I think that logically Thomas would know that Carol isn’t going to spring having a random kid on him like that. In the moment however her sincerity made him question things. On some level Thomas doesn’t believe that anyone would love him enough to commit to the degree that Carol has. That’s just the irrational part of his mind that traps him in his normal mode of thinking. At the same time it’s not like things can’t change and she could get tired of him. In his head he’s always running scenarios, and future possibilities, based more on his insecurity that reality. His success rate comes from understanding human nature and unintentionally pushing things to go the way he expects in a self sabotaging way. I’m not sure how much of that part of him comes through in the actual pages because to me it seems very obvious, but I live in that kind of a mind all the time. To someone else I’m not sure if it actually reads like that. I’ve never used inner monologue very much because in order to correctly present what it’s like in Thomas’s head it would require so much relentless text. I’ve tried to present it in a subtle way via his words and actions. Of all the characters he’s done the most narration though and had the most inner thoughts presented. I’ve never fully opened that door though. Maybe sometime in the future I’ll let people peek in. I’m not exactly sure how to present it because rom my own experience it’s extremely off putting to others. One of the reasons I’ve never had to worry much about parasocial relationships with my own audience or stalking is because my personality is so relentless that the handful of people who have developed those tendencies start pumping the brakes really hard once they get a taste of pure me, which is of course what Thomas’s personality is founded on. He’s not really an idealized version of myself because he is extremely flawed, but he’s still so much more endurable than I actually am.
Those of you who’ve been here a long time will realize that Reggie is a lot closer to the little goblin that I actually am. Quite a lot of unearned confidence and arrogance while somehow also having very little courage. If you mish mashed Thomas, Ed, and Reggie together you’d basically end up with a complete me. A lot of the good parts of myself were given to the girls. In many ways this whole affair is just me talking to the many versions of myself that live in my brain. While somehow also existing a a cohesion of all of them.

Anyway, this will be the page for Xmas eve so happy Xmas to those of you who also celebrate it. Be careful out there if you are traveling. For those of you who don’t celebrate I wish you well in spite of our differing beliefs. I hope you will do me the same courtesy. On Friday I will return, if the fates allow, with more adventures of made up people. Until then, love and joy come to you.

2925 Just Checking.

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