1259 The Goggles Do Nothing.

This started as a very small page. Essentially the middle bit was cut out, but it felt incomplete. I wanted to sell Carol’s bright outlook for her future more playfully. I’ve certainly illustrated her desires at various times, although more subtly than with other characters at times. We know she wants to be a mom, we know she wants to be a mom several times, and we know she looks forward to all the things that go along with that. Why she wants that stuff has only been touched on in passing. I’m sure some of you could make a good guess as to why she feels the way she does already though.

Some of it is just the basic genetic imperative that still exists in some women. In spite of the seemingly selfish nature exhibited on the internet, many people, men included, want to have kids in hopes of teaching them values that will help save humanity. They want to be good parents. It’s a worthier goal than is given credit to these days. Not that a person needs a medal for wanting to be a good parent. As they say, you’re not supposed to be lauded for doing something you’re supposed to be doing. Of course taking the time to recognize when someone does something well is also important. I guess you just need to pick the right time and keep the right scale.

Sometimes I hear people say things like “Why would you want to bring a child into a world like this?” Which strikes me as ridiculous. The point of life IS to bring life into the world. Failing that it’s to help life survive. If your choice is to lay down and die then I say get to it. You’re a waste of resources. Something else will come along and make something of whatever you leave behind. The universe is a dangerous place, and the world has always been brutal, but we’re slowly bending it to our will. I choose to contribute to the improvement in whatever way I can.

The Teen made me furious the other day. She’s been on an absolute tear since she’s been out of school and it finally became unbearable. I ticked over to being truly angry with her. Chest pulsing, white hot, fury. The end result was an angry drive home for me, a tearful one for her, and an awkward one for her friend Rainbow Dash. Today I am still boiling with rage just below the surface. It’s a miserable feeling. It’s taken years for me to learn to control my temper, but if I’m pushed constantly for a long enough time there is a point of no return. The problem then becomes the chemical change that takes place in my brain for ages afterward. I have to work my way back down to patience and balance, except once you knock down a dam it’s really hard to hold back the water while you rebuild. A lot of the time it gets redirected to places it shouldn’t go.

54 Comments

Aye, I know that feeling. Hard to come back from that, but you’ll get there. Best of luck to ya in the meantime lol

A welding mask is a must if you are going to stare at those twin suns.

I know the feeling……I have a nasty temper myself. I used to hit people for messing up on saying my name….And I have a strange name, so it got messed up a LOT. I managed to turn my anger to laughter…..Most people who meet me now do not even realize I have a temper. I have real good control….But I also have bad days. It takes a while to get back to normal. But my choice to laugh actually helps….Laughing releases happy feelings that tone down the anger. I have freaked a few of my friends out though….I have some creepy laughs….And some real EVIL laughs.

Sigh. Some people, in some moods, demand compassion… and then reject it or otherwise abuse the gift… and then blame you for not giving them enough. It can be really hard to say “No, it’s not my job to go to that extreme anymore” because … because. But until that point, their impossible demands can be really scary and (thus) enraging.

I’m talking about my experience, because I don’t know enough about yours. But if they’re at all parallel, and if my sympathy helps at all, you have it.

I’ve never heard of anyone revelling to quite this degree in her upcoming “yummy-mummy”ness (I am not fond of the term MILF) as Carol does here.

I hope you’ve been able to find some space and time to relax and calm down. There are few things that feel worse than being pissed on by someone you’ve been making sacrifices for.

Anger management issues are something I’m dealing with as well … my tendency is to hold things in until I can’t … I start yelling or breaking things … a couple of years ago that included putting a dent in the refrigerator and cracking at least one bone in my hand … and then storming off into the night for a few hours … being terrified I’m going to do something irrevocable and unforgivable is … sickening …

A possibly helpful link: http://www.apa.org/topics/anger/control.aspx?item=4

In particular, I’m finding some benefit from taking regular ‘breathers’ — short breaks where I focus on breathing. Doesn’t help much when I’ve already lost it, but I think my erruptions are a bit less intense and I definitely seem to be calming down faster afterwards …

I wish you success in finding strategies for dealing with the stressors in your life and your anger — you’ve had a lot of responsibility dumped in your lap, but you have been and can continue to handle it.

Please take care of yourself.

As a single dude I have no children of my own. When I was in my teens I helped raise my 2 youngest siblings (10+ Age gap) due to family circumstances that had my parents busy as heck. In a way they became my kids for a few years (imagine that for a teenage guy!). Many people see kids making a fuss, or sick, or whatever & say “Oh Heck no! Why would I want to put up with THAT! I have partying to do!” But what they don’t see are the times when your child finally learns something & how proud they are to show you. The unconditional love they have for you. The kind of trust that you hardly ever see once you get older & more jaded.

When things settled down & I got a job & moved out, my family moved back to Texas. I stayed here. I finally had free time, I had a job, a place of my own & could spend time with friends. Unfortunately I didn’t have much money to go home & visit & by the time I saw my youngest brother & sister again they had reached their teens. In a way, my children left & I never saw them again. It hurts to think about it.

As for having kids or not having kids, the future only belongs to those who show up for it. In the recorded & archeological history, human civilization has expanded & collapsed in a kind of bunny hop dance, 2 steps forward, 1 step back several times. But as long as there are children, there will be people to move forward.

Although, you must consider that there are people who truly can’t handle children. I can’t walk into a store and listen to a crying child without clenching my fist, and thinking of placing duct tape over their mouths. Also, there are plenty of orphans which people could adopt and nurture, instead of knocking someone up and ruining their sexy bodies.

However, there is a tiny part of me who pines for leaving some new blood in this reality to achieve something which I don’t get around to trying. I don’t know what happens after death, and there aren’t any publicized means to prolong life (i.e. cybernetics or vampirism), so reproduction is my only chance at establishing a legacy.

But first, I must create a legacy to uphold…

When a child is throwing a tantrum in a store or something, I’ll ask the (presumed) mother if she’s beating him with a rubber hose. She always says ,”No.”
Then I ask,”Do you need one?”

“A future where our daughter doesn’t even bring her boyfriend home!”

Their daughter will look just as good as the mother, given she receives the proper endowments. There’s also Thomas’s mother to consider, if anyone remembers the conversation between her and Carol on page 884 (“The Usual Thing”).

Having raised a couple children, I learned that the best way to deal with anger is to not let things get to that point in the first place. The policy in my family is that as soon as someone does something that annoys or upsets you, YOU have to make a decision: either you immediately deal with the behavior (or make an appointment to deal with it at a specific, more appropriate time) — before you get angry, OR you make a commitment that for the rest of your life you will NEVER bring it up. As you can well imagine, most people choose the first option.

Because as all us posters know, dealing with a situation when you’re angry invariably makes it worse. So deal with it before you get angry.

I am the kind of monster who despises children. The sound of a baby’s laughter grates on me. I help my mom with her adopted children, and my sister with her kids, but the thought of having my own repulses me. I hope you aren’t saying that people who choose to not have children, or can’t have children, are worthless.

I also believe you should adopt before reproduction, but I have seen the consequences of people getting knocked up and being completely worthless parents. And I do not feel bad judging them even though I am not a parent. I Am far to familiar with abandoned, abused, neglected children, simply because people don’t want to put the work in. I certainly don’t, which is another reason I don’t want to reproduce.

I accept that others would want to pass on their genetic material. I also think it’s selfish to have a baby before trying to adopt, but I also understand that is easier said than done, and I have some strong biases that could be clouding my thinking. After all, my province has a horrible social services department, and there is still an antique idea that “real women want kids”.

All in all, I think raising a person should be a privilege, not a right, and people shouldn’t be condemned for not wanting that.

You’re absolutely right, but you should also consider what you want to do in life, and if what you want to do would require people to maintain it in the future.

No one knows if the Twin Firmaments idea (Heaven/Hell) or reincarnation is real, and belief means nothing if all that awaits us in death is oblivion. Humanity might be compared to a virus or a race of parasitic insects on multiple occasions, but that doesn’t mean we have to lead such lives of destruction and communistic mediocrity. We can train ourselves to be better, for we have actual knowledge sources and sciences to validate the former. We can find something for which our specific traits help us to excel.

But most importantly, we can (and do) have people who can learn from our geniuses, artisans, merchants, and laborers…to have the virtues necessary to undertake the task of our species’ procreation and proliferation.

A lot of women do want kids. I think it’s a good thing if the people who do have kids want them in the first place.

Myself, I didn’t like kids a whole lot when I was a kid myself. Not having to put up with kids is still, to me, one of the privileges of adulthood. I did not expect that so many boomers would choose to have kids. I figured that when people had a choice about it, only about 1 in 5 would want to be parents.

As for passing on your genetic material, genes are not that specific to individuals. Your own combination of genes is unique, but the genes themselves are more widely distributed in the population. Except for spontaneous mutations, other individuals possess those genes, too. They aren’t lost when one individual fails to breed.

I don’t mean this as a criticism of people who willingly and happily take on the work of parenthood. They’re the right folks for the job.

Of course I could have totally overreacted to what you wrote and interpreted more extremely than you intended. And if so, I apologize. I also apologize if that essay I just wrote came off a bit harshly, and perhaps a bit judgemental. After a second read through, it certainly seems that way to me.

“The point of life IS to bring life into the world. Failing that it’s to help life survive. If your choice is to lay down and die then I say get to it. You’re a waste of resources. Something else will come along and make something of whatever you leave behind. The universe is a dangerous place, and the world has always been brutal, but we’re slowly bending it to our will. I choose to contribute to the improvement in whatever way I can.”

Brilliant.

I also like the comparison of anger to flood water.

Considering Carol’s genetic gifts I’m pretty sure Thomas’ head would explode if she ever became a mother.

Also, for anger-try reading something trivial and a bit juvenile. (Kind of sounds like some webcomics doesn’t it). I mean an actual book. Something that will require your attention, but little mental commitment beyond that. I know that if you’re hurting, a book can take your mind off of a moderate pain where TV and such can’t. Don’t know if it’ll work as well for emotional stuff, but I hope so.

Also, also- ever notice how some medications say to avoid excessive sun exposure, and tanning salons, but they don’t say anything about arc-welding? Big oversight, especially if you use goggles instead of a whole hood. Ever seen a red raccoon?

I can appreciate anger issues. When I was a kid I was picked on a lot because I was big and fat. However, I was BIG and fat ( 6′ tall when I was 12, which was unheard of in our town back then). Recess was hell when the jerk squad hazed me. The real problem was that I caught some of them some of the time. I’m not proud to say that I beat the living hell out of them when I caught them. The teachers never saw it, so far as I know, so I always had the reputation of the “good, smart kid.”

The problem escalated because I reasoned that they deserved the beatings, then I got to enjoy doing it. I began to look for excuses to hand out beat-downs, and then I became the bully. It took a long time to train myself out of reacting to anger physically. Help came in the form of the original Star Trek.

It may sound silly, but I absorbed the wit and wisdom of Mr. Spock and Captain Kirk. One of Kirk’s most profound quotes was referring to humans who dragged themselves out of savagery, “I will not kill . . . TODAY!” It worked for me, gradually. As the years passed, I could experience anger more clinically, like “Yep, that sure does make me angry” then it could pass through me. That may not make sense to you, but I can’t describe it any other way.

Now though, since my bad stroke (I know, never a good one) the resulting brain damage has sort of regressed me. I get angry very easily, and I can’t just let it pass through anymore, but because of my condition I at least can’t react to it physically.

I can’t really say that I agree with the term that those who don’t want children to be a waste of resources. Some people choose not to have children for some very good reasons. Besides, not having children doesn’t mean that the person sits around and collects welfare cheques all day. Some of these people are good, hard workers who contribute to society well, which leads me to my partial disagreement with the term that those who do the work that they do shouldn’t be lauded for it. It’s one thing if your job requires you to sit behind a desk and push a pencil or keys on a keyboard, it’s another thing if you’re out in the open and putting your life on the line to help regular folks like us.

So you didn’t read what I said, I take it? Because you’re arguing a point I didn’t make.

…wasn’t the point of your column to show the difficulties and the rewards of child bearing?

The ultimate point is to be useful to life regardless of whether you choose to have children or not.

@Jackie: Exactly.

Some of us don’t choose to have children or CAN’T have children, yet we still function as parental figures or leaders in a way that we hope will leave the world a better place than we entered it.

Like so many of the commentators here, I have some anger issues as well, so I can relate. However, maybe it wasn’t the worst thing in the world for The Teen to experience some of your annoyance at her. Unless I’m reading your blog posts entirely wrong, it seems pretty obvious that you care about her and have her best interests at heart. And sometimes getting really angry at someone over something they’ve done or how they’ve acted CAN show them how much you care about them.

I actually asked my partner about good female-positive video games for teenagers, and he recommended the most recent “Tomb Raider” game in which Lara Croft no longer has physically-impossible “attributes.” ;) He says it is kind of violent and gritty on a PG-13 type of level but that he’ll let me know if he can think of any other recommendations, which I’ll be sure to pass along. :) In terms of movies, I’d recommend almost anything by Tim Burton; in almost all of his films I can bring to mind, he has really strong, sympathetic female characters. He has worked with Denise DeNovi (sp?) for much of his career and that could be her influence as well.

Best,
Jaime
:)

My comment was deleted? Really?

If there were any active links the system is set to auto remove comments, there’s also a few banned words people don’t expect, and possibly just making me angry. I don’t recognize your username so it was probably one of the first two.

Also, now that I think about it, some users place their comments in the wrong area and they end up in the secondary blog instead of on the post they were meant to be with.

It could have been making you angry, as it was about angryness and a bit metaphysical. Also you not remembering would go with it, in spirit. But I doubt it, thanks for the explanation, must be one of those other ways.

It could have been making you angry, as it was about angryness and a bit metaphysical. Also you not remembering would go with it, in spirit. But I doubt it, thanks for the explanation, must be one of those other ways.

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