2015-12-21-BFP1475-hypotheticals


1475 Hypotheticals.

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Unless you start out at Christian mingle I guess every couple has to go through this talk. Even then I expect there are differences of opinion about how to indoctrinate your potential kids. Putting it off is a bad idea, in my opinion. This is the kind of thing you should get to early on if you intend to get serious with someone. Finding out your sky gods don’t mesh is a real problem late in the game. I’ve run into trouble with religion in relationships before. Its a pretty good indicator of how things will go overall. I think it takes a special kind of pair to make interfaith relationships work. Or maybe just two people who were raised in two religions and then never gave them a thought after they were old enough to stop paying attention…

Today was a hard day. After I took my noon pill I kept almost fainting over and over. I had felt bad yesterday in the evening after I took the second half of my other pill, but wasn’t feeling faint, just not right. Eventually it passed and I was able to sketch Tuesdays page. I had just started preparing to finish it today when the incident occurred. I spent almost the entire day in bed. These incidents are very traumatizing because the fear exacerbates the experience. I was just walking down the hall and my arms suddenly went ice cold, my legs started giving out, and the lights started getting very bright. My doctor told me that the chances of these things being fatal are low, but in the moment it’s very hard to give in and let your body do whatever it wants. In theory as long as I go down without hurting myself I’ll just pass out and wake up in about 30 seconds. It’s not a theory I’m comfortable testing when I’m alone in the house and no one will find me for hours if I don’t restart right away. Dying like that would be bad enough, but somehow surviving with brain damage, like the Teen’s mother, would be an endless hell for someone whose only value in the world comes from his mind.

Anyway, I’m basically fine now. The damage from these things is more from my panic than the actual experience, or so I’m told. I’m not really sure the fainting itself can be absolved since the fear response wouldn’t happen nessecarily without it. At this point what we think is happening is the one pill is just slightly too much and the addition of the other makes my blood pressure drop too low. The fainting is my body trying to regulate that drop. It’s basically exactly the same thing that happened in the doctors office both times except it isn’t because of the damaged blood vessels in my leg now, at least not totally since some of them are healed.

That’s how i spent my day though. Now, of course, I feel nervous and unhappy, and my body feels shaky. It usually takes a couple of days to get over it all. I’ll just distract myself as best I can until then. To eight I’ll try and finish Tuesdays page, tomorrow I’ll see if I can do Fridays all at once. That would leave me with most of the week to get the next weeks pages done. Still behind, but not catastrophically.

I have found that my nasal pillows would work better if the were angled differently. Ive been trying to devise a way to squeeze them such that the airflow would always be at this optimum angle. So far I have failed. They make ones that just go over your nose, but my nose, like the rest of my head, is probably shaped incorrectly for one. I’d really like a selection of masks to try out, which is what I should have been presented with on day one. The lack of preparation on the part of the representatives is just another indicator of how little the health of others seems to concern them. I was presented with a large mask, which didn’t seal on my face even when bolted on as tight as it would go, but that was all she had on her… what a joke. I was still way too sick to put up a fight at the time. All my energy was being directed to not falling over. It was ridiculous to think I could get proper service in that state. But whatever, that’s the way it was and I have to deal with the reality that I chose a bad company. Until I can change that I have to play in their circus.