2016-08-22-BFP1580-unmanageable


1580. Unmanageable.

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It is sometimes hard to put myself in the mindset of my characters because they haven’t learned things that I have. I remember feeling like they do, and making stupid choices, arguing over ridiculous premises, or whatever, but now I feel like their being childish. I’m writing for people who are like a past version of myself. At the same time, I know I’m still doing stupid things that I’m too close to to see properly. I’m sitting here wondering what things they are. I know I’m doing them, but what I’m doing day to day seems like the right thing to do at the moment. It’s not always easy to step far enough back from your current self to objectively asses your activity.
When I was graduating from junior high they rounded us up and the principal gave a little speech. I don’t remember it anymore, but I remember the word he emphasized in it: introspection. Looking within. He advised us to try and objectively evaluate ourselves in our lives. I may well have been the only kid in that gymnasium listening. I was already familiar with the term, but I didn’t really apply it in that way until after that. That might well have been the only interaction I had with that man, but he affected my life with a handful of words. I don’t even know his name anymore. Over the years the evolution of my own introspection has led to certain things that I hold as important, like how important it is to know your own limitations and accept them. You don’t have to be bound to them, but you shouldn’t stop doing everything just because you can’t surpass your level of ability. Test your limitations and work within them until such time as you can surpass them. If you can’t ever exceed your limitations keep doing things anyway. A person who contributes nothing has no value.

I signed up for a couple of dating sites on a whim the other night. Not pay accounts. I just wanted to see how the mechanics of them worked. I only got one line in before the futility of the whole affair set in. After that I amused myself by making the most truthfully off putting profile I could. I answered the compatibility questions truthfully and no one who was suggested was higher than a 60%. 40% was the average, and the couple of women who exceeded that had deal breaking qualities. I suspected as much before I even started, but the reality made it more stark than the reality I’d crafted in my head. It was significantly more depressing than I expected. I feel like in a country with billions of people there should, statistically, be someone who is compatible with me. Perhaps an cash grab website isn’t the best place to find them. I don’t know what the alternative is though…

All I can do right now is just make this comic and draw stuff for people anyway, so there’s no point in worrying about anything else.