1238 Papa John.
The title of this page should not be taken as a passive endorsement of the “pizza” made by the chain Papa John’s. I just thought it fit. In point of fact I hate Papa John’s “pizza”, which is why I keep putting it in quotes. That’s not to say that I think you should not eat said “pizza” if you like it. By all means eat whatever materials please you best. I simply prefer other substances and combinations of substances.
My favorite pizza right now is called the Mexican supreme and is made by Swchwan’s (Or however you spell that shit.) It’s frozen, but it’s superior to many fresh pizzas. Generally I like peperoni best, the brand rarely matters, but I dabble in meat lovers and that sort of thing. For some reason I hate Canadian bacon and supreme pizza. I’ve never understood how those toppings somehow manage to ruin the base pizza. I’m not a fan of putting fruit and stuff on pizza. It just doesn’t do it for me. I also eat with utensils because I’m NOT A FUCKING ANIMAL, JON STEWART! YOU CAN SHOVEL PIZZA INTO YOUR FAT FACE HOWEVER YOU WANT, BUT I CHOOSE TO EAT LIKE A CIVILIZED MAN! Not that it matters.
As far as I know I finally got the last Skylander I needed today. Perhaps needed is too strong a word without some modifiers… needed- to complete my collection based on my own, internal, criteria. meaning that I have one, at least, version of any given playable character. As I’ve said before, I’ve forsaken completionism. The manager of the Gamestop I frequent also kept a Trigger Snappy for me, so I have all the sidekicks finally. I hope they never make more of them. I don’t want to have to eat chips, use eBay, or jump through any other hoops for such useless items. I don’t want to, but I will. (I also got 2 spare sidekicks because they changed the terms of the agreement. I pray they do not alter them further.)
I got to play the demo of Mario Kart 8 today. It’s great. I want it. You get a free game if you register it on Nintendo’s reward site. What’s not to like? Of the choices available I’m going for Wind Waker. I wouldn’t bother getting it again otherwise, but you can’t argue with free. Well, I guess you could if you were a total douche, but whatever. I have Mario & WiiU party (which sucks), & I don’t like Pikmin, so choice made.
85 Comments
…you eat pizza with utensils?
Don’t you fucking start with me…
‘Suppose you also use a fork and knife to eat a donut….
What’s the actual problem with using a fork and knife to eat pizza? You just can’t eat good pizza with your hands without spilling the toppings everywhere, anyway
There is a technique for eating pizza with hands only the great pizza masters of new york know about. For 5 dollars I can sell you the booklet on it. :3
fugeddaboudit! Ya put it in ya mout’ ‘n chew!
TENOUTTATEN!
New York? I’ve been able to eat pizza without making a mess since I was five, and I live in the pacific northwest. Maybe it’s because the family had a tradition for cooking pizza on a weekly basis…
5 bucks? I will teach them for free and I don’t even live in new York and I know how to eat pizza better then most new yorkers
You must eat like cookie monster!
Though I will say my dad makes a huge deep dish pizza that is so thick (both the crust and toppings!) it qualifies for utensil use.
It’s fairly easy to eat a pizza slice without spilling all the toppings.
Now eating a whole pie at once w/o spilling the toppings takes some skills.
What skills? Eating pizza without utensils should come naturally!
Don’t feel bad, dood. I, too, eat pizza with fork and knife.
Let the rabble eat pizza like savages if they please.
(Also, yes, Papa John’s is kinda gross. I prefer Little-freakin’-Ceasers over Papa John’s. Altho’ I’m more of a Dominos/Village Pizza kinda guy. Pretty sure Village doesn’t exist outside Illinois, but it is SOOOO damn delicious.)
i’ve had village before in michigan, its alright
To each his own.
I once heard of a man who took the cheese off of his cheese pizza, trashed it, and ate the bread and tomato sauce. “Waste of good cheese…” I thought, but hey, not my $2.25.
Personally, I prefer to savage my pizzas after I defile them with as much garlic powder, oregano and tomato sauce as blasphemously possible.
Ahh, New York. You’re a wonderful town.
For me, it’s kinda depends on the pizza makers. If I ate a takeaway pizza like Domino’s, Papa John’s, or whatever, those I’d eat with my hands, because they are SAVAGE pizzas, for SAVAGE eating, and are most assuredly not worthy of the civility of eating with the pure civilized manner of using a knife and fork (baaaah!!).
If however I was going to a more upmarket pizza chain like Pizza Express or Zizzi’s, or an independent pizzeria or Italian restaurant, then I would use utensils for eating the pizza, because they are indeed worthy of civilized eating.
i used to drift from pizza brand to pizza band in a wary spectrum of all mechanisms to eat them. i even started using the pizza cutter just because it fit the pizza and i was the only one eating them anyway. once i ate one like the old style scooby do by just spinning it around like a frisbee on a plate and eating it in a spiral. i too loathe papa jonk’s pizza. but i eventually settled in with digiorno frozen pizzas. that shit is crunk. Anyway i know a lot of people who eat their pizza with both forks and hands. i myself prefer to stack two slices and eat it like a sammitch, but it took a while to master this unnecessary skill.
I definitely eat very deep dish pizzas with utensils. It would make a very unnecessarily huge mess otherwise.
Like those Chicago style pizzas from Papa Murphy’s? Man are those tasty.
Nah its a local pizza joint whose whole pizza menu are deep dish pizzas. I mean those suckers are thick from top to bottom.
Is the crust supper buttery as well? Would the oil & other juices of this pizza eat through a standard pizza box? Does the box need foil enhancements to handle this pizza? If so, I have a similar local joint, and it’s wonderful (and not cheap)
Not every pizza is made equal. Not every pizza slice can just slide off the whole in a perfect lump of cheese and meat. Sometimes utensils are necessary.
I eat with knife and fork 100% of the time. This is because I’m at my computer 100% of the time and I ain’t getting my keyboard greasy.
I’m confused. Is that a typo or did he just randomly double the number of pizzas in his head?
RIGHT! 2 meetings. I’m dumb. Ignore me.
That did sound a little wierd at first. i forgot to multiply too, until i read your post.
Whether or not I use utensils depends on the pizza type…and I do like pineapple on my pizzas with regular bacon, Canadian bacon, and extra cheese…I guess we can’t split a pizza, JT.
Yes, for some reason Canadian Bacon and Pineapple seems like such an abomination to some. I like this combination, myself. I like other things, too.
We had a Brick Oven Pizza in Abilene that I liked quite well while I was living there. They had some neat specialty pizzas. There was a place called McLemore-Bass when I was in high school that had good pizza. (Not to mention great shakes. It was a former drug store with a soda fountain, and they somewhat tried to recreate that.) I think they brought utensils out with the pizza.
Best pizza place I ever ate at/from was Hungry Howie’s in Pensacola, FL. Watch out, though. The worst pizza place I ever ate at was Hungry Howie’s in San Diego, CA.
We should all have a pizza party meet up one day, with all of the glorious pizzas and no judgments about how much or what we eat, or what we eat them with. Who’s with me?
It’s sexier if you eat a whole pizza by yourself, he replied creepily. X3
You really are the best kind of ridiculous, JT.
Then I am made of sex.
Everything’s made of something.
Can Hawaiian pizzas be made of REAL HAWAIIANS? Oh please, please, PLEASE?!?
I don’t see why not. A Hawaiian pizza can be 100% Hawaiian. They already grow the pineapples, tomatoes and all the herbs needed as well as raise the pork there. The only issue would be the crust since I am not sure if they grow any grains there or not. Maybe a local substitute?
Canadian bacon and tomato thin-crust pizzas remind me of my childhood, where it was a special treat when we went to the restaurant because we kept kosher at home (my personal kashrut status these days basically has an exception for those pizzas).
It kinda put them into the “food tastes better when it’s stolen” category that has me visiting my parents to swipe tomatoes they get from the places I do.
I’m genuinely interested, what’s the reason behind keeping kosher? And is it frowned upon to add personal exceptions to the kashrut? I could never find a jewish person who was able to actually explain these to me better than going with “it’s tradition/the Law” (admittedly, there’s very few jewish people where I live)…
“It’s tradition/the law” is basically it. Back in olden days kashrut had some actual uses: it kept the tribal identity from mixing with other tribes (Judaism doesn’t encourage conversion like Christianity does, and still has a very tribal feeling to this day), and it avoided animals who were actually unclean in more than a spiritual sense. The fish restrictions (nothing that doesn’t have scales) mostly weeds out bottom-feeders, the forbidden birds are carrion-eaters, and pigs will happily eat anything they can, so avoiding those meats helped avoid disease in general even before people really understood what diseases were and how they spread. These days things are much more sanitary (even given horrifying things like slaughterhouse conditions) so there’s not any real concern, no reason for non-religious people to keep kosher.
Personally, I do it to kind of support my Jewish identity. I’m an atheist/agnostic Jew depending on my mood (Judaism is a religion, a culture, a race, and generally really complicated when you try to pigeon-hole things) and my focus on Jewish traditions/rituals is on what they do to myself rather than what some nebulous God does or does not want. Keeping kosher makes me be more aware of what I’m eating, and since I have severe food allergies it also helps me get past anxieties about checking ingredients. “Are those beef or pork ribs” is a good lead-in to “is there peanut powder in the barbecue sauce.”
So generally exceptions to kashrut aren’t proper, but since observance of Jewish law runs the gamut of strict Orthodox (“we do it this way because we’ve always done it this way, and the word of God is not up for debate”) through Conservative (“a religion needs to evolve with its people and find a balance between tradition and the modern world”) and Reform (“let’s see how much of this we can just toss out the window and still be Jewish”) it really depends on the person and how they were raised. I’m not ordering Hawaiian pizzas every night, but every once in a while I get a little homesick. Similarly, even though I avoid other forms of pork most of the time if that’s all there is at a picnic and I skipped lunch I probably won’t stand there starving myself.
Disclaimer: all opinions above are my own. If you ask another Jew the same question you’ll probably get a different answer. There’s general categories of Judaism, but aside from the strict Orthodox there’s not really anyone saying “this is the proper way to do it and this is why” like with, say, the Catholic Church.
As a Jew, I pretty much agree with everything you said, but I’m going to argue with you because that’s the Jewish way of doing things.
*argument*
Right then, good answer.
My favorite story from the Talmud has the moral of “even if God comes down from Heaven and says you’re right, it cannot compensate for making a bad argument.”
Most Christian religions each think they’re the right one. Christian Orthodoxy and Catholicism are a little funny because each blames the other for the first Schism and both say they’re the real original Christianity. I’ve had various other religions say I’m going to hell for not being their particular flavor of Christian.
Yeah, and some branches of Judaism do the same thing. As a generally non-proselytizing religion though (the main exception I know of being Chabad, which considers it their duty to bring “lapsed Jews” back into the fold), any thought Judaism has given to an afterlife has had to address the question of virtuous pagans. The version I heard was “everyone waits in Sheol for the Messiah, Jews and virtuous pagans get to wait in a nicer part of it.” Sheol’s like the Greek underworld, though, so the main threat down there’s just boredom.
We don’t have Papa John’s in Europe and even the generic brands are relativity decent….
My favorite is the “Panini”, which is a grilled sandwich in the US, but over here it’s pizza on a baguette. Yummy! :3
We have Papa John’s in the UK now, and IMO they are the best pizza around.
Although that’s probably more to do with the competition than them, the local pizza market seems to be in a race to the bottom that’s really trashed quality.
I prefer Papa John’s fake Pizza to most other fake pizzas, Actual pizza is way better, by like a factor of 200.
Since I’m pretty sure pizza is an American invention, like fortune cookies, I am curious as to what this “actual” pizza is.
Oh, pizza is Italian (initially) and authentic Italian pizza, if being sold/advertised in Italy, has crazy requirements as to what can/can’t be called “authentic Italian pizza” Crust thickness, types of toppings that can/can’t/must be on said pizza, order that topping are put on, temperature the oven is set to. It’s somewhat rediculous, but one day the government over there decided they had nothing better to do than to define, and regulate, what “authentic Italian pizza” was.
Anyway, “actual” (not necessarily “authentic”) pizza is just pizza that was made by someone who knows what they’re doing. Generally this means fresh ingredients/toppings, proper pizza oven (so, probably not a standard range/oven most people have in their home kitchens) and proper distribution of toppings (remember, if you make a mountain of toppings, the center won’t get heated properly)
Anyway, my preference with pizza is pretty loose, and so long as it tastes good and doesn’t make me sick, I’ll probably go back for more. Deep dish, thin crust, it doesn’t matter, I like them both just fine (but I will grab a fork & knife for the deep dish, otherwise that’s a lap full of melty cheese, sauce, and toppings, and that’s not a fun experience)
If I were motivated enough, I would find a gif from Dogdeball of Ben Stiller getting nasty with a pizza slice in his office. (in character, of course, I just forget what the character’s name was.)
See that’s what you get when rushing into a deal. You skimp the details and end up getting the short end of the stick.
That’s going to hurt his wallet.
I haven’t really chimed in with my whole thought on furries. I kind of stayed away from doing so because it was after midnight, and the chat gremlins were in danger of coming out, so I decided to wait.
I haven’t really met or been in an online community that prominently featured furries. I mean, I am sure they have been all around, I just haven’t been aware.
The only thing about furries that really bothers me is that, most often, it seems to be a fetish. I’m a known, card-carrying prude. This obviously will rub me the wrong way. Anthropomorphic animals, and people who dress up as such, don’t bother me. It’s when they try to make it something kinky.
Disney’s Robin Hood = A-OK
Tracy Bailey’s Catena Manor = A-OK
http://catenamanor.com/
Scott Christian Sava’s The Dreamland Chronicles = A-OK
http://www.thedreamlandchronicles.com/
I actually don’t know of any examples for things I wouldn’t be okay with. Well, there is Alvin Earthworm, but I only know about him because of Super Mario Bros. Z.
That’s pretty much it.
To some people it’s a fetish, in the same way people fetishize everything from socks to fruit with holes drilled into them.
For most, it’s just a bunch of people who are fans of the aesthetic. No different from anime fans who likes everything drawn in the anime style, even if it’s not actually related to a particular TV show or video game.
Personally, I’m a super hero kind of guy, and if ever given the society’s approval, I’d probably run around in spandex and boots all the time.
I find it interesting how many people prefer using utensils, and how many prefer using their hands. Not just for pizza, but in general. It’s an interesting look at a person. Me, I’m a hand eater.
I eat hands.
I wonder how many people are usually there if she estimated 5 pizzas. (and how many did she count for herself)
Let’s guess.
By inverting Barney Stinson’s pizza equation, I have managed to determine that the number of participants that would require five pizzas (rounded up to the nearest integer) is thirteen.
However, John was told to bring NO LESS than five pizzas, so I will err on the side of caution and submit the tentative hypothesis of 15 participants, allowing for a margin of error of 1.
I KNEW that high school class would come in handy someday!
Knowing her appetite I guess you overestimated the number of participants by far.
Hmm… you have a point. Unfortunately, since I do not possess the variables necessary for the more detailed equation (specifically, the hunger quotient, determined by the participants’ body weight and the amount of time elapsed since they last ate), I have to go basing myself on the simple equation. I also took into account that there is always that one person who never actually eats any of the food provided, be it due to his/her lack of appetite or innate shyness. I should know. I AM that guy.
Your point standing (and considering the possibility that some of the group members might share a similar appetite), I’ll lower my hypothesis to 11, but I’d submit a request to extend my margin of error to 2, considering the amount of variables unknown to us.
What the hell kind of pizzas are you guys familiar with? Around here 5 pizzas is about 6 people’s worth of food, three of those being teenage, with a leftover rate of about 1 pizza if you have breadsticks around.
What kind of pizzas are you talking about. One about the size of a “Pizza” that is referenced by the title is not a real filling pizza, Five regular large pizzas from a local place by me could satisfy plenty of my teenage friends.
Mostly basing myself off of a joke equation found in a book and taking it way too seriously. Then again, at family meetings, we can make 3 pizzas feed over 12 people, although admittedly a few members are elderly and tend to eat less.
Truth be told, I’m not too good at calculating this sort of thing, as my stomach is basically just a tiny black hole. I just tend to assume people generally eat a lot less than me. At parties and meetings I don’t even touch the food, because I know I’ll end up eating twice as much as everyone else and looking like a jerk.
Also I live in Mexico. We like our food fatty and big over here.
Well, it depends on where I get the pizza from and how big of pizzas. 5 extra large pizzas from Dominos, maybe 7-8 full grown adults. 5 extra larges from some of my local places, 20+ people. Those local ones also cost 2-3 times what Domino’s would though
As a Jew, I pretty much agree with everything you said, but I’m going to argue with you because that’s the Jewish way of doing things.
*argument*
Right then, good answer.
Wait, how did this get here? Ugh, going to repost it where it belongs.
The Giant from Arpeggios in Austin. It’s like three feet in diameter.
Yeah, I’m starting to doubt my original guess that Kepler is a ‘closet furry’. I do think he might try it — and like it.
Concerning Papa John’s and a number of other “pizza” chains:
I grew up (and still live) out here on the East Coast. Despite the large Italian population, the majority of our Pizza Houses are run by Greek families. When I was a kid, the place my family got pizza from most often was run by a French Canadian. The pizza was mediocre, but the grinders (subs, torpedoes, po’boys, hoagies, insert regional name for Big Sandwich of your choice) were incredible. When the owner retired, he sold the business to Tony, one of his employees who happened to be Greek. The pizza greatly improved and the grinders stayed the same. You can still get finely shredded cabbage instead of lettuce on your grinder, if you want — weird, but good.
The best pizza in the town I live in was made by an Italian guy who previously lived in Venezuela and in Mexico. His Taco Pizza was to die for. Unfortunately, he sold the business for a killing to some ribs chain, and they’ve kind of run it into the ground.
Due to Type II Diabetes, I’m not supposed to eat pizza any more — too many carbs in the crust — but I can still scrape the sauce, cheese and toppings off to eat that. To do this, I require at least a fork, and preferably a knife, so no, I don’t just stuff it in my grocery-hole like a barbarian!
Your way makes more sense and you could easily split a pizza with my spouse. They scrape everything off eating only the crust which after 20+ years still isn’t quite right. It is basically a piece of bread half toasted half with a bit of sauce and cheese oils soaked in.
Where we live now in TX there really isn’t any Pizza so it doesn’t seem like such a crime anymore at least. Sometime I make a pizza bagel with the scrapings though but less so down here with their “pizza”
Now, that is a crime… One of the best pizzas I ever ate was in Dallas (which real Texans will tell you isn’t really Texas). It was March 1998, and I was in town for a conference. On the I night arrived, the hotel restaurant was closed, so I went for a walk and found this incredible little hole-in-the-wall Mexican place. Most of the patrons were Mexican, and as a Mexican former girlfriend taught me, if the Mexicans eat there, it’s good. I was not disappointed.
On the way back, I passed a little Italian place. I revisited the next night with a friend from work, and we discovered why the Catholic Church’s headquarters is in Rome: the cooking has to be closest to heaven! The oven was all brick (none of that stainless steel, electric nonsense) and the pizza that came out of it was manna.
These days you can make your own pizza with whatever kind of ingredients you want. Broil or cook the pizza on the grill for the amount of heat required.
You’re right, Papa Johns does suck. If they are making “better pizza” now, I cant imagine how bad it was before. Most franchise pizzas are just tasetless salty greasy messes that just make you feel weird after eating them. And they really skimp on the toppings. My folks liked getting the cheese steak pizza but they never add enough meat, the peppers and mushrooms are more noticeable and they got rid of deep dish? Lame. And the stuff that passes for bread-sticks is pathetic, Dominos too.
Yeah, but sometimes you just want crud. Nobody finishes a meal from KFC or Taco Bell saying “I’m happy I ate that” but a month later you get that craving again.
Hmm. Probably from the stuff we put in the food. God bless America.
I used to work at Schwan’s loading trucks. Oddly enough they called us “material handlers”! LOL I could tell by the amount of stuff that kept going out that someone like it… though I found most of it so “rot-gut” that I never got addicted but I did eat a decent smattering cause it was free. I thought it came in two categories: 1) Food that wasn’t very tasty and 2) Food that upset my stomach even though I found it delicious….
Another mystery that working at Schwan’s created for me is: Why do people like ice cream that smells and tastes like medicine or if I’m feeling charitable chewing gum… (mint flavored ice cream –> yuck!)
Hmmm… well the “John’s a closet furry” theory is taking on water unless he is on the verge of transformation and just wants to make sure the community is compatible with how he does Furry in the privacy of his home.
All this talk of Pizza reminds me of one of my favorite pizza places ever.
Way back when I was in highschool, me and a friend worked the “late shift” on the weekend at a gas station, so till 2 in the morning on most Fridays and Saturdays. We got into the habit of ordering from a pizza place down the road owned by an old Romanian man. We’d always order the same thing every time, a large pepperoni pizza. After a couple of months, he’d recognize our voices on the phone. The pizzas got cheaper and they got heavier. The delivery driver loved it too, because it was a quick drive for him, and the cheaper the pizzas got, the bigger the tip he got, we just kept paying the same amount, $20. We even found out that the owner left instructions to the other people working there that if we call, they should come get him so he could make our pie. Often this meant the delivery driver going to the pub next to the pizza place so the owner could come make our pizza. This went on for a couple of years until the owner finally sold his business and moved away.
To this day, I have not had pizza as good as those made with love by a drunk Romanian man.
Thanks to this strip, I found out why Americans call back bacon Canadian bacon. Yay learning!
I know you say you aren’t fond of pizza with fruit on top, but if you like pepperoni, you really really ought to try pepperoni and pineapple. It’s like the mildly spicy version of a hawaiian without the icky canadian bacon on top. Delish.
I’m a huge fan of Pineapple with Canadian Bacon (Ham), regular Bacon, or even Pepperoni on occasion. If I’m feeling particularly froggy, all three meats at the same time, with sweet, fresh pineapple chunks.
It’s a veritable party on your palate!!
Big fan of ground beef with mushrooms and extra cheese, or spinach pizza with mushrooms, roasted chicken and white sauce.
Maybe not the best pizza I’ve ever had, but one of my favorites is the stuff sold in military base PX/BX food courts, from “Anthony’s Worlds Greatest (Greasiest) Pizza”.
Order a pepperoni slice and be sure to grab a few napkins to absorb the grease as it runs off the pizza slice. Definitely, not healthy..but pretty tasty all the same.
They also have a Bacon Double Cheeseburger that is pretty much, a mandatory buy whenever I find myself on base and jonesing for something, cheap, delicious, filling and oh so damned…unhealthy.
Oh, yeah. I remember eating at the New London Navy base commissary (the base is actually in Groton) with one of my coworkers. He blotted the 10W-30 off the top of the pizza with a napkin. Actually, lots of napkins…
So far, no one has recommended a sauerkraut, parsnip and Limburger pizza.
Which is probably a good thing.
It’s okay Jackie, we know you aren’t from NYC we don’t expect you to know better. XD
Ten pizzas would barely feed one furry! THIS COMIC IS TOTALL UNREALISTIC. >:C
Canadian Bacon is probably the least Canadian thing I’ve ever known in my entire life.
John, you’re an idiot.
You know, she could’ve ben more devious and asked for a date or something. Hooray moral superiority.
Just chiming in on pizza… Amy’s No Cheese pizza. If we were working on making an ideal pizza, I could do better, but it’s a store-bought vegan pizza that does not suck. Add on some Lite Life veggie pepperonis, half a package of Beyond Meat Beefy Crumbles, and some pineapple chunks, and it’s a really good pizza. Normally, I don’t bother with all of that, though. Most of the time I go for frozen pizza, I’m just looking for something quick.
I’ll make the guess of 8 furries, which is one more than she expected.
There’s a Papa John’s up the road from me. First time: “This is awesome! I must order again!” Second time, the next day: “I feel so run down, what was in that pizza?” It wasn’t a disease-type run-down, it was a bad-diet type run-down. There’s a non-chain pizza place up the other road which is not the most vitalizing food, but much better than that.