There exists a version of this story, in my mind, where after remembering all of these little moments, Thomas hardens his heart, tells Patty to take her hand off of him, and builds a wall between them that probably wouldn’t be worth climbing. Some younger, less wise, version of myself, whose heart is still crying out for some kind of revenge, would write something like that. I don’t know which version of me is the most correct. I’m the version I am now. The one who wants people to think a little longer, try a little harder, and forgive people who genuinely ask for forgiveness. This fictional person has the benefit, or curse, of bein g written by current me, depending on how you see the world.

Everyone carries their trauma around their whole lives. Some people hide it. Some people wear it like a badge of honor. Some wield it like a weapon. We trade it back and forth like currency, and try to balance it out on imaginary scales against each other. Trauma writes itself into our DNA. We pass it down through generations like a cursed inheritance. I think that eventually, if we intend to fix anything, someone has to say enough. I won’t be bound for all time by things that can’t be changed and forgive transgressions that are small enough to scale. Very rarely have I found it in myself to be that person, but I’d like to be. I think.

In another decade I may find that being generous in that way is actually naive. Maybe lasting hate is the right path, but it doesn’t feel right to me now. I wish I had a better answer than vibes, but I don’t. I’m at least wise enough to know that I don’t have all the answers and that will have to be good enough for now.

Anyway, I’ll be back on Friday with more comic. Please consider supporting my work if you find value in it. Until next time, Tron lives.

31 Comments

Lasting hate is what’s going on in the Middle East, and large swaths of America, depending on whose politics you’re affiliated with.

It’s never a good thing. Being generous and kind, while holding people accountable does seem to be a diminishing quality these days :<

I for one like the way you've written Thomas, and everyone else.

Forgivness must be earned. If you just forgive everything ypu set the offending party up for reoffending because they now think they can get away with it.
Now in this case, a lot of time has passed and Patty seems to come from place of remorse and apology. Thomas now hardening would just make him the bad guy.
But sometimes, you need that long undying hate, just can’t let it take control and make all the decissions for you.

No, forgiveness doesn’t need to be earned. It’s a gift you award to someone, whether they “deserve” it or not, because the gift of forgiveness to yourself is so great. It frees you up from the draining and ultimately destroying cancer of hate. Hate has no value to anyone beyond the brief initial energy of action, which hopefully is used for thought and not revenge.

Who said anything about forgiveness, or that forgiveness needs to come with more chances to do bad? If you allow your hatred to spill over onto unjustified targets, or allow your hatred to justify your own bad behaviors, you become the bad person doing bad things. Yes, people should be held accountable for their own behaviors, as the person you responded to said. You can, and should, hold people to account without allowing hatred to poison your heart or affect your judgement. Those are, in fact, entirely compatible ideals to hold.

Forgiveness isn’t about excusing the transgression with no consequence, it is about letting go of the pain and rage that you hold in your heart so it stops hurting you further. By holding onto the hatred, you are allowing them to continue harming you, potentially long after they are no longer present in your life, and therefore allowing them to hold influence and possibly even control over your heart, mind, and behaviors. Hatred, in the context of being in response to harm done to you by others, is a splinter that needs to be removed if you ever wish to properly heal from the damage caused.

This. Forgiveness isn’t about forgetting, nor is it about enabling.

I’ve heard it often said that holding a grudge (refusing to forgive) is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.

Agree! You hold back your old thoughts of revenge which will fade when not “fed.” Positive vibes are the ones that keep the world working well. Thomas is a nicely complex delight.

I’ve commented on the last couple pages that I think it’s understandable why Thomas was so dismissive of Rulette’s presence when they first reconnected, given how things seem to have went down. From his perspective he was a good friend who stuck by her, but in the end she failed to stand by his side when he needed her, and then took 10 years to come see him again. Worse still when she did finally see him, in her own words, she tried to act like how they used to be, hoping nothing had changed. But it had, and that kind of attitude invalidates the pain Thomas went through. Thankfully, Rulette has continued to try to make up, apologizing for her actions, and making it clear that Thomas still means a lot to her. She did not take his challenge of mending their friendship as some cruel task, but rather a goal to strive for. She wants her best friend back… and I would say Thomas is very much open to that goal too.

“Patty, I forgive you, not because of your words but because of your massive honkers. But I also realize that that time has passed. I now have access to an even more massive pair of honkers. A fricking ridiculous pair.”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=thJgU9jkdU4

i mean some serious honkers. a real set of badonkers. packin some dobonhonkeros. massive dohoonkabhankoloos. big old tonhongerekoogers.

Excuse me, but isn’t the badonk normally mounted in the rear region?

That would be a badonkadonk, which is very different to a set of badonkers

It’s nice that Thomas can explore all of the options.

;D
Hee, hee, hee!

See also my comment on yesterday’s comic.

Makes me wonder how many of us enjoyed the luck of having their destiny written by a forgiving writer

Instead of luck, it COULD be a choice, as it says in Ephesians 1:11, speaking of those who have chosen to follow Jesus and make Him their Lord. (i.e. Christians): “In Him [God] we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of Him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of His will…”

I think it’s good for Thomas to be willing to forgive, though I would still be annoyed by how thick she’s laying it on, how quick she seems to be trying to just go right back to the old days. Not saying that’s a reason not to forgive her, just that I’d want her to pump the brakes, take things one day at a time, let me adjust to this change.

I definitely could have seen the comic going the way you said it might have, and that would be a valid and equally interesting place for it to go, but I think this fits the character better and, if I may speak as someone who’s followed the comic and your ramblings below it for a long time, and has seen you struggle through many things, seeing you reach for forgiveness makes me smile.

the two you’s is a something a lot of people go through. I’ve seen people grow in the opposite direction in my life and weep for them. softer and gentler hands nurture relationships. I understand why they become hard and can respect it but I do hate to see it.

Smile

It might not just be the author who’s older & wiser. I wonder if the Thomas from the first strip, before dating Carol, before meeting whats-her-face (the ex) again, would have forgiven Patty here? There was some form of implicit forgiveness towards his ex also, wasn’t there?

Because there was no good reason to keep the grudge, if I remember right. But that was long ago.

Not now of course, and likely not given her preferences. But Thomas would pass out if Carol wanted a 3s.

(wheezing) “I can’t breathe! But I die happy.”

It’s just my view:
these two seem to say: some Bozo things happened in our past- but let’s forgive + forget them, + try to move forward for now.

Works out pretty well that Thomas is willing to not be the grudgeholder he was. Growth, I suppose. Helps that he’s actually got a support network to fall back on now.

I know everyone is different, but to me I personally love when an author creates something where I want to see those divergent paths as well as the one we go down. I know that to some that comes across as not respecting the story being shared, or shows either a lack of focus on my part or the writer being not engaging enough to hold it.

To me, I mean it as the upmost respect for an author: It means I have complete faith in your ability to craft a believable story that I would follow wherever it leads. Not always foolproof, as both writer and reader are human, but I’m always happy when I go from “that was a great story” and even “I wish I had more of this story” to “I wonder would have happened if…”; I’m more engaged in the world created.

I’d have loved to have seen the version where the wall was built and no effort was made to climb it; I’d also have loved to have read where an attempt to overcome ended in failure, or where it somehow does succeed. I am happy to have this version as well, as it feels like good character growth and development for Thomas and I can’t wait to see where it goes!

Lasting hate is NEVER the right choice.

I am increasingly concerned that Thomas has not yet said “You know I have a girlfriend, right?” If he lets bygones be bygones, Patty might get the wrong idea (she’s acting like she already *has* the wrong idea, actually).

Genuinely, thank fuck you didn’t go with the harsh ending. I’ve had a Patty in my life, and she basically ruined everything for me. She branded me with the worst thing I could possibly be called, torched my friend group, and left me badly mentally scarred.

I would forgive her, I think, if we ever encountered one another again. I would want to push her away for my own safety, but I feel like I owe it to myself and her to just… finally let go. I’m thankful Thomas seems to have reached the same conclusion; I can’t imagine the pain we’d both feel if he hardened.

Seeing all of the flashback, a few things have certainly become clearer.

First, they were close close friends. She clearly made a very important part of his childhood.

Also, while his being upset and feeling betrayed by her is entirely understandable, it also seems he probably also over reacted about a lot of it.

Given her dad died though seemingly soon after that confrontation, or near enough to it, he never actually had time to cool and talk it out with her dad. So things just stayed that way. It DOES seem maybe he had some limited interactions with her since, but not much, and it was right around that same time.

Really, I think leaving things stale for so long is probably about 2/3 on him.

She could have reached out as well of course, but she always had the door open and even set up a beacon to him with renaming the store something deeply personal between them.

Either way, this is looking like a better outcome out of many at this point, and hopefully their friendship can actually restart genuinely now.

I don’t know if it’s worth anything, but I like the version of you that you are now. And I also like that Thomas chose the path of forgiveness, because it’s a LOT harder and also riskier than just turning your back on the person who wronged you.

3034 Is It Really All That High?

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