1556 Sufferable.

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This scene was going to be slightly different, but I decided to alter it a bit more so as to open a door to other story possibilities with Kayla. Ages ago Jess was going to have a circle of friends that she was going to be the leader of, but as time went on it seemed more likely that she wouldn’t really have many, or any, real friends. I think the veneer of a person she puts on would alienate her from other people. People would like her, but not be close to her. She is somehow apart from other people. She’s always pulling people towards her, but then keeping them at arms length. She is on the cusp of changing… but not too much.

In the last few days I have been visited by misfortune thrice. I went to town with the teen and got pulled over on the way home. The stop wasn’t a problem. I lost a sticker from my tags. The problem was that the streets were still so full of heat from the day that I basically baked waiting for the officer to finish up. I nearly passed out, but held it together all the way home. When that happens it really hurts me. It takes at least a day to get back to more or less normal. Less than it has been, but still it really makes me feel broken. I had to go to the courthouse to get a replacement sticker, then went on to Walmart to get groceries. I stopped in gamestop and it was fairly hot, but I was okay until I went to Walmart. They don’t, possibly can’t, keep their stores cool anymore. So I again ended up nearly passing out. It took a full night and day to get over that. It really hurt more than before, maybe because it came on the heels of having it happen so soon after the time before. I couldn’t sleep that night because my body was spasming and trying to right itself. The day after that the power went out just before a big rainstorm. The house lost it’s cool in a matter of minutes since it’s basically a long open space. I keep my room closed off, so it held on to some of it’s lower temperature for a while, but eventually It too became too hot. I lay on the floor, in the dark, trying not to move around. I nearly retreated to the basement. I don’t like to go down there because the dust agitates my allergies so much I end up not being able to breathe, so it was either be to hot to breathe or cooler, but still unable to breathe. Luckily the rain and wind cooled the outside after sundown. I’ve had that broken feeling since then. Not so much that I can’t function, but it’s distracting, and makes it very hard to work efficiently.
So that’s where I’m at. I’ve been walking every night, which I can do as long as I don’t let myself overheat, and it doesn’t make my foot swell up usually. The veins are healing, although very slowly. Ideally I need to lose a lot of weight though. I’m trying to restrict my intake by at least half. I don’t really need a lot of food because I can’t really move around a huge amount. It’s mostly habit to eat three meals rather than any actual need anyway. I also don’t mind not eating anything but vegetables as long as they’re in a decent sauce. Although I’ll eat onion practically raw if left to my own devices… Anyway, that’s my status update for now. I’ve tried not to harp on about this stuff because it seemed like after I was in the hospital it was nothing but health talk all the time and I got sick of it. If I got sick of it I can only imagine that you all had heard quite enough as well.

Teen corner I’m gonna start this off by apologizing for not replying to comments from my post the other day. I appreciate the people that did leave me comments and thank you guys for trying to ease my anxiety about adult hood and help me understand it more. next time I will try to remember to reply to comments but my memory sucks so please forgive me if I forget. Jackie got me a monster high nintendo DS game which I recently remembered I had and for the past three days or so I have been playing it non-stop until my DS dies. I’m a little obsessed if we’re honest. you design your own monster and name them and then you run around monster high doing quests and interacting with the monster high students. I enjoy it more than I like to admit cause I mean how cool would It be to go to a monster filled school I mean really its awesome. so awesome i’ve been dreaming about it.I named my monster Jasline she is a ghost and floats around and she has blue hair. its great. yesterday I went and seen the knew ninja turtles movie which was pretty good. it was quiet amusing it was annoying though because someone had a baby that cried basically the entire movie. so that was unpleasant. befortem the movie I went out to eat with my friend and proceeded to have a mini meltdown and cry in public for no apparent reason really. the last few days I have been like this. randomly crying and feeling really replaced and just depressed. I’m not sure why it is accuring now but I am not liking it. I figured leaving the house would help but the second I did my mood became significantly worse. so now I can not decide if I’m safe to leave the house again or if I will end up in tears again. I have been expierencing a lot more self hate for myself than I normally do and I didn’t think it was possible but my confidence is even lower than before. I want to attempt to start working out a little each day and eat healthier and try to lose some weight but I donty think I will be happy with myself until I’m a size 2. its not very realist for me but I feel the need to be model skinny and even then I’m not sure it would be good enough.when I first moved to Colorado I’m was about 100 pounds lighter maybe and I still hated myself. I don’t know that it will ever change. oh and the guy I was crushing on and talking to is n ow dating one of my kinda sorta friends so thats nice. anyways enough depressing stuff I know I’m just a teen and I will eventually get over everything a be fine. and if anyone comments for me this time I will try to do my best to reply bye interweb peeps.

23 Comments

Jess “I might be able to suffer a little frustration.”
Kayla “Good, otherwise I’d have to use my Bambi eyes on you.”
Jess “Nice try, but if you’re going for weaponised cute, you should meet my friend Jo.”

You should try to lose the pounds together, it might be easier than alone. Or maybe not, I don’t know.

I get pretty much all of this post and normally don’t ask for cross-culture stuff. So, confused as f**k. I’m not from any of the supposedly USA, I think that by ‘tags’, you mean registration/licence plates. ‘stickers’ in this context? Parking permissions? Registered area access?
Not trying to be confrontational or offensive. Just a local social reference that does not translate instantly here.
Not understanding why an otherwise routine stop and check would result in the loss of permissions unless they were expired.

Our liscence plates have little dated stickers you have to apply to prove you’ve paid for them. You can prove it by showing your registration, but the stickers are a quick visual for the police. At least that’s my understanding.

DMV is called the tag office here. Lady that works there is a neighbor, mother of a guy I went to school with. We visit, gossip, and getting vehicle stuff done is almost an afterthought. We have no comprehension of how awful a visit to the DMV is for most people. It’s basically Mayberry, but the fishin hole is farther away.

Jackie,
If you like onion, squash, and portobello mushrooms, I’d suggest a meal my family does sometimes. We slice the onions, making spears out of the squash and strips out of the mushroom caps, baste them with salt, pepper, and oil or butter, then grill them. The mushrooms take on a sort of meaty texture when grilled, so you don’t notice the lack of meat in the meal. I’m sure you could use other veggies if you don’t like squash, and you could probably substitute the mushrooms if you don’t like those.

Teen,
Hang in there. It does get better. And you may start feeling better if you do start exercising more. I know I feel better when I do. Maybe you and Jackie can be each other’s motivation and you can walk together.

I think if one were to look at Professor Keene’s notes, they would say something along the lines of, “Two years, seven months and twenty-one days until I retire.”

Sorry to hear you got fried, baked boiled and steamed; that makes for a sucky weekend. Hope you’re doing better.

Connecticut has done away with the expiration stickers entirely. We don’t even need them for inspection, any more. The cop can just punch your registration into his laptop — supposedly, the newer cruisers are equipped with laser scanners that can read your plates from some distance, but that doesn’t help if they’re more than 5 or 6 years old — and get the info from the database.

Nice, so far; but the CT DMV has an awful computer system designed by 3M that does quirky things. Quirky, like suddenly telling your insurance carrier that your reg has expired when it hasn’t. Or randomly deciding your insurance is cancelled, when it isn’t (which cancels your reg). They automagically suspend your license and registration and tow your car, and it costs you hundreds or thousands of dollars to pay the $200 fine, then get your car back and re-insured.

FWIW, I was thinking about what the TEEN was writing.
Just my thoughts, I don’t know if this is medically true, or not, but- I used to obsess a lot about how my body/form looked.
In the 2006 film, Phat Girls, a doctor has this to say, to his curvy girlkfriend: [ paraphasing] “stop caring about how your body looks to other people. Everyone is going to get to age 16, and they are all pretty much going to look the way that they looked at 16, forever.”
I think there is a lot of wisdom in that idea.
I guess, unless people get REALLY involved in excercise + yoga, we are gonna look like, what we look like. : )
Full disclosure, I probably don’t eat enough, or get hydrated enough…..probably because I spend too much damn time on the stinkin’ internet sites. :D

The saddest thing is when people like Jess become teachers. At least Jess totally understands that teaching frustrates her. My dad had the same problem (and I’ve noticed it with a lot of teachers too), but probably would never figure out that that was the problem. He can’t see from other person’s point of view, so when he teaches, and the other person doesn’t understand it, he just gets frustrated instead of finding out how that person is working the problem in their own mind. Everyone’s mind works differently, and a great teacher can see as many angles as possible to get to as many different people as possible.

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