1550 Science Guy.


I have written and put off so many story lines that start with Jess because they’re too complex for me to draw. I wanted this scene so bad that I managed it, even though it’s nothing like I imagined it. She appears in the first story and is seemingly not that important at first, but I wanted to introduce her because she was meant to be a key figure in how things work. I’ve always had to pull back though. There was one nearly completed story with her and Reggie that I finally gave up on because I never improved artistically fast enough to be able to consistently draw a restaurant. Of course I keep the notes, but some of those things really can’t ever be used at this point.
I almost scrapped the furry arc because I didn’t think I could convincingly portray a library. Honestly I don’t think I did, but that story needed to happen to set up other things and I couldn’t figure out a way to work it in to something else. There are so many settings I want to use but I always have to make due with what I have and can sort of make work. I’ve studied perspective and all that. Watched more tutorials than any person should be subjected to, but still never managed to come away with much. It always looks weird when I try to draw complex scenes. I’m just seeing what I can get away with here because I want Jess to have her backstory. She seems like she just bounces in and out of everyone’s lives like a magical creature when, in reality, she has an entire life of her own that she doesn’t really share with anyone. Even her brother wonders how she finds time to go to her classes. Jess is one of those people who always seem to have energy. Like she’s powered by something beyond what other people are. I know a few people like that and have never understood how they function. Even when I was young, and in relatively good health, I was always sad, or tired, or angry, and couldn’t focus, or get things done the way I wanted. Everything was a struggle and people like Jess made it look like life was so easy and the one with the problem was me. Honestly I think there’s more truth to that than I fully grasp. Some people are just better at life and that’s the way of things.
I can sit in my room and hammer away at a page for hours and never make anything as good as other people fart out in 15 minutes. I don’t have whatever it is that makes them more capable. And before you trot out that you can do anything you want to with enough hard work let me hold you back for a sec. Yeah, maybe you can, but it still may not equal out in terms of time spent compared to someone else. You can try harder than the best person in your field and still fail because you lack whatever it is that allows them to breeze through their work on a comparative level.
Jeph Jaques puts out 5 pages a week failry consitantly, and has done for more years than I have. I always sort of thought that eventually I would get to that point, but I don’t think I ever will now. I do two pages less a week and still feel like I’m treading water almost every day. Even at my peak efficiency I couldn’t pull off two more pages. I don’t know why. For some reason this is just harder for me.
To put it in to the nerdiest of terms, I feel like Krillin from Dragon Ball. He tries to keep up with Goku for a really long time, but eventually he just accepts that Goku is a monster and will always be so much better than him that there’s no point it trying to surpass him. They remain friends, but Krillin isn’t his rival in any way. On some level almost all the human cast members eventually accept that Goku is impossible to surpass. The only one who doesn’t is Vegeta because of who he is, but also because he knows he is, genetically, supposedly, superior.
I don’t know what my limits are for sure. I feel I hope I haven’t reached them. I hope I can eventually become healthy enough again to get back to where I was 3 years ago, but I don’t know if that’s realistic. All I can do is my best and hope that I’m not actually Yamcha this whole time.