1949 Garbage Pail Kids.

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I can’t even begin to count the number of times I got complained to over toilet paper quality at work. Public toilets are a necessary evil. If you don’t have them I really think a surprisingly large number of people would just shit on the floor, like animals. I get it though, sometimes you just get hit with something and are caught out. You can’t have luxury toilets though or people would try to live in them, or steal your paper rolls. Hell, they’ll steal the cheap ones if you let them.
I remember once, after cleaning the restrooms at the midday time, a lady flagged me down as I was walking to the office. (they shared a corridor.) She was like “Someone smeared shit all over the walls! You really need to take better care of your restrooms!” And I was like “I just cleaned them, you were the fist person to use the ladies room.” All the color drained from her face, but she got control of herself and denied it. But I was like “It couldn’t’ve been anyone else. They’d’ve had to pass me to get here & you’re the only one who did.” Then there was a moment where she was clearly deciding if she was going to double down, but she caved & stormed off. I have no idea how we wronged her, or if she just wanted to literally give someone shit for no reason, but she had smeared feces all over the walls. What’s worse was she had obviously used HER BARE FINGERS. Additionally, she looked like any regular nondescript white lady. Just an NPC set into the game to give someone a quest. The clean the restroom quest.

The coffee thing is a real thing too. It happened all the time. We used to set out free coffee every day in the books section. 3 different kinds. I had the same conversation about coffee with so many different people. There was never the right flavor, or enough, or it wasn’t fresh, or whatever. It’s free fucking coffee. Plus I never saw anyone who drank the coffee actually buy a fucking book, or anything for that matter. They’d just leave piles of books on the table for us to put back after they were done. I don’t know if the free coffee ploy worked in other stores, or other towns, but it sure didn’t seem to be working in ours. It’s not like I was always in the store, maybe I just worked at times when assholes wanted coffee.

44 Comments

I’ll never understand how “let’s smear shit all over the bathroom walls” is an idea that comes to any sane person’s mind.

We had that happen once to the public bathroom in the school I went to back in the day and I still don’t understand how or why, as I alway subscribed to the “use the bathroom like you would at home” mindset.

Sane? Nah. They are so dead inside that only human suffering gives them any joy. IRL trolls. They literaly did it for shits and giggles.

Well put. I have had the unfortunate… Er,…Misfortune to meet some really “Mess-Up”®™ people. I’m so sorry that life has giving them a bowl full of sticks and gravel with cold vinegar for breakfast, but there are those who keep their integrity no matter what, and those who are tripped-up, knocked down and have their face rubbed on the sidewalk, and won’t get up because they cannot mentally get up, they don’t have the inner resources to rally to do it. They just can’t because really they can’t formulate a way to beat the beat-down.
My heart goes out to them, because they often cannot accept help because they cannot trust anyone, for having been so abused by others.

We had dogs that would be brought into the shelter. Some could be homed and others wouldn’t respond to good treatment. They would snarl and snap or bite, It always ended badly for those.

I remember going into the restroom at work to take a piss. I’m a dude so I stand if its just that. Sniffed a couple times, got real confused, looked over to the wall, shit at eye level. I’m 5′ 8”, it was in a straight line parallel to the floor. It had to be an adult. wtf.

While working at a convenience store, I once had a man come in and tell me, “Someone shit in your urinal.” Sure enough, there was a huge turd in the urinal. Aside from a little occasional splatter on the toilet seats, that was my only feces-related incident. After reading some of the horror stories here, I’ve decided I got off pretty easy.

Why is it, when ever I hear stories about bathroom having shit smeared in them, they always seem to be the women’s restroom.

At my work, the times it’s happened, it’s always been the women’s restroom. Brother’s work, women’s restroom.

When it was done at my work, it just shocked me. First because I couldn’t imagine grown adults doing such things, then because at first I was all “Damn guys. Why are you being so disgusting.” Only to find out it was the women’s bathroom it happened in.

*sigh* People can be depressing.

Though, Wes is mistaken. The reason he has to be around that human garbage is because he chooses to continue working there.

As with last time this subject came up, I can regale you with tales of the men’s room. Including the time someone used their own shit to write the word “SHIT” in foot-high letters on all four walls. It was kind of a sort of deconstructionist meta-commentary, you know?(or possibly just foul and nasty)
And the time someone used their turd to draw a penis. Never let it be said the customers aren’t classy.

The glass full of urine on the shelf I simply ASSUME was topped off by a male. Someone took one of our lidded glasses off the shelf, pissed in it ALL THE WAY TO THE TOP, screwed the lid back on, and put it back on the shelf.

The reason he has to deal with them is because he hasn’t been fired yet. he has a rep as a thief if I remember correctly.

Yeah. Wes is a known thief, but Mike didn’t know that before he made the hire.
And they can’t fire him without cause.

And it isn’t like Wes is the exclusive restroom cleaner. Wes is being treated like everyone else, just with the exception of “don’t leave him alone with anything he can pocket.” Except Reggie didn’t get the memo, and trusts his minion entirely too much.

(I just reread the entire archive recently)

I don’t know about anybody else, but when it happened to me at work, it was the women’s room.
The place looked like someone stood on their head and had a bowel explosion. I didn’t clean that bathroom, I hosed it down.

I used to work at a dining facility and went to use the restroom after a fellow coworker, she caked the entire outside of the toiler in poop cause she was mad at the daytime janitor for not helping her do her job, which he was told not to help them do what they were paid to do. When I worked at the gym there was a clogged toilet in the mens locker room, I had to shut down the men’s locker room so I could try to fix it cause my male co-workers were lazy and were rushing off to skip work. multiple people had still been shitting on top of the clog in the toilet, despite the out of order sign. I had to hold my breath to change the battery in the flusher to see if that’d fix it then had to call maintenance to fix it. Heard a ton of horror stories and about the stalls in the men’s locker room getting ‘painted’ with poop as well and the only person on shift that was able to clean it was the guy with a weak stomach. Poor guy kept having to run and throw up and still shudders and trembles when it was brought up. This all happened on a military base. People are nasty.

The temptation to combine the two by lacing the free coffee with ye olde bowel loosener then take out all the toilet paper in both bathrooms gets stronger with every biggus arrsus out there. ‘Guess you can’t handle our coffee’+’Who the hell steals toilet paper?!’ and sit back and watch.

I don’t blame stores for the quality of their TP. I get it. I just double down on how much I use. Make a 1-ply into a 2-ply. I try not to flood the things, haven’t done so yet, but if I did, I’d flag someone down and let them know I fucked up. These people lead miserable lives, working retail, I’m not gonna give em shit anymore than necessary. I’d rather they were flagged down about the issue by someone who won’t be a prick about it. Hell, I’d help clean it if necessary. Maybe if I did a good job, they’d hire me on and I’d finally have a job *weak laughter*

Whenever you use a public restroom,

Check that it flushes first.
Make sure there is paper.

Be kind, be neat, be good.

Let me tell you, I’ve forgotten to check for paper and had to phone customer service before. Not my proudest use of a cell phone, but possibly the most glad I’ve ever been to have one.

They may not always have TP, but they usually have a condom dispenser-and you’re sitting there thinking,”You know, I’ve got some quarters….”
Remember-the ribbed ones work fairly well, the lubricated don’t work at all, and the glow in the dark pastel ones are just wrong. Just wrong.
Ever seen one where the motion detecting paper towel dispenser is right above the toilet? You move and suddenly there’s paper towels rolling down the back of your neck. And some so small, you can sit on the throne and wash your hands at the same time.

It occurs to me I should have said,”wash your hands in the SINK at the same time.”just for those with minds more in the gutter than mine.(you know who you are…)

I can confirm that if there are no toilets, people will oor. I used tohis tiny gas station next to the bad part of town. We locked the restroom after dark because of all the nonsense that went on in there, and one time a woman came in and needed it. We told her sorry, it stays locked after dark. So what does she do? Sits on the floor next to the restroom door and pees herself. Didn’t even drop her pants. Then she got up and left. Lucky me, I got to mop it up.

As someone who has used a public restroom a time or two, I am grateful for them. After hearing what some people go through in their maintenance, I would almost rather they not be there despite their utility to me.

I was an asst mgr of a convenience store on the uninhabited edge of town main highway, so our only customers were commuters. At the end of the evening shift, I did a double check on the bathrooms (entrance to them on the outside) and they were in great shape. Typically we only clean them during the overnight shift unless there was a need. They didn’t get a lot of use during the day in any case. When I came in for my evening shift the next day, the manager let me know that she had closed the woman’s room.
She had me look and we talked about it. Someone had used a marker to write obscene things on the toilet seat. That was basically the only thing that was bad. Other than that, it was clean. Except for the trash can being empty, it looked the same as the end of my shift. So the overnight guy did do some sort of cleaning in there.
Mgr and I came to the same conclusion. The marker was the same type we had behind the counter. It was either the overnight guy or someone he knew because they had to use our marker to do it. Of course it could have been someone completely random with their own marker. In any case, the best time to clean was overnight and that had the added potential benefit of punishing the person we suspected. So we assigned him to clean that toilet seat during his shift.
All clean the next morning. He said it took him a long while to clean it too. That night it happened again though the writing was on a 3×5 card taped to the seat, again all items found behind the register counter.

I think the Free Coffee thing is probably driven by a misguided metric, and they kept it because it did it’s intended job of driving that metric. I think the thought process goes something like more foot traffic –> more purchases and more return foot traffic –> more purchases. So they used free coffee to drive the foot traffic metric up assuming it would also drive up purchases. But, humans suck and like free things… so that probably was not the case. I feel like anyone who complains about the coffee came for the coffee and not the books.

Except at book stores, they SELL coffee. Many of them have dedicated a large percentage of their floor space to a small restaurant. And I still don’t understand why.
My best guess, which makes too much sense to be right, is they figured people are going to read books and leave without buying anyways, may as well get the money from food and drink.

Free coffee sullies the entire model… unless it is to make people need to pee so they don’t sit there and read an entire book.

Wow, Wes! I totally forgot he was even a character! …I guess Reggie needs /somebody/ to look good next to.

When I was at a WM, I got stuck on janitorial duty a few times thanks to a sprained ankle (dodging a blind customer driving) and skinned palms (bike accident). The bathroom floors often changed colors when mopped. Especially under the urinals. Then there were the feminine sanitary products that somehow always ended up on the floor instead of in the bag in the stall’s bin specifically for said products.

Then I worked at DG. Thankfully, we didn’t have a public restroom for most of my time there. However, there were about 3 months where it sort of was. Being that the restroom was back past storage, we had to start escorting the customers back there after the 2nd or 3rd week. No surprise there.

I used to work at Michael’s arts & crafts, one day I was working and a lady not only had crap smeared all over the stall, she had broken the toilet off of the floor…

Worked at a camp ground, we had people squatting in the showers. The one that really floored me though, they filled the toilet to about 6 inches above the seat with paper towel and then crapped on top of it. That is a lot of work just to make other people miserable who are working so you can have fun.

Before the one based on Pike Place fish tossing, the motivational work video gimmick was based on Farrell’s Ice Cream, and the bit where the manager tells the cranky waitress “I’ll only send you the nice customers “, and her attitude increases her tips; but he lied about changing anything.
And, I would quit before I cleaned a Jackson Pollack bathroom. That’s not a job duty…heh…, that’s a crime scene.

I’m laughing, I was super shocked and thought I went back a few hundred pages because I saw Wes. The reread is going well so far.

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