The big problem with really long posts where everyone responds with well thought out comments is I can’t always respond to them the way I think they should. I hope you can all forgive me for that.
Since we’re on the subject of what attracts us to potential mates why don’t you guys tell me your process for searching/capturing one? That seems like something that would be fun to read.
My process is to not do it at all, I guess… Maybe I should look in to getting a plan.
I suppose you could talk about the comic too. That’s a thing people do sometimes…
Well, I can say that the day I met my wife, I wasn’t trying to impress people, or show off, or do anything except have a good time and be friendly. I felt like the less I worried about impressing her, the more I actually was able to impress her with the best parts of my personality.
I well imagine that is the case for most people.
Unfortunately, experience has suggested to me that it is much less about method and more about baseline nature.
And since the majority of people have roughly the same personality (yes, seriously), that majority don’t have much trouble in the end. Those of us who are genuinely outlying freaks (and not just deluding ourselves into believing we’re different) have nothing more to rely on than rare, bizarre and fortuitous circumstances.
Even one like me has been married (+divorced) and had various experiences in the past… but honestly I’ve just got more withdrawn and sociopathic as I’ve got older…. so I probably couldn’t repeat the experience now even if I wanted to.
Y U NO ANSWER ME.
I am a girl. I don’t have to look for men. They come to me.
Male here. I have the odd problem of feeling almost zero interest in people until I’ve gotten to know them. Sure there is physical attraction but that’s nowhere near enough of an impetus to make me care about dating.
My usual problem is everyone I get to know well enough to want to date already has a boyfriend or is gay.
I haven’t had a date in five years. I’ve been interested in six or seven people.
I work at the mall, so I wait for a girl who isn’t obviously in a relationship (4 out of 5 seem to go to the mall as a couple for some reason) and try to strike up a conversation. Once or twice it’s gone pretty well, but as of yet this plan has bourn no fruits. Oh well, at least I’m getting practice in talking to girls (And telling which ones are taken. Seriously hardly any single girls go to the mall by themselves…)
Introduction To Skepticism, Professor J. Thomas Blackwell.
I didn’t have a plan or even the goal. In 1976 I ran into a girl who had been in my freshman physics class the previous quarter and we got to talking. We’ve been married since 1979.
Hey, your plan is the same as mine!
My plan is to gain some sort of hook, even the nicest of nice girls have some, for lack of a better, non-harsh, word, shallow conception of attraction that I have no way of achieving…I have the nice guy thing going for me but not the hook and nice only gets you to, as they say, “The Friend Zone: The only zone I’ve ever known.”
‘Cause having a girl like me for me is just not happening, at least not in the town I live in.
On that now, I wish my ghost believing friends would read webcomics so they would read this panel, so that they understand that I don’t think they are nuts for believing in ghosts, just that there’s truly no evidence…and all the ghost shows are fake.
They’ve been around for years and all they get is weird noises and flickering lights.
Which reminds me, with all the HD 3D Super Enhanced Cameras we have now, why don’t they have HD pics of bigfoot?
Oh no, tangent, I’ll stop here.
It’s easier for girls, of course. Men just come to me, but lord if I know why. On that same note though, when we break up, a few seem to decide to keep “loving” and “missing” me, long after I’ve gotten over it. maybe it’s callous, but after 2, or 4 years, you’d think they’d move on. These weren’t even long relationships. I’m a psych major, and I don’t get it. If someone cares to explain..
As I’ve often heard… the frequency of men “hitting on” women doesn’t vary with the average physical attractiveness of the woman in question… Only the quality of the men varies.
Honestly, it sounds worse than being avoided.
Plus there was that time with the ugly old bloke trying to chat me up. I suspected that was how women feel ~all the time~ …
I’ve only once tried to tell the woman I didn’t really move on from that I hadn’t moved on. I didn’t ever think that she would be interested in me, and we never actually date. But I dreamed of her for 11 years or more before I met her. I’ve continued to dream of her for nearly 28 years after I met her. As such, it doesn’t feel surprising to me that I haven’t been able to move on.
As far as other guys – once you’ve dated the most amazing person you’ve ever known, it’s difficult to find someone who can compare with them. Especially if the thing that was so amazing about the person was that they put up with you, and you’re now whinging about your loss, such that nobody else will. Of course, there are plenty of guys out there who don’t qualify for that ‘especially’ that still get stuck fixated on one person who doesn’t actually like them. But the especially block is the only category that I can explain without knowing the fixated individual other than the person seemed to be their ultimate.
I got lucky and did all the stuff people always say not to do and had it work. I went out with a friend back in high school. Usually they say not to date friends…dunno why. Anyway, we stayed together. For like, ever. We stayed together through college – long distance – then got married in 09 (on halloween!) and we’re still together. So, married a friend AND the very girl I went out with in high school AND we got through a long distance relationship. None of that was supposed to work, given stereotypes.
So yeah…I guess I got lucky. I never went out lookin’ for anyone. Just found a friend, and figured it was better to go with someone you know. Hell, that’s not true; I didn’t figure anything. It just happened. Can’t say “wait for it” is the best option for everyone, but it worked for me.
Love is like Russian Roulette: most of the time you’ll draw blanks but every now and then….
Bait trap. Hide and wait.
People rag on internet dating a lot, but in my experience, even if you don’t find your girl that way (I found mine at the trainstation!) you do get to meet a lot of nice and interesting girls. There was one, when I was still single, with whom I went to her house, she cooked me a simple meal, then we smoked a bit of hashish and watched Waking Life. No love interest, no physical attraction, but still had a hell of a time.
and hey, it can happen. Met my previous girlfriend through OKCupid.
Well, I believe in magnetism, which is nothing esoteric, just the principle that stuff that is comfortable with each other, is stuff that will eventually stick to each other.
So I basically try to hang around people a lot, and practice a lot of activities and/or simply go out on a sunny day. Then I just be myself the way I feel to be that particular day. When I enjoy myself I attract a lot of people, males or females alike, then some of these I’m bound to meet again eventually… Sometimes there’s a “spark” and everything is magical and perfect from the beginning, some other times you can feel there’s some feeling, but can’t quite understand what it is, some other times a particular girl doesn’t impress you at all, but after some time you find you enjoy her company more and more.
So, yeah, meet people, be yourself, and see what happens. The more people you meet, the easier it is to handle knowing somebody new, and the easier it is meeting someone new, because your connections increase.
If you don’t meet anybody it’s pretty difficult to have somebody “stick” to you…
Yeah, there are a lot of missed chances this way. A day you feel “blue” is enough to drive away a person that would otherwise have stuck as a great mate/friend/partner. Some other times, you meet the perfect person in the wrong context or at the wrong time. I remember quite fondly two particular girls, incredible attraction and incredible feeling, but I only met them once… I keep in touch with both now, but they’re quite far, and nothing happened ever since. Sadface.
But yeah, meet people, be yourself, somebody will stick eventually (or you will stick to somebody eventually, that works too), and don’t be afraid to let go. The girl I’m dating now I’ve been knowing for five years, and we got together only now. We had an incredible connection from the beginning, but we were both in a relationship at the time, and lived very far away. Years later, we wound up in closer cities by sheer chance, and got together, and I couldn’t be happier.
Tbh I have no idea what I did, I fell in love with my flat mate in about the 1st year of living together. She moved out 3 years later and I spent the next 7-8 years thinking about her. I eventually took the plunge after having been a coward for so long and told her how I felt.
Turns out she had been I’m love with me for just as long but neither of us thought the other felt the same! We are now married, and I still have no clue what I did to make her feel that way.
@Comic: Thomas is stating exactly my opinion on the matter: There is no definite proof against ghosts existing, but no proof for their existence either, and everything would for the most part seem to suggest that they don’t, so I don’t believe in them. Then again, the same could potentially be said for religion, and I am a Christian, so…
@Annotation: Okay, well, first of all, yes, I know I’m weird. Now with that out of the way: I’ve never had a girlfriend and never plan to. The thing is I don’t want a mate. I have no need for emotional support or love and I plan to remain a virgin for the rest of my life. The physical attraction is there, though I often wish it wasn’t, but it’s a situation of mind over matter, and I like being alone. If somehow I ever actually fall in love with someone, than I may possibly change my mind, but I don’t foresee that happening. My only regret is that I tend to not look for regular friends either, and I wouldn’t mind having more friends.
Married since ’88, I had only been interesting to women for about a year before marrying a former co-worker when I was 25. Basically I ranged over a wide geographic area until a girl decided I was of worth their time – the more people you are exposed to, the better your chances. I needed a lot of exposure, there were only 4 women in the world who ever expressed interest.
Anyway, just wanted to (not really WANTED, but felt I should) point out field is spelling feild in today’s strip.
Man, this comic can not come out fast enough for me. Give me MOOOORRE!!!
My plan has generally been to be very nice to women, foolishly grasp at a relationship and then break up within a month when we realise we have nothing in common at all. I have never found an interesting and attractive woman who was likewise interested in me, and had anything really in common with me.
So yeah, going to buy some pit traps and bait them with pictures of Prince Harry.
How to find women:
1. Notice how picky you are. If you have absolutely no standards whatsoever, then you can simply notice when a woman seems to like you. Ask her to have sex with you. Chances are she will say yes, if not ask the next one. Depending on how attractive you are, 10% or more of the women you meet will be willing to have sex with you. It doesn’t matter whether you’re ugly, but it does matter whether you smell bad. If you aren’t fat or have really bad acne, the minimum of women who appear to like you who will have sex with you will be more like 30%. It’s far easier to choose women who like you than to first pick women and then try to get them to like you.
2. If you do have some sort of standards, then notice women who meet your standards. Then for each one, do something to get her to notice you. Weeks later, say 3 weeks to a month, approach her in a friendly way and invite her to have sex. Perhaps 30% will accept. It’s a whole lot better if she notices you doing something she approves of. So if you are friendly and helpful to an old women who has nothing to offer you, that stands out. If you have a dog that likes you. If you walk your cat. Cats won’t take a leash, so to walk a cat you must be attentive to its needs, it will mostly follow you but you must be ready to protect it, and notice the particularly scary places, etc. People who understand cats and their needs are likely to understand women and their needs too. Etc. The more you’re nice to people in general etc, without just looking for chances to impress people, the more chances you’ll get to be noticed by women you might like. Some women like sports stars or rock band members etc, so you could try becoming a sports star or a rock star also.
3. If you want a lot of women — Do it the same way, and be nice to the first woman, and when she’s ready to dump you then accept it in a friendly sort of way — a bit rueful but completely accepting. By the third time you do this word of mouth will tell a lot of women that you are fun to be with and you are not insanely possessive etc. There are a lot of women looking for somebody like that, and some of them share.
4. If you want a relationship — This is tricky. When you tried looking for women without any standards yourself, you probably noticed that a lot of women who like sex are kind of crazy. Some of them are insanely possessive, and some of them feel like they prove how valuable they are when they can make you miserable and keep you miserable. You didn’t run into the crazy women who didn’t like sex, but it probably felt like you met every single crazy woman who did. These are not people you want to be in a relationship with. How do you tell how crazy a woman is? Sometimes you can tell quick, but often you only find out with long experience. Now, suppose that you get involved with 5 crazy women in a row, which is not unlikely, and each of them takes 3 years from your life. That’s 15 years of crazy, and after that you are no further along than before toward finding what you want. Ouch. So I say, make friends with a lot of women without actually getting into relationships with them. Notice how crazy they are. Eventually you might approach a few of them with the intention of starting a relationship, and go with the first of them who’s interested in you. You might want to settle for a woman who’s a little bit crazy. After all, she’s settling for you.
5. If you are a mad scientist — Scientists have subtle ways to select bacteria for special properties. For example, to find bacteria that are resistant to penicillin, you can grow 5 billion bacteria and then dump enough penicillin on them to kill all but one in a billion. The 5 that are left will be the mutants you want. Suppose you want bacteria that can’t do something? Penicillin kills only bacteria that are growing. So put the 5 billion bacteria into the conditions you want your mutant to stop growing, and dump penicillin on them. After most of them are dead, wash away the penicillin and put them in the conditions you do want them to grow. Only the mutants you want will survive. If you are a mad scientist, you might find a way to do that with human beings. Find a way to change the world that will kill the women you don’t want and let the women you do survive. There are close to 4 billion women alive in the world today, so if you kill all but 10 of them, one of those ten will be the one you want. If you do it right. You will unfortunately not get another chance to repeat the experiment, so be sure you get it right the first time. This is a method reserved for mad scientists who have supreme self-confidence. If there’s a chance the wrong women might survive, go back and plan more carefully.
Also I think CWR meant “field is SPELT feild…”.
Seriously. who are you to be picky??
(and again)Also everybody wants to be with somebody. It is a basic biological urge. But generaly the way you meet somebody is by accident. By taking a chance. That one fluke. It sounds corny to those who haven’t but I bet everyone who has got someone can think back to one certain moment in time and think – if that ONE THING hadn’t happened… well then nothing would have.
So get out there and stop thinking you’re too good for it all. Get over yourself and fall in love.
In and out one thousand times if necesary.
Heehee. Just noticed I put field and feild the wrong way around. :D
Or not. Now I’m confused about the proper English.
J Thomas- Ask her to have sex with you???
You are hilarious.
I found my current gf (five years and still strong ^_^) online, chatting… we dated online for two years, while still in highschool, and I moved out to her the day I graduated. now we’ve got our own apartment in Denver, and are happy as could be.
“Finding” someone was never something I really tried… I was just honest and attracted, and it worked out. Good luck to you in your pursuits~
Also, not sure how I feel about this arc itself, but I enjoy the writing and the darker art. I’m torn, but you’ve still got my attention, so I can’t complain~
Um, “feild” is not a word.
Also, if you really want to get laid, I have some advice for you.
Wasn’t doing anything when I caught my fiance. Then again, the running joke is that she is marrying the rebound:)
I should probably add that we started dating six years ago and have been going strong the whole way.
heres a hint: women don’t like to think they are being “acquired” or “caught”. We’re not pokemon.
I got nothing. I cared about relationships at one point. A few pains in the asses and a lot of single time later, I’ve concluded I’m fine on my own. I can still appreciate beauty and hotness (I distinguish the two) but I’d rather look and not start something I don’t care to finish.
@Katie Leon: I actually hear the same thing from women about about finding a man. Of course I usually don’t hear about capturing him until they’ve started dating.
Don’t forget matter/energy equivalency. And how about the entire electromagnetic spectrum, which is everything from gamma rays to radio waves? You’ve got ultraviolet, visible light, microwave, infr…well, you get the idea.
“Ask her to have sex with you???
You are hilarious.”
Pixilated Mind, I tried to write in an amusing way, but I’m 100% serious. If you want a woman to have sex with you, and she has noticed you at least a few weeks before, then ask.
Do not spend money on her first. If you do, she may feel like you have tried to buy her, like you might think she has some sort of obligation. NOBODY likes to hear “I’ve spend X dollars on you so now you owe me sex”. But if she says yes or no either one, then there’s nothing wrong with spending money on her afterward.
And she has to have noticed you. A lot of women don’t like it when some random anonymous guy asks them to have sex. Or they might not mind, but they don’t want to say yes. A lot of women don’t want to think they’re the sort who’d have sex with some stranger just because he asked. So it’s a lot better if she thinks of you as somebody she knows and that she has a generally good opinion of.
But the most important thing is to ask. If you were eating together and you wanted her to pass the salt, would you make eye contact and make meaningful glances at the salt, and make small talk and edge into general discussions about salt, and tell her how much you like her, and so on? No. You’d ask her to pass the salt. And 99% of the time she’d do it.
Sex is a lot more important to women and there are problems and risks and potential consequences, so it isn’t 99% for that. If you are an average sort of man who is not a stranger, it’s more like 30%. But one more time — you have to ask. Don’t expect her to ask. Don’t expect her to snuggle up to you and start pulling your pants down. Don’t expect her to cleverly trip the circuit breaker so you are suddenly in the dark, and then start kissing you. All of those things are possible, but not the least bit likely.
Well, I have built up a criteria for my search. I find that we have to have common ground on things and both of us be able to be open-minded about new experiences.
Geeky, enjoy reading, intelligent, creative, atheist, sexually adventurous, and able to put up with me.
I am sure there are others but I have just woken up. I have also attracted a mate and despite promptings that she could run away, she steadfastly refused. Now I just have to keep motivated to be the change I see in myself so I can accept someone else into my life who obviously wants to be part of it. With her I doubt I will have any problems.
Also, I think a couple of you took his usage of the word “guys” too literally. He was using the gender neutral version of the word and one of passing familiarity. Instead of using the more lenghty “guys, girls, transgendered, aliens, living and the dead, Those who read and those who listen because their eyes fail them. How do all of you attract/capture a mate.”
Sloth from the goonies doesn’t say “Hello, ladies and gentlemen, of both youth and decrepitude, of cruelty and kindness.” His catchphrase is much different and gender neutral.
Comic bits. Ghosts: now made from Cold Fusion!
Going with thermal and slightly electrical as they show up in cameras funny and leave chills in places they’ve been at for long periods of time.
Well, there’s one reason I might believe in ghosts, considering there’s no real proof. Mom’s father had passed on, and shortly afterward, somebody had caught up with mom and her sister to tell them that her father had told her that none of my family will be endangered by any natural disaster.
Now, there have been natural disasters that seem to be heading straight for the homes of my extended family, and they have just passed around, or turned back as if not to hit us. The house I was living in from my 1st grade to Junior years of schooling got a busted water heater on my Junior year, adding to the reasons we’d have to move. My senior year, we had moved out of the house that we’d been living in, and I got a report from a classmate from the school I’d been attending until just after Junior year that the house I had been living in had been hit by a tornado my senior year.
Given the chances, I find it a bit easier to believe that ghosts or spirits do exist.
Well, one important aspect for me is “If it comes down to a bar brawl, is this girl going to hide behind me or grab a pool cue and fight beside me?”
Hint: I prefer option 2.
It’s strange to me that two women commented “the guys come to me!” That never worked out for me. Maybe I’m clueless when it comes to flirting, but I’ve had to do a lot of the asking-out, and dealt with the rejection, too.
Married four years; my husband has frequently told me that he NEVER would have asked me out; we have a mutual acquaintance that hated him at the time we were developing our friendship. He assumed that she had “poisoned the well” so to speak, and so he thought the best relationship we could have would be just a platonic one. In the meantime, I had developed a crush on him and ran him down over the course of a month (constant hanging out, making him take me to parties, getting meals together, etc.). He never had a chance, really. And now he’s mine. Moo-hoo-ha-ha.
We lucked out on compatibility. It helped that we had already known each other for 3 years prior to really becoming friends. We both were at the stage in life that I’ve noticed a lot of people in their late twenties/early thirties hit: the “I’m not playing around anymore” stage. It’s either get married or break up for some people, so since we lucked out, were compatible, and fell in love, we got married. But we both were agreed within 3 months that that was the plan and otherwise, I think we would have broken up at the 3 month mark so as not to waste each other’s time.
Getting a mate? Dunno.
At the time, I was the “friend” who was funny & had a great personality or so I was told, by the girls in question. Being 35 now & still alone shows that wasn’t enough.
Now, generally speaking, the women my age are either married or divorced & bitter.
In all likelyhood, my “great personality” has probably soured too.
@ J Thomas:
You seem to be putting the sex first in every situation, regardless of goals (this may be part of what Pixilated Mind was getting at). That’s logical for one night stands, but using “so, you wanna to have sex?” as the opener to a potential relationship is a bit odd, and counterproductive.
At the very least you’re overlooking the most basic rule of statistics: your survey methods will always bias your results. If your first approach to all woman is to proposition sex, then the only relationships you will ever have will be with women who are willing to have casual sex with someone outside of a relationship, with all the biases that comes with that.
That’s all good if you’re looking for casual sex, but if you’re looking for a relationship, then this approach will actually reduce your statistical chances. In that situation, establishing openness to a relationship should be your primary elimination criteria. A chunk of those women who would turn you down for sex will have said “yes” if in a relationship, and a chunk of those will have been attracted enough to you to have said “yes” if your overture was relationship-based instead of sex-based. Almost all women who are interested in a relationship will be interested in sex as a part of that, it’s just a question of how established the relationship has to be. A relatively large chunk of the women who said “yes” to sex first will not be interested in a relationship, however.
Your selection order will result in a lot of false eliminations. And that’s not even getting into the possible statistical biases RE: emotional stability and/or relationship-friendly personality, morality, or personal wants & ambitions introduced by making willingness/desire for casual sex the opening criteria.
I’ve never really felt that being a girl made things any easier. We can and should ask guys out, though admittedly I’ve only done it once (too many protocols in my head). However, I also don’t get asked out all that often. Barring strangers who try to kiss me in the middle of Wal-Mart and a few other such gems, I usually don’t get that many takers (unless they’re all intimidated by my sarcasm and extreme lack of height, and thus just pine away in secret). Therefore, my process for finding someone I like is fairly neurotic with a big dash of self-esteem issues.
1)Get to know a nice guy, and realize he’s a pretty cool friend (for at least half a year).
2)Suddenly realize “Holy Crap! I fancy him! That’s not a good idea. Why did I do this?”
3)”No. I can’t like him. That would mean I have a problem with my brain being missing. Liking him would be bad”
4)Angst angst angst
5)”Fine, self. You win.”
Ah, I’m not talking morality there, mind you. You can remove a lug nut with a hammer if you’re persistent enough, but a wrench takes way less time & energy, and risks less damage. That doesn’t mean hammers are bad, just that, y’know, different jobs call for different tools.
CBob, I can see how it would look that way to you.
“You seem to be putting the sex first in every situation, regardless of goals (this may be part of what Pixilated Mind was getting at).”
If we’re talking about men/women, sex is usually central to the issue. You don’t usually hear people say “I don’t have any trouble making friends with people of one gender, but I just don’t seem to get friends of the other gender and that’s such a problem for me, what would it take for me to make more friends with these other people?” There are some people who feel like they don’t make friends easily, but when men have concerns specifically about women, sex is usually central to it.
“That’s logical for one night stands, but using “so, you wanna to have sex?” as the opener to a potential relationship is a bit odd, and counterproductive.”
Didn’t I point that out? Only in the part about relationships, though. There’s nothing terribly wrong with starting a relationship with somebody you’ve had sex with, but if you get into a committed relationship with somebody you don’t know, you’re taking complete pot luck about how crazy they are etc. And the longer the committed relationship lasts, the less time you have left in your life to find somebody you can get along with better.
So if you want a relationship, it’s better to find some way to look for women you would like, which lets you vet a lot of women at once. So, say you would like to marry by the time you are 35, and you’re 20 now. That allows only 15 years to look. If you find women one at a time and get into 3-year relationships, that gives you only 5 chances. If it’s 1-year relationships that’s 15 chances assuming you bounce directly from one to another. If you’re friendly but not committed with 20 women at a time, that gives you many more chances to find someone you like. But it’s better not to have sex with very many of them or maybe a whole lot of the women will decide they don’t want a committed relationship with you before you decide which one you want.
“At the very least you’re overlooking the most basic rule of statistics: your survey methods will always bias your results. If your first approach to all woman is to proposition sex, then the only relationships you will ever have will be with women who are willing to have casual sex with someone outside of a relationship, with all the biases that comes with that.”
Yes, exactly! That’s about half the population, though for the majority of men it will look more like a third because some women are willing to have casual sex but are not willing to have casual sex with *you*.
If you choose only women who are not willing to have casual sex with anyone at all, that also biases your results and it biases them in inconvenient ways. But it’s your choice. You had better find ways to screen them before you get into relationships, because you will have to prove you are deeply committed in order to even have the relationship, which is slow, and if it doesn’t work out it’s likely to be a long dramatic tragic breakup.
From an epidemiological point of view, it’s unwise to have a whole lot of casual sex. But people get so knotted up about it, maybe it’s good to do enough to find out how easy it is, and how meaningless. Then if you want a relationship, the relationship issues aren’t clogged up with the thought that it’s your only possibility for sex. People who feel sex-starved may put up with relationship problems that they would never accept otherwise.
I’ve met men who believe that it’s important to have sex right away to find out if they are “sexually compatible”. I doubt that needs to be a big issue — a couple who’s devoted to each other can work out those issues one way or another, if there’s even a problem. Still some people can put a lot of effort into building a relationship and then when they finally have sex they feel like their life-partner is just not very good at it. That seems shallow to me, and after all everybody learns with time what they like, and learns to like what they have, but still I don’t want to say that their criteria are wrong for them.
And as for trying to get dates or such with people, I don’t. For one thing, such a thing doesn’t really interest me. For another, if you have a disability that may be hereditary, you have to pause to consider whether you want to risk that disability being passed on should you really hit it off with somebody. And while there’s a chance that the woman may not want to have a child, there’s also a risk that if you get along splendidly with somebody, they will want to have that baby, and from that situation, there’s too much risk for unhappiness for the people involved, either if I agree to have the child and the disability gets passed down, or if I say that there’s no way we’ll have that baby.
And then there’s the fact that I’m so introverted, I wouldn’t be likely to even ask for the date, and it’s still a rather rare thing for the girl to ask the guy.
And to base out this page with a 3rd comment…
I have no method advice.
I used to try things. Some sorta worked. Some definitely didn’t.
Problem is… if you use different tactics to draw people in, you draw in different sorts of people… and usually the sorts that don’t vibe with whatever one’s usual behaviour is.
“Being yourself” won’t necessarily achieve anything… BUT if it does, then it’ll probably achieve the right thing.
Case in point, my way of making friends generally involves picking fights with people. My “friends” are the ones who don’t consider that a bad thing. =3
Doubtful you’ll ever read this, but for first time readers who like to look through the comments, here you go!
First I wanna respond to Thomas and his spirit stuff!
I don’t want to use the dumb phrase of “some things you just can’t know” because it seems like such a cop out. I guess I’ll say it now to get it over with: If you are an atheist, you will think this is all hokey bullshit. Which is cool with me, everyone is entitled to their own opinions. And as long as you aren’t hurting anyone with ’em, I don’t really mind!
I do view spirits as an energy, but not the kind of energy that he’s talking about. I think that everyone has an energy about them. I don’t like the term aura, but I guess that’s the closest thing that I can say that might make you understand what I mean. I believe that plants, animals, the earth, and whatever is beyond our planet…I think we’re all connected by an energy. That’s what I think God is. God is the force that creates us, that keeps us together. God does not have a gender, or a form, or anything like that. God is not a white man in the sky. It is a force.
We are what we are because of chemicals. Our bodies have or lack certain chemicals, and it determines what we do. But I think that everyone has a certain something within us that makes us who we are. Can we discover it? Maybe! But I think that it is released when we die, and becomes apart of the world at large. I also think that we can sometimes commune with those spirits, and sometimes they try and commune with us.
I don’t think they can interact with the physical world. But I also think that saying for certain that something could never happen is foolish. You must be open to ideas, open to possibilities. I know this statement will be met with “oh so you think that it’s possible to become an animorph, or become an airbender?” That is sarcastic nonsense. I am talking about the world around us. Humans obviously have limitations, but does our world? Certainly we have laws of physics, and I do not try to deny them. But demanding that something is or is not makes no sense. How can you know? You can’t.
And that’s what gets ya Thomas. The fact that you can’t know. Faith. You have to believe. And if you can’t have faith, you won’t ever be able to believe. I have faith. And I am open to all things. I believe that everyone has a bit of the truth. I have had experiences where I believe my mother has been contacted by the dead.
A medium on a bus in Cuernavaca did a reading for my mother for free, and then commented that the spirit world looked favorably on her. She was in a bookstore, and there was a book signing for a famous medium. She noticed the medium was staring at her, so my mother decided maybe she ought to approach. The woman described a person for her in detail, and asked my mother if she knew someone of that description who had died. My mother said yes, her grandmother. The medium smiled and said that my mom’s grandmother was following her around. The day my mother and I decided to release my father’s ashes into the sea, my mother was feeling very nervous and sad. It had been years since she’d touched the ashes. It was raining heavily out, and she began to talk to my father, told him her worries. When she finished, the sun came out, and a beam of light illuminated the box where she kept the ashes, and she was filled with a sudden sense of calm.
Yes, all of these could be explained away with a specific reason. But I have faith, and so does she. And that is the only way to believe.
I see all the comments unless they come in so fast one gets by me. Which almost never happens. I appreciate you taking the time to post.
Oh cool! I posted that last post before I saw this. :) Well I’m glad you can see them, that’s awesome.
Do I have a type? …Yeah.
Firstly, red heads are my weakness. No matter if it’s dark red, orangey or what–it’s my weakness. I will probably have a bit of an attraction to you.
After that, I tend to like people with darker skin. Race doesn’t really fit into the equation, I just think darker skin tones are beautiful.
I’m also attracted to people who are bigger than average. I say bigger, because there are a few things that go along with that. I like chunky guys, gals, and everything in between, but I also like muscular people as well. But not like body builder type. Skinny people just don’t do it for me. I need some meat on those bones!
Okay now that the superficial garbage is out of the way, lets get on to the rest. All that superficial nonsense tends not to matter that much to me. You’ll find that my track record on men has been skinny white dudes, with the exception of two. I tend to be able to land ladies of my body preference, but I’ve definitely had crushes on those who are not.
I want to be able to talk with you about anything, and have arguments on things without actually being angry with each other. (by that I mean educated arguments on topics, where we both learn something new) I need you to have a sense of humor, to have brains in your head, and to be open minded. I also want to date people who have the same morals as I do. For instance, while I can be close friends with conservative republicans, I could never date one.
I also look at habits. I can’t date a drug abuser. I say abuser because I view alcohol and marijuana as drugs, and I know that both can be used safely. Harder drugs are a no for me. I’ve had too many horrible experiences with drug addicts to be okay with it. I also can’t date a toddler. If we are not long distance and you are complaining that I don’t text fast enough, my patience is up with you. That may sound cruel, but it is emotionally manipulative, and you need to grow the hell up. I have a life, and a potential mate must understand that. Having been in abusive relationships before, I now know what to look for. If you exhibit any of those qualities, you will be thrown out of my life.
I also refuse to be with anyone who expects sex, is a slut shamer, or a person who hates feminists. You do you man, but you’re basically the hamburger at the Mexican restaurant. As tasty as you are, that’s really not what I came here to eat.
As of now, I’m recently single, and it’s made me a bit sad. But I’m a believer that there is someone out there for everyone. Maybe they are on the other side of the world. Maybe they’re across the street. It just depends if you actually want to look for them or not.