1931 So Many Talents.


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Well, I survived another Thanksgiving, but if I don’t do something about my weight I am seriously going to die. I was very conservative with my plate & didn’t have any pie at all. I also only had a banana for lunch, so I feel like I held back pretty well. My feet and knees swell so badly when I go anywhere that it makes me not want to ever do anything. It takes days for them to get back to normal sometimes. I really need to just stop drinking Dr Pepper completely, but I’m so addicted to it that it’s almost the only thing I actually look forward to drinking at all. I was down to a 90 calorie can a day but whenever anything stressful happens I want more to help get me through the day. It’s kind of ironic that I have so much of a problem with my weight because I don’t hate the kind of food that people classify as “healthy”. Barely cooked onion in a light sauce is more than enough for me a lot of the time. What I need is to combine them with a high protein bean of some sort and just subsist on that instead of canned stuff. The sodium levels are just too high in that sort of thing. It’s so much easier than cooking properly though. In some ways I’m actually doing better. I can breathe pretty clearly most of the time now. I don’t feel like I’m gasping for air unless my allergies are really bothering me. I can withstand being hot for much longer without feeling like I’m going to pass out instantly. I maintained a steady weight for a long time which was at least not making things worse but now I can’t seem to hold to the steady level anymore. The only major change in my habits has been drinking more soda. On some bad days I’ll drink as many as 3 cans which is almost 300 calories of essentially pure sugar. When I eat anything at all now I want a Dr Pepper to go with it. My brain has latched on to it somehow as nothing tasting right without it. As far as addictions go it’s pretty mild, but it’s still destructive. I’m not active enough in my daily life to be able to add that level of useless food to my diet and not have it do harm. The problem is convincing my brain of that, because as soon as I start to feel okay it convinces me that a sip isn’t going to hurt. How people ever get off of actual drugs I can’t fathom because I know how strong the urge is with just sugary drinks. Upping that desire by an order of magnitude would be insane to cope with, let alone stop.

Somebody was trying to tell me I needed to snack on trail mix because it’s healthy. I didn’t have the heart to explain why they were wrong. Trail mix is for active people doing things. As a food for sedentary people it’s terrible. It has sugar, protein, and salt generally for hiking type activities. When you’re trying to stay hydrated and energetic that’s what you need, but not if you’re in a room. That’s actually a big problem with “healthy snacks” because they almost all are just variations of trail mix. Nuts, berries, and some kind of carb, with flavoring, and salt.

I developed a taste for dry, unsalted, roasted peanuts. I don’t have a big problem with saturated fat, so they’re okay, but I actually get sick of them much faster than other food & they don’t make you feel like you’re “done” after an handful. They’re pretty much the only nut I like the taste of though. Sometimes I mix them with unsalted berries and stuff, which makes basically trail mix again, but without the salt it’s not nearly as bad for you if you aren’t active. I’ve also started eating little oranges instead of other things, which is a step in the right direction, but they’re sort of like a complex glass of water. It doesn’t feel like you’ve really eaten much of anything. Prunes are pretty good, but I always want a lot of them at a time and they’re more like candy in some ways than good food. Even with the fiber.

I dunno. I’m going to have to further change my habits to suit my lifestyle. Figuring out what exactly I need to do is the issue.