You know, I didn’t intend for these to be numbered pages. The plan was to make these some kind of extra thing, like the onlyfans riff, but I’ve been so stressed that I messed up and started numbering them like normal. It doesn’t matter because this can fit basically anywhere, but it was unintentional. I can write my way through accidents because my style is basically structured riffing most of the time anyway. It’s not something I realized was a talent for a long time, but at some point I noticed that not everyone can do it. That makes it valuable. On some level at any rate.
It’s something I can do because as a kid I was always trying to predict the actions of other people. Always trying to protect myself from people by anticipating their attacks. I would think about all the various things a person might do, or say, and how to react to them. Hundreds of millions of situations over the course of my life. What do you do if the person at the post office is mean? How do you act if someone makes fun of you? If a friend suddenly betrays you how do you protect yourself? If they do this, I do this, if they do that I do this. I say this, they say that, I say this…
I can do it so fast now I barely even think about it. I don’t know if it’s maladaptive behavior, or just the way I decided to cope with things. It’s why I always have something mean to say. Learning to spot someone’s deepest insecurities so you can hit back harder if they hit you first. Then you learn to strike first so they can’t hit you at all. Of course, no matter how good you are at guessing what someone might do, there’s still a chance you’ll be wrong, but you remove the element of chance by choosing for them. It become proactive instead of reactive. You make the choice, you have control… You shut the door first do someone can’t shut it on you. Then, many years later, you’re alone in a room drawing pictures for strangers.
I saw someone I hadn’t seen in years. A passing acquaintance from school. At one point they said that everyone was terrified of me because I could dress people down so quickly. To them I was the bully, but from my perspective they were. It’s no wonder humans fight all the time. It’s very difficult being sentient.
What isn’t difficult is supporting me on Patreon. Well, it’s not super difficult. It can be trying at times… Okay, it’s not the most difficult thing to use Patreon, but I don’t have verifiably better options at present. Anyway, please consider supporting my work. I’m too old to start over.