One of the problems with having a staggered release schedule is that scenes that play better when read all at once lose some of their impact when released over the course of a few days, or even weeks. This entire interaction flows better when it’s read all in a row. It’s not even finished at this point, but this page is the emotional high point where Jess recalls the beginning of her relationship with Brooksie in the context of her relationship with Evrina. This is probably the longest Jess has ever been shown being who she really is at her core; a very smart person who struggles when she feels deeply connected to someone. She’s unable to get out of her own way, and has a hard time reading the other party. There have been a few times when Jess was unable to read Jo properly and Jo had to gently scold her. On top of that Evrina shift gears quickly, misunderstands, and is also confused about what she wants. She’s a much more instinctual creature than Jess and is much more likely to seemingly exhibit anger, when really aggression is more like her baseline. So they’re struggling to get to the same place, and one might wonder why they want to in the first place, and I would say that even the remnants of love can draw you to someone who you feel has wronged you. They have a kind of resonance that is different from Jess and Jo, but it’s no less valid. There’s layers and layers of baggage these two are lugging along with them that makes things hard to leave cut and dried.
Jess does a lot of things based on what she thinks the actions of the other people will be. It’s a mode of thinking that all humans fall prey to, but especially smart ones. They become so used to getting to a conclusion faster than everyone else that they forget to actually give other people a choice. On some level it stems from a desire to maintain control. Of all the characters Jess and Thomas exhibit this behavior the most. It’s probably part of why Jess likes Thomas, because she senses he is like her and she loves herself, while Thomas also senses it in Jess but it is unattractive because he hates himself. It also makes Jo somewhat incorrect when apprising why Jess doesn’t like John. Jess doesn’t like the person she pretends to be and that’s what John reminds her of. Even though on some level that’s an unfair appraisal too.
This entire argument is very much an echo of several arguments I had with various partners over the years. Not so much in content, but in flow and tone. The entire time I’ve been making it I’ve accidentally called on things I really try not to think about anymore. It’s not as true now as it was 20 years ago, but I certainly had an almost psychotic need to be correct. Not right. Correct. It’s a trait Jess has, although I think I dialed it back in her a lot more than it existed in me.
Evrina is more like Reggie. Confident in herself to the point that she almost never gives thought to how her actions affect others. Which may well be why they didn’t get along. Much like how identical poles of a magnet will repel they push away from each other. That’s not to say that they can’t become friends. people aren’t magnets. It’s just that there’s an impediment. I’ve shown at least once that Jess likes confidence. In spite of her timid nature Jo boldly made the first real move in their relationship. It’s not hard to imagine Evrina slapping Jess on the ass and telling her she looks good in her jeans. While some people would bristle, Jess would probably ask for seconds. These two clearly left an impression on each other, and now they have to deal with that in spite of previously having to expectation of ever seeing each other again.
Sometimes you open a door and find your past looking back at you in a situation that seems so coincidental that it strains credulity. It has happened to me so often at this point that coincidences seem more like a feature than a bug. Sometimes you meet a new friend online only to find out that they’ve been best friends with an ex of yours almost since the time you broke up with them. I’ve always tried to maintain that life has no inherent narrative structure, but sometimes…

Anyway, it is what it is and you can choose to believe that what I write is possible, or not. If more successful people can be popular while maintaining that a dumpy college student can be a superhero, or a robot can be gay, I’m barely even rocking the boat with “sometimes people have strange arguments.” I’ve lived that, but I’ve never met a gay robot. That I know of. Although I would like to. Honestly the robot’s sexuality really isn’t important. I’d just like to have a robot as a friend.

Putting all that aside, allow me to remind you that you can support my work via the links above, or around, the page in various places. That would be nice. You could also probably hinder my work if you wanted to as well, but that would be not nice. Be nice. I have enough struggles already, thank you. If you want my work to continue I hope to see you on Wednesday. If not, I hope you fare well wherever you fare in spite of that.

Posts authored by Jackie

2792 Like Tears In the Rain.