No need to read this. It’s not comic related. Patreon is, however, related if you’d like to support the comic. Links, as always, above.

Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

My internal chronometer is so ruined right now that I’m just kinda sleeping whenever I can and working when I’m not sleeping. Which is why this page is going up at just shy of 6 AM on Friday. I keep letting out little bits of extreme grief to, I guess, process this new version of reality. It’s not all that different than when either of my uncles passed. The repetitious stages of grief.
Watching my grandmother’s possessions get slowly carted away, knowing the house will be sold & that part of my life is over too is just a lot to deal with. Over the years I’ve tried to learn not to be sentimental about things. When I was little I couldn’t let go of birthday cards and stuff because I knew someday my grandparents would be gone & I would want something to have. A physical reminder of things. I didn’t throw away those cards until I was in my 20s & now I’m feeling like I made a terrible mistake. Then again, when I’m gone they’ll just be bits of paper, that no one else will have any connection to, that will just get thrown away anyway.
My grandparents lived in that house for all of my almost 46 years. I remember what it used to look like. Sleeping in the tiny room that used to be half of the living room on Christmas. How weird it was when they took out the wall and made the two rooms into one, but left part of the wall running across the room. Grandpa’s room used to be Jason’s bedroom, the upstairs used to be Mom & Jon’s rooms. I guess maybe Jon shared the bedroom with Jack. I was, like birth to 3 or so, so these memories are fuzzy.
The last time I saw Jon alive he was in the kitchen talking to mom. Trying to explain that he didn’t know how to get control of his life, except not being able to say it how he wanted, so he just rambled…
Christmases when it was Sara & I, then Alisha, Crissy, Lorena, Michael, Jake, Morgan, Jessica…
The bells that let us know it was officially Christmas.
Years without Jason, without Jon…
Fraggle Rock on the gigantic monolith of a television.
Staying an extra day because I cried so much Grandma & mom couldn’t bear to make me leave.
Tears upon tears.

Posts authored by Jackie

2402 Handy Dandy.