though. My roommates and I are hosting a party tonight though, and I’m hoping to be more social in the coming months now that I’m not detoxing hardcore anymore.

I’m rather like Thomas though, staying friends with an ex is extraordinarily difficult because after all I’ve been through with someone I have an “all or nothing” mentality. It’s one thing if you went out a few times and maybe spent the night with someone. It’s another entirely when you’ve lived together for over a year (nevermind attempting to plan a wedding) and then things just start deteriorating. I won’t go into details but it’s entirely too easy for people to find your replacement instead of trying to fix things. Maybe someday I’ll have the guts to tell her I don’t want her in my life anymore.

Wise, wise Carol. If Thomas needs to be addicted to someone, I think this lady has her head screwed on straight. Opening up to Carol is probably the healthiest thing Thomas could do, and it’s one step closer to a better world for both of them. Carol has her own history of substance abuse (booze in school, food ever since), but I think the two of them can only grow. Together they can outgrow their youthful transgressions.

Now THAT I can relate to!
I’m 23. And on my 21 birthday, I was like the ONLY person NOT drinking. I am like the embodiment of Gluttony, Greed, and Envy rolled in one, especially around food. I can restrain myself around any other vice, but food is my weakness. Its the only thing that makes me happy when I get depressive. Its the only thing that regardless of what has happened that day, good or bad, that makes it better. I also know I have an addictive personality, its why I have a TON of video games on my shelves but only ever play on Kongregate and Minecraft! They are just TOO DAMN ADDICTING!

But in relation to Thomas, I don’t drink because I greatly fear that if I find I like the stuff, I won’t stop drinking, and become an alcoholic or something! With anything else, I’m sure I can power through not doing it, especially if it costs money (Davidicus = poor), but with food/drink, I know I won’t stop, because food/drink is just too damn good.

I can let go of any other vice, but when I have a hankering for something to eat/drink, I will hold onto that hankering for MONTHS! I just recently managed to satisfy my urge for a simple damn vanilla milkshake that I was holding onto for 4 weeks! Everyday it taunted me! Its scary and creepy stuff!! I’ve been wanting to go to Red Lobster for YEARS NOW, if only for the chedder bay biscuits and clam chowder! The only thing stopping me is money. But I’ve held onto that urge for years now, trying to quell it!

Nice to see some qualities between me and him. I can respect the addiction factor.

I relate so much to Thomas here, except for the whole cool and being witty/friendly thing. I had turned everything into hate with my Ex, the only reason we had even tried to get along is because we have a daughter. I would say terrible things to her and always be mean, I would intentionally try to hurt her…and when I showed kindness, I disguised it as for the sake of our daughter or some other reason, but deep down it was because I still cared. I wouldn’t admit that to anyone though, least of all me. It put me in a “black and white period” for 5 years, ashamedly I even was in and out of hospitals over it. I finally found someone new who put the color back in my life, and surprisingly…I can get along with my ex again. The venom and hate in my remarks slowly turned into teasing and then I can’t even say when, they just…left. Gone one day. Some days I feel like I still have that feeling of pang and missing my ex, but…its okay now. I really learned everything is okay in the end. sometimes the ending that we want isn’t what we get, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t okay. I hope Thomas finds his answer, it might not be with carol, it might be, but I can’t wait to keep seeing him grow~ I want him to, in a sense he is both what I would like to be someday and a reflection of what I overcame to become who I am. Its weird, on one hand he is much better off than I am, where I am working towards (he was original the character I least identified) but now he is probably the most, and somehow I feel like has a ways to go. Good job Crave, especially this time of year, little boosts and seeing things like this remind me there is happiness to work towards, I just have to reach out for it

So wait, I just want to check, is Carol meant to be 100% in the right here? Because that doesn’t seem 100% on the mark to me. Like, yes, for quite a few people what she said applies. After being in love with someone, they just can’t adjust to being their friends alone. But I have several friends who are very close with their exes, some of whom were together for a long time, and though for some of them it DID take a while for them to come to that point, their friendship isn’t “a cheat” or a sham. And one of my dearest friends is an ex of mine who I was in love with romantically for a good while. It hurt like hell when we broke up, and it felt awkward trying to stay in touch as friends for a while, so we gave each other a bit of space, touching base to see how the other was doing every now and then. And eventually things got to a point where we were able to be comfortable around each other as just friends again, and if anything, our trust was that much deeper. She means the world to me as a friend, but right now we’re both in love with other people, and I honestly couldn’t be happier for her.

Carol is expressing her beliefs, or at least telling Thomas what she thinks she needs to hear.

Ah, okay! Thank you. And I realize this will probably sound stupid, but I’m sorry if I was overly-confrontational in that comment. The whole trope/belief that exes can’t be true friends is something of a major pet peeve of mine for obvious reasons, but I fear I’ve been a rude dick, and if I have, I am very, VERY sorry. Your comic is awesome and so are you, and I realize the last thing you probably need is an anon venting their spleen in your comments section.

I didn’t read it as confrontational, I guess. Everyone reacts to love differently. Your mileage may vary.

Very true! Love is varied like that, hehe. And I wasn’t intending for the comment to be all that confrontational, I just get easily paranoid about sounding like a confrontational dick sometimes. XD; BUT ANYWAY, I’m babbling, so, uh, yeah, you’re awesome, your comic and characters are awesome, and just keep on being awesome!

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