In manga when a flashback starts the visual shorthand is usually yo make the guttering black. Guttering in comics is the space between panels. I’ve always presented my guttering as filled in black, so I briefly considered making it white, or doing traditional panel borders. Ultimately I didn’t like the look of it, so I just did what I normally do plus a little transparent Thomas. I’ve often ignored cartooning guidelines when making my own work, likely to my own detriment, but doing things my own way is a lot of why I do this at all. So I guess it is, as they say, what it is. I also almost presented these images in a more hazy, incomplete, way; so as to mimic how I see memories in my own mind. I decided to skip that for the sake of visual appeal and clarity. When I was young the images I would see in my head as memories were very vivid. As I have aged they have softened quite a bit. I can usually only hold a clear image in my mind for a few seconds now, and they tend to be moments that I call “save points”. Which are memories I have in a moment when I suddenly become aware of reality in an abnormal, hyper aware way. These are usually the kinds of memories that come, unbidden, randomly throughout a day. This is sort of what I’m trying to present here. My memories used to be consistently in the third person, as though I was watching myself, but in recent years they have shifted to being from the actual perspective I experienced them in. I decided to do that with this series of pages, rather than having Thomas in the scene. This is more of a cinematic presentation than what would happen as Thomas experiences it since as soon as he saw Rulette he would begin having flashes of memories about here, much like I do when I see familiar faces, things, or what have you. From the moment she spoke to him he would have been remembering the things that triggered him in the first place and made him react with mild hostility. Trying to present that experience in a work like this would be very strange, and far too complex.
I’ve never really thought about how each of the cast members experience sentience. I’ve always just written them as though they all have internal monologue, memory recall, and whatnot, that I do. In some ways I’ve always assumed that the kind of people I get along with experience life in more or less the same way I do, which must contribute to why we get along at all. That said, I don’t think I’ve ever asked any of my friends the specific questions required to find out for sure. It’s possible that some of them have no internal monologue, can’t bring up images of the past into their mind’s eye, or have no visual imagination at all. I don’t even have the same brain I had when I was young either. I’m not sure if I would have survived if I hadn’t learned to alter how I experience life. A lot of the time in my youth it was all nearly too much. It’s just barely less than that now. Quieting the noise has always been a struggle, but survival depends on it. At the same time everything that is what I am is what also makes me able to do what I’m doing, so I don’t want to be completely different either.
I know that my mother and I have very similar brain functions because she has said as much when I’ve tried to explain things to her. Maybe that’s why I’ve always gotten along with her so well. She understands the traumatic experience that is having this kind of brain. It’s certainly very different from my father’s. Although over these many years I think he’s come to understand the struggle of being how I am more than most people, and he also appreciates the positives that come with it, because it’s certainly not all negatives. In any case I’ve had enough of explaining myself for now, and it’s past time to post.

I hope you have a nice Wednesday and will see you again on Friday if fate so wills it. Until then, master a retro game.

3028 The Speed Of Memory.

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