1804 Scent Of Print.

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Well, I went to the doctor &, basically, she thought that all of my symptoms are caused by anxiety. Honestly, I think that some of it is legitimate & physical, & it feeds into the anxiety, but I’m not the expert. My blood doesn’t have too much iron in it at the moment, nor has it for over a month at least, so the cpap is properly oxygenating it while I sleep. I went ahead and went back to the local chiropractor. It had been two years since I had last been, which was surprising to me. He was able to manipulate my neck, which seemed to help with some of my dizziness, and lower spine, which seems to have alleviated some of the problems I was having with my bowels. The doctor gave me some antibiotics just to be safe because of my foot and the infected feeling in my ears and jaw. We’ll see how it feels after a couple of days. She wasn’t sure about giving me anxiety medication since I react so badly to them, and it disrupts my life so much when they don’t work right. She suggested counseling, but I don’t know how I’m going to make that work. I’m not against the idea, but it’s a big hassle. Anyway, I’m just going to try and cope for now until I can do something.
Additionally I think they doctor has a skewed idea of my relationship with my mother. I always have someone come with me to the doctor because after my foot problems I sometimes pass out and don’t like going far without someone I trust. I don’t like potentially leaving my safety to the care of strangers. I think it’s a good idea to go to any medical situation with someone who knows you just in case something happens. Considering that the doctor’s office can’t even seem to convey simple information within its own walls I don’t think it’s weird or foolish to take an accountabilibuddy along. I mean, I lived on my own for years. Before I got sick I did all the normal things people do, but since my body won’t regulate my own temperature properly anymore I can’t just wander around all over the place. It’s better than it was, but if I’m too cold and too hot for too long it’s an issue. It’s getting better, but slowly. So fucking slowly. I can at least tell when I’m too cold now. For a couple of years I felt hot regardless of the actual temperature, so I always thought I was fine until I suddenly was too cold.
Anyway, I’m still screwed up, but I’ll get by.

Since I was in town I went to Gamestop. I got Dragon’s Crown used for the PS3, since I’ve always wanted to try it. It’s very pretty and a lot of fun, if a little messy. Reminds me of the old four player arcade games. I waited years until it was really cheap because I know I’m probably not going to get to play it a lot, but I’ll get my $10 out of it at least. It’s a beautiful game with a really strong sense of style, plus it feels like a real D&D kind of game. The voice acting of the narrator really helps sell the premise. I’m glad you can fill your party with AI players, since I doubt I’ll ever be able to get a group of people to play with me.

24 Comments

oh that one’s a bitch. the real clincher is that there *is* something legitimately and physically wrong with you during the attack, because you’re so anxious that it “feels like a heart attack”. and then it actually *is*. right before you calm down and everything is once again normal.

I love the smell of old books! Stick your nose in a 300 year old volume. Run your hands over the pages and feel the print. Can’t get the same feeling and emotion out of reading on an iPad. It’s soulless. It has no life. A book lives! You can feel its life!

I too appreciate old books. Yet, without electronic distribution, we would not see so much creative work, including Between Failures. So many comics, fictions, and other creative media would not be possible without the Internet to help reach those who appreciate it.

I do not disagree. I do use electronic media and have produced and updated, on a regular continuous basis, a web page for 20 years now. I could not have done this solely in the print medium without incurring horrendous expense. But to discover an volume several hundred years old made with fine rag paper and hand set type sets the mood for enjoyment. It is supple and organic not a hard cool plastic feel. The plus, too, is there are no batteries that need recharging. There is a place now for both.

Perhaps you’re both right (you & your doctor)…?
Prolonged anxiety might manifest as the physical discomforts that initiate the feedback-loop of MORE anxiety, which then produces MORE pronounced discomfort, etc.
Obviously, any suggestions I offer here are totally from the realm of “Grasping At Straws”, with all the (lack of) authority this implies. In my most stressful mindset, my “anti anxiety mantra” is something along the lines of:
— tightly clenching my fists, followed by strongly hyper-extending my splayed-open hands.
(not just a physical exercise, but also a symbolic reminder to “let go” of the stress that I’m clinging-to so tightly)
— mentally reviewing-&-renewing my commitment to deny these stressors control over my well-being & happiness.
(they only exist because I ALLOW them to. I’m determined to downgrade their importance to me, until they fade away entirely.)

None of this is a source of instant relief. It’s far more of a gradual progression towards improvement. Yes, at-times there is back-sliding, & yes, it’s easy to take such back-sliding personally, but to allow my stress to yank at my nerves like they were puppet-strings is to surrender far more control than is deserved. No-one (& no circumstance) is entitled to “puppeteer” me — except me.

Whatever your final “anti-anxiety” solution turns out to be, I hope for all the best for you.

Sooooooooooo Cute! I need a tall blonde bookwyrm in my apartment. I beseech the gods to deliver one to me!

Since you’re not against counseling, have you looked into online variants? I’ve found those significantly reduce both the hassle and cost, while still helping. One example would be https://www.talkspace.com/. If you haven’t already, I’d definitely suggest doing some research on these and checking if they might be a good fit for you.

Regarding Dragon’s Crown:
Yeah, the game is pretty fun, and good for short sessions (10-15 minute dungeons). Later in the game, you’ll unlock online multiplayer (which should have been available from the BEGINNING… but you know Japanese games), which will help the party-building greatly. (Not for me, though, because I’m stuck on Vita OFW 3.65 hoping someone will get a HEN exploit working for it.)

Oh no! Nina’s hair is beginning to blot out most of her face, just like Alex’s hair does!

Pretty soon- the whole cast will have all-over-hair, just like Chewbacca + his family!
Well…then Jackie can change the name of the comic, to:
Between Fuzzies. ;D

I like to think there is room for both physical print and electronic media too, although i prefer a real book to the other kind thats just my personal preference, i’m glad your getting a little better jackie, even if its slow, your heading in the right direction at last :)

Strange that you get the PS3 version just as the remastered version of the game is coming to the PS4. It’s a fun game either way. Another one I recommend is Odin Sphere Leifthrasir, also on the PS3, which should be cheap now.

“I love the smell of books in the morning…”

I was waiting for her to finish the quote with some kind of “they smell of …”

Good recuperation of your health!! Constant stress can be very tiresome for the body, though it’s important to get the cause right. Here is my story about stress: I had already tried two years of “positive thinking” as well as ignoring my condtion and just feeling healthy, when I was diagnosed with psychosomatic causes by various doctors, who wouldn’t know any possible reasons for my problem. It would make sense if there were things in the past or present which continuously made me uneasy and which I were not ready to face, maybe even irrational, buried deep. But I was mostly open to facing them. So in the line of counseling, I picked guided meditations and a good psychologist. The very first session she told me, that there was no sign of psychosomatic cause, and that other doctors should take my complaints seriously. The meditations were helpful psychologically, but had no observable physical effect. Turned out after some experimenting with foods that I could predictably manipulate my body condition to improve continuously, with improved breathing and much less stress, going from fear of dying from heart attack to a mild tension once a month to disappear soon. Turned out it was an ongoing infection not caught by the regular tests or medical books; not improved by unsuitable medicine prescribed; clearly in the domain of the specialists I saw, clearly something that did not come up in their training though. The doctors would rationalize it, as if this had been the assessment all along. Sad. The game changed for me when I had decided that I wouldn’t take the BS anymore and that physicians are exactly that, high-level manipulators of chemical-physical conditions based on routines (rather than, say magicians or wise people). It took me close monitoring of my body, and cycles, cautious experimentation, continuous trial and error (to recognize that what felt bad at first was a systematic improvement on repetition), reenforcement of what worked instantly, a mapping out of the condition over time, some reading up on medicine and cross-interrogations to squeeze out information, eliminate unlikely possibilities, and all the objective tests I could get for free without the opinions offered about them. Today, my physicians still have no clue, but a strongly recommended surgery from half a year ago (backed by two) turned into a too-benign-to-take-the-risk-of-a-surgery condition. I lost some faith, but regained self-esteem and precious health. … I wish you all the best.

Jackie, thnx for the stories about normal people, and the treat of looking forward to when you can get it drawn…I read (past tense) ravenously from 5 til a few years ago, when for some reason I stopped almost entirely except for a few ( literally 4 and no more) comics on my phone, and Louis Lamour westerns if I stay at my mom’s cabin, which isn’t often…anyway, the reason I’m commenting instead of just vicariously lurking is that I recently learned that chiropractice (?) was made up out of whole cloth in the days of the get rich quick miracle cures and fads, by a crazy con man…look it up yourself for sure, but you are demonstrably better of with a physical therapist or massage therapist if you can afford or get that thru insurance…seriously, especially keep their hands off your neck…! anyway, I hope you get all your health concerns under control “in as timely and easily a fashion as possible”…good morning or night wherever you are, and ffs I hope this doesn’t wake you from needed sleep…

Have you tried online counselling? I have fibromyalgia and between work and homelife and all the other doctors appointment i don’t want the hassel to have to go visit ANOTHER one just to talk about my feelings, especially not during the bad times which can leave me in the fetal position… But a friend recommended one and it is wonderful to be able to get help from the comforts of ones home. Here in Sweden at least there are some that are free of charge, don’t know how it is over there but some universities sometimes have them for free cheaper as trails for their students, or as a study. I would recommend looking in to it at least because sometimes talking helps release at least some of the anxiety.

Take care of yourself.

I have anxiety- or at least stress-related allergies, and they’re pretty bad. They’re especially bad because I can hardly do anything about the food allergy, believe it or not, my mind just can barely deal with the shopping and rarely with the preparation, and *that’s* probably stress-related too. I haven’t been commenting on health stuff on the archive comics, because I don’t want to bring up old problems again, but I just wanted to say you’re not alone. I’m going back to reading sweet restful comic now, thank you so much for making it!

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