The other day I saw the creepiest thing.  An old lady, walking her dog, who was wearing her hair in pigtails.  She had on a red, white, and blue, leather jacket, with a matching bandanna on her canine.  It made my soul throw up. 

If she’d had a ponytail that would have been fine; but something about twin tails, done up in colorful string on her ancient head, made me wonder if perhaps, just perhaps, I had seen enough, and could go home and end my life.  Safe in the knowledge that I was now unable to feel joy. 

Thankfully I had a bottle of Dr. Pepper handy.  It’s glorious flavor was able to bring me back from the very precipice of despair.  It was a near thing though.  You almost lost me, kids.