2016-06-24-BFP1555-onesmartfellow


1555 One Smart Fellow.

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I worked in a comic shop for a few years, and a game store, so I’m familiar with the variety of odors nerds come in. Of course now that nerdy things are mainstream the smelly nerd is not so common as it once was. Now everyone likes superheroes and video games.

I haven’t been in a real comic shop in at least a decade and a half. Even the one I worked in was barely what would rightly be considered a comic shop for most of its existence. The town simply wouldn’t support it and it slowly evolved into a junk shop. Once everyone realized that they weren’t going to get rich selling 3 variant Spawn first issues that 15,000,000 people also had they gave up on the dream. Only the most dedicated readers were left, and half of them never had money for their pull list. It was a dismal place, always going out of business, with a toxic atmosphere. For a while there were Magic The Gathering competitions, but those eventually died off as well. As the company changed its focus on rare cards the players lost interest, not wanting to evolve with the game. I used to have some pins that you got for winning tournaments, but I don’t know what happened to them anymore. In the case of both comics, and card games, there came a point where things changed in a way that made them no fun anymore.
With comics it was a Marvel story called Zero Tolerance. I’ve talked about it before. It ended so poorly it made me not want to read American comics anymore. I never read a lot of DC and they had been floundering for a while around the time of The Long Halloween, so it was easy to just walk away. With magic there was a group of players that wanted to play with the new professional rules instead of the no rules version we played. Since so many cards were banned it ended up driving off everyone until it was just those few guys, and they stopped coming eventually when no one would play with them.
I got job at a real store after that, and never had time to go back after that. I sold my cards to the brother of a friend, and a man who is dead now. I hear they sold off the better cards in little increments, but what happened to the stacks of commons I have no idea. I thought I had kept a couple of decks, but if I did I lost them someplace. I honestly cant remember because it wasn’t important to me at the time. Although I can remember the general build of my favorite red deck.
I was unhappy. The girl I loved had left me and I was just going through the motions of life because I didn’t know what else to do. I lived like that for years. The only good to come of that time was probably passing on some of my weird wisdom to friends. I hear echoes of it sometimes when they talk. Little bits of how you keep living when you don’t really want to anymore. I was angry in a defeated way, and no one really knew how to help me. I’m not sure I could have been helped. It was just a trial I had to live through. In some ways I think I’m still living part of that trial.
I’m not exactly sure what I’m supposed to do to achieve my goals anymore. Now I just kind of do things with a vague sense of trying to help people via my weird, pointless, stories. I know they help, because people tell me they do. That seems like a good enough goal. Just trying to make things suck less for as many people as I can, even if I can’t do the same thing for myself.

Anyway, I finally finished my anthology pages so maybe I’ll stop feeling so rushed all the time and can get some more of that patreon sketch backlog finished. I’ll keep you posted on the status of that collection in case you’re interested, when I have more information.

Teen Corner
today was a not so interesting day but ill blog about it anyways because I feel all the feels and I need to get rid of them. so we went to Walmart and I got my hair trimmed boring I know. the weird guy from game stop checked my out again. but I mean can you blame him? I’m super hot. just kidding I don’t believe that at all. I got to drive for an hour or so and that sent my anxiety through the roof. driving is terrifying to me it is more responsibility than I am comfortable with. I am so scared that I am going to mess up and hit someone and hurt them or hurt any one including myself. I am not comfortable driving over 35 mph because then I feel like I am going to wreck and I freak out and forget what I should be focusing on. so yeah there is that. as I mentioned I am newly single and there is this guy I like. I hung out with him last night and we watched a movie and talked and it was fun but I don’t think he likes me because well I’m me. I freak out about every little thing and I’m clingy. I debated whether or not to text him all day and finally gave in and texted him first around 6 and then I spent the entired time thinking I was annoying him. as you can tell I’m great at relationships (sarcasm) I am always afraid of messing up and not being pretty enough or good enough. typical teen things that I’m sure you’re already tired of hearing about. besides freaking out about driving and boys I’m still overthinking every little thing about adulting. I HAVE NO IDEA HOPW TO ADULT HELP ME. the faster my summer goes by the more anxious and freaked out i get about my senior year. I’m going to be 18 in three months and i don’t wanna. i wish i could go back to kindergarten and do everything over and spend less time trying to grow up and more time being a kid. honestly I just keep looking back thinking about how stupid i was for wanting to grow up. me and Jackie go to Walmart and he looks at legos cause he is obsessed obviously and I just look at all the little girl toys and realized everything i missed out on and now I spend the last of my teen hood freaking out about adult things i don’t understand and regretting every decision I’ve ever made. smart right? I have been super bitchy lately I’m sure Jackie would agree and i think its just because every minute I’m thinking about everything in the world examples. how does one know what insurance to get? how does one use credit card? what are bills? how was the world created?? WHY AM I LIKE THIS??? and the list continues. I feel very stressed out for no reason basically and I want to talk about it but i hate going to people to talk about things typing seems to come easier to me especially since I don’t know really anyone that reads this. I feel anxious, scared, depressed and tired and i can feel my summer slipping away as I waste it watching Netflix and I’m like i know i should do important things but i cant think of anything to do besides clean and organize randomly and at the same time i just want to climb into bed and never leave my room again. will my entire life be like this? IS THIS ADULTING? signed frustrated, anxious teen.