1516 Only A Sith.


She’s right, this will all come back to haunt her, although it probably won’t be as bad as she’s imagining.
It’s hard to decide how much of yourself to surrender to someone you love. Sometimes we keep too much of ourselves to ourselves for too long and it becomes malignant. I make it a point, especially now, to be as much as I am all at once so there aren’t too many surprises later on that could throw a wrench in things. Accepting your partner for who they are is important, but you need to let them know who that is, or how they react when you finally decide to show them may not be favorable.
Of course if your damage takes the form of abusiveness maybe you should keep that hidden forever and learn to be a better person. If someone drops that one into the mix the best thing to do is make for the hills, but the addictive nature of love sometimes blinds, or maybe binds, a person.
A lot of women who are attracted to me assume that my gentle nature means I lack the capacity to be abusive, but that’s simply not the case. When I abuse someone I do it with words, which is only marginally less damaging than with blows. I have a terrible temper, am moody, and am capable of deep cruelty. I know this about myself, so I try to keep it in check, but if I’m in pain I lash out at everyone and everything. That is a truthful assessment of my character. It’s not uncommon, but few people are self aware enough to grasp the reality of their darker natures. One of the many reasons I don’t drink, and never have, is because I think that I wouldn’t be a “fun drunk”, like people expect. It is my considered opinion that drinking would unchain the real monster that I am deep down. A hate fueled maniac that destroys everything in sight. It’s something about myself I don’t want to know for sure. The chance that alcohol might release an easygoing charmer isn’t worth the risk, in my opinion. Sometimes when you free a monster it’s nigh impossible to cage it again. A wiser man might not speak so frankly about such things, for fear of whittling down the list of potential mates even further, but what wisdom I have only springs from the knowledge that I have very little wisdom to draw from in the first place.