2017-01-27-BF1647-sleeptight


1647 Sleep Tight.

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Wordless comics are hard to do if your artistic skill isn’t up to the task. This isn’t the cinematic vision I had, but I think it gets the point across.

I slept so poorly last night. For some reason I just kept waking up then not being able to get comfortable again for a long time. I really need to get to some more patreon sketches, but If I try at this point they’re just going to be garbage. It’s hard to convince myself to sleep when I would rather work. At the same time I sleep so much better if I don’t have tasks waiting to be done. That’s always been a problem for me. Back when I was in retail I didn’t really sleep well unless I had two days off in a row. I could sleep without worry for the first night and recharge enough to go back to work on better ternms. Of course sometimes it was weeks before I’d have two days off in a row.
I’ve never been good at sleeping in general, and it’s only gotten worse with age. Being alone, in the dark, with nothing but the voice in my head is terrible. That voice does not have our best interests at heart. It always wants to talk about things that disturb me. My coping mechanism has always been shows with calm talking. Before the advent of the ipod it was cassettes of recorded stuff, TV once I had my own area to have a tv to myself, talk radio, and so on. It didn’t work nearly as well as having an ipod full of podcasts, and now Netflix, or youtube, or whatever really. As long as I have a little electricity at my disposal I can drown out that horrible voice and sneak my way to sleep.
It’s kind of strange because when I was young that internal monologue was constant and didn’t bother me. I used to mull over deep philosophical problems all the time and the answers I came to didn’t scare me, but now I can’t even entertain some trains of thought. Actually I guess it was okay when I was young because I had a sense that I was somehow special and the rules of the universe didn’t apply to me the way they seem to for everyone else. There was a certain level of magical thinking prevalent in my family that I had no reason to question and in that ignorance I was safe and happy. I guess I answered my own questions here…

I’ve been trying to switch providers for my cpap machine and I won’t go in to detail, but the people I’m with now are total idiots. I kind of feel like I should report them to somebody but I don’[t know who that would be. I’ll be happy once I’ve seen the back of them. They’re so shady that I’m probably going to have to bring someone to witness the transfer of stuff for me in case I have to take them to court or something. I’m certainly going to document the entire affair on my phone. I don’t trust them any further than I could comfortably spit a rat.