1509 The Special Relationship.


I’ve had more than one version of this conversation in real life. Why it came up so often is a mystery, but i’m guessing that the having or not having of boobs you want has a strong effect on women in our culture. The more common version is they wanted bigger boobs, but never got them. second to that is they got them but didn’t want them. From there it mutates into varying levels of not having the imagined perfect amount of boob. The long and short of this is I can only think of one woman I’ve known who was truly pleased with her breasts. Even then I doubt it was something that always felt like a positive. I may have just encountered her on a confident day. Then again she was one of the most confident women I’ve ever known, so i’m only questioning it based on my knowledge of human nature.

For me, as far as women go, their body is not so important as our chemistry. I have standards for beauty, but they change to fit whoever I’m attracted to. A recent example is Rachel Riley on countdown. She does not fit my general standard for physical attraction, but as soon as she starts doing sums like a genius I’m all in. I don’t like math particularly, but when she explains math things it’s like audio catnip. That’s all part of the complex hierarchy of attraction in me. I’ve known people who pair up simply on physical attraction, and it always seems like a disaster. We don’t stay one way outside our whole lives, so once they start not fitting into the standard of physical attraction the relationship gets sour. I worked with a guy who had an enchanting wife, but she started to gain a little weight and he almost instantly went off her. Never stopped criticizing her about it, and it clearly hurt her feelings. What attracted her to him was beyond me. I would have loved to ask her about it. The psychology of her mind would have been fascinating. I suspect she came from an abusive home and he reminded her of her father in that way that abusive people condition their targets to respond to abuse. Incidentally, Wesley is based, in no small part, on that guy. Even 15 years ago his ideas about women seemed cartoonishly backwards. So by today’s standards he’d practically seem insane. When he would see her walking up to the store he’d say shit like “Oh great, here comes my fat fuckhole.” If his wife was fat then, by his standards, I must have been some sort of strategically shaved cave troll. He always seemed openly bored about anything she said, barely paid attention, but she just acted like he was being perfectly reasonable. I’ve wondered if perhaps his attitude outside was some kind of macho act that he would instantly drop as soon as he was alone with her. She towered over him. 2 and a half feet at least. I’m not joking. She was just shy of seven feet tall. A foot taller than Nina. Imagine that for a second. Look at a frame of Nina and Ed and imagine she’s a foot taller than I draw her. Everything about their relationship haunts me to this day… What could he possibly have to attract her to him?

Last night I slept poorly. Somehow I git the blankets bunched under my side and woke up sick from having my spine bent for several hours. It’s been a while since that’s happened, but when it does it really messes me up. Why it makes me nauseous is a mystery, but it’s like that until the muscle relaxes and takes pressure off that spot on my side. Sometimes I can stretch it out, today I could not. I haven’t felt this crappy for a while now. So it was a real pain to have a reminder of what it’s like.