My first experience with getting jumpscared by death was in 1994. My uncle was killed in a car accident. That was 32 years ago and I still think about him regularly. Maybe it’s just something in my genetics, or maybe my family is prone to holding on to that sort of thing. I don’t know. My mother archives family history in a way that could probably be called obsessive. She is something of a genealogist and historian though, so it makes sense really. I tend to take after her, so maybe that’s part of it. I used to think that we were unique in that way because I never really encountered anyone who seemed to ruminate the way we tend to, but a friend of mine lost a brother to a senseless act of violence over a decade ago and he often posts about it even now. I’ve never really spoken to him about it because in person I sort of play a character of myself and I’m not sure I’ve ever been anything but that in his presence. I suspect that he understands that since I’ve been online as long as he has and also tend to overshare, or at least don’t hide my real feelings all that much. At least I did before the internet became vicious. In my head there’s a part of me that thinks he should have gotten over it, but another part that thinks why would he ever. The reality is that he gets by every day the same way I do and when he’s alone in front of a keyboard he shares. Much like I do. The many warring personalities in me come to the realization of his experience at different rates of speed and sometimes over and over. In the chambers of my brain anyway it seems like there are parts that have access to my full suite of emotional intelligence and other parts that just make me capable of being around other humans without having to fight with my emotions at all times. Sometimes it seems like those parts don’t communicate. Sometimes it feels like I’m perpetually trying to remind part of my brain to remember to have empathy while also having almost crippling levels of empathy to overcome. There are probably many people like me, but I never notice since they are also actively trying to hide their emotional reactions to everything all the time too.
Alex is something like ten years distant from her sister’s death, but it obviously colors her actions even now. To one degree or another that would hold true for Evrina, Nina, Maddison, Alex’s mother, and probably other characters who haven’t ever specifically mentioned their connection to Alex’s family. In some ways the entire town would be affected to one degree or another. I dunno, I kind of lost the thread of where I was going with this when I started. I’ve had a headache since I got up and it keeps derailing my train of thought.

I had a pinched nerve in my side that was making feel like I needed to puke all day too. I had to convince my body that it was fine in order to eat anything. The whole situation screwed up my plan for the day. I really wanted to get ahead on comic pages since so much stuff is happening, but there’s a level of headache that is too disruptive for even me to work through. I have managed it a few times over the years, but every so often I have one that is almost crippling. They are extremely rare these days mercifully.

I have to go to the health fair early tomorrow to get in on the cheap bloodwork. That’s part of why I wanted to get ahead if I could. I’ve been going to bed really early recently so it works out well if I can go to sleep as 8 and then get up for the bloodwork without having to be awake for the fasting. I will wake up way before that though. I know I’ve said it before but the fasting doesn’t really bother me. I regularly fast for entire days without thinking about it, but when I’m being forced not to do something then that’s the only thing I want to do. The degree to which I hate being told what to do is really ridiculous. I’ve wanted to go back to bed basically from the moment I woke up today so I’ll probably be wide awake when I want to sleep since that’s how shit always goes it seems like, but maybe I’ll be lucky and I won’t be a hostage of my brain this time. Getting 25$ bloodwork versus $600 is way too good a deal to pass up. Since my insurance will soon be fucked beyond all reason I better enjoy whatever health care I can get.

I better not go any farther down that path or I’m likely to get a bit too animated for the comments.

Anyway, I need to go to the store after the bloodwork tomorrow. So that will make it harder to get ahead of the page for Friday. I guess I’ll just see how I’m feeling and do as much as I can in advance. If nothing else at least I got to take a sick day and not have to worry all day about trying to make this page. There were so many words I didn’t want my spellcheckers to have to rush through it like I usually make them do via my being late. All that aside, I hope to see you on Friday. Until then, please remember the various support links scattered around the page, and stay safe until we meet again.

2930 Life Is For The Living.

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