As I mentioned before, the Teen’s brother gave me his janky PS3, which would no longer recognize discs of any kind. I ascertained that the laser had gone bad and ordered a replacement, which was strangely cheap and easy to find. I only did this because I looked up a repair guide that made the whole process seem very simple. It was, relatively speaking. I started by taking the casing off and removing the disc reader. Quite simple. Then I started the process of actually replacing the laser. NOT AS SIMPLE. The laser sits on two bars that it can slide up and down on. They’re firmly held in place but you have to slide them out to actually switch out the eye. It’s tricky to say the least. I fiddled with it for a very long time. Eventually I got everything put back together. (Although I had 4 screws left over… Lord knows where the fucking things are meant to go. I find that a lot of screws are superfluous to the proper functioning of things. They’re more for added stability than anything else it seems like.) I turned the thing on and it spat out the disc. Then it took it, but wouldn’t read… So I took off the casing and fiddled again. I cleaned the laser, just to be sure, made sure the connectors were good and tight, and turned it on with the casing off. I wanted to see if I could view anything going wrong in particular. I handed it a disc and, after a bit of thinking, the PS3 started reading it. I tested it with every kind of disc and it seems to be perfectly fine now.
I also cleaned out the rest of the system a bit before starting the repairs. I have to say, I’ve heard a lot of horror stories about PS3s failing for no real reason, but this thing is a testament to sturdy design. When I blew the dust out it was like the sandstorm scene from The Mummy. Giant dusts heads trying to eat my all over the place. It was bad. There’s no wonder the thing runs so hot. I assume it must have a fan, but I don’t think it works anymore. I may crack it open again and try to see if that can be replaced. In addition to all of this I managed to get the thing open without ruining the void sticker. It had been through so much the adhesive had failed so it just peeled off in a solid piece. I could just stick it back on if I had a mind to sell it. I don’t, but still. No one in their right mind would pay a decent amount for this thing anyway, but it will hobble along for long enough for me to get the Teen to college, I bet. Maybe I can play The Last Of Us, or something. I ignored PS3 exclusives for so long I actually don’t know what all there are.
Had a bit of a scare today while watching youtube videos about comic character origins. I got one of those extortion bugs that tries to lock your computer until you pay the hackers. I guess I had some good will built up in the karma department because after a few tries my system managed to reboot itself in a way that allowed me to cleanse it. I was having a pretty good freakout before the time it actually worked though. The coming week’s pages weren’t backed up to the external drives yet, and I didn’t want to try and explain yet another massive fail to you guys. I mean it’s only a matter of time. No system works indefinitely. A crash is coming, but I am not in a place where I feel like I can handle it right now. This last year or so was a bit much, and is still kind of wearing on me. I mean I’m actually having trouble keeping my temper in check. That hasn’t been an issue for me in ages.
I just want things to be cool. I want to be able to do the stuff I wanted to do two years ago, and get the recognition I should have gotten before the last website crash. The day I had that guest strip on Questionable Content should have been the beginning of me leveling up, and it was basically wasted on another series of failures. The only good thing about it was that it moved Hiveworks to actually offer me a place in their group. That was at least a silver lining. I know that some of the people over there have been dissatisfied with some things, but… I dunno, I guess I struggled for so long I have a different set of expectations. Hosting and tech support that doesn’t cost me all my profits is a pretty good deal. Maybe when you’re super skilled at art already you just expect a lot more without having to put the hours in, or something. Regardless, my plans were set back yet again and I’ve been scrambling to make up that time ever since. Anyway, I’m just typing to work things out in my own head more than anything else at this point. The threat of possibly having to have my computer repaired got me keyed up. Before all of that I was really pleased that I got all my goals accomplished on schedule, or was in the process of it…
I had a dream about being in school again. I’m not even sure what level of school it was. It was like one of those first day of school dreams, with a lot of implied backstory. It was just a series of things not going well and it culminated in an ex girlfriend laughing at me falling backwards into some potted plants. There was an air of “this is all you amounted to?” in her eyes. It was the girl who Dawn aka Constance is loosely based on. She was never really that mean though, although with me she certainly has the right to be. I woke up after that moment and just though “Let it go already, mate…”
Ironically this dream comes after me having a talk with the Ten about the cutoff period for having feelings for your first “true love”. I gave her about 3 years before moving on, but even as I said it I knew I was lying. I’m not sure if you ever get over the person who teaches you what real love feels like. Or at least what you end up perceiving it as. I just gave her a number because I know, through the prism of experience, that it would be better if she could just let go.
For my part, you’re reading this because I’m still learning to let go. You people, the ones who actually read these posts, are the ones who are with me the most. My treasures. Something in you resonates with something in me and in some way my mistakes are given purpose. They aren’t just my pile of regrets anymore. They’re a silver lining.