737 Doe Eyes.


I’m pretty sick, so if this post gets a little weird bear with me.

Some of this stuff has been gone over in the comments for yesterday’s page, but rather than respond directly I’ll just go over my views here.

As you know I rarely get new games. I like to wait them out till they get a significant price drop. On this rare occasion however I managed to get a new copy of Fable 3 for half price. So I’m actually playing a game that’s in the current cycle. I have enjoyed it very much, that said Fable 3 does several VERY WRONG things.

The thing about DLC is that it should ALWAYS feel like a bonus and NEVER like part of the game that was held for ransom. Fable 3 absolutely violates this rule. The most blatant offense is the dye pack. It has black dye in it, which is the color everyone wants. It should not be something you have to buy separately. It is glaringly petty, and greedy. You make extra weapons a premium item, not something that limits customization in a game that is primarily about customization. That said, black is a shit color since you end up not being able to see yourself in caves. But that’s as may be. The rest of the DLC is pretty reasonable. You can instantly upgrade your dog to the max, which is tantamount to cheating. Needless to say that was my first purchase. The adventure packs are nice expansions that feel like extra content. When you finish Fable 3 you feel like you experienced a complete story and were not cheated out of anything. In fact there are several free weapons you get right off the bat now. They aren’t the greatest, in fact they mostly seem to favor evil, but whatever, they’re free.
Unfortunately the selection of clothing in Fabe 3 is relatively limited, much like in 2. There’s just not enough variation. There’s also a weird thing about hats. If you put on most hats you become bald. That is bullshit. At least stick some hair TO THE HAT, so when you stick it on you still HAVE HAIR. The style of hair available are also pretty sparse, and shit looking if we’re honest. Basically you’re given the ability to look like the regular sclubs. Which is totally what I want to do when I’m a badass hero. Please give me the option to dress up like an ugly whore or a fat merchant. There are a few cool outfits. Much more for the male side than the female though. Basically you end up finding one you can tolerate an wearing it throughout the game.
Another rule that Fable 3 violates is making some of the achievements require gold status Xbox Live. There is game content that I will NEVER be able to access because of this. That bothers me. I should not feel punished for not being able to afford their very pricey service. Now if there’s some kind of cooperative online mode separate from the game itself that’s different. The main game, however, should feel complete. Of course the contents of most of the demon doors is to terrible the only reason to open them is the achievement. I’m still not so obsessed with them that I’m going to stress not being able to 100% any game. There are demon doors in Fable 3 that contain items you can buy IN THE SHOPS ALL OVER THE WORLD FROM THE START OF THE GAME… What the fuck is that about? Why have the damn things at all if the only thing inside is A SUIT I’M ALREADY WEARING!?

I don’t want these criticisms to make it seem like they detracted significantly from my experience or ruined the game in any way. They are annoyances in a game I absolutely enjoyed and was sad about when I finished it. The voice talent is spectacular. Stephen Fry returns as Reaver & Zoe Wanamaker as Theresa. John Cleese is the voice of your, well, subscreen essentially. It’s good that he’s cool because you spend a lot of time going in and out of the damn place. I can’t remember his name but the voice of Walter Beck is awesome. Ben Kingsly is in it… Um, the Shaun of the Dead guy, who is also spectacular. The main cast is just stellar is what I’m saying.

The weapon leveling thing was relatively cool. Some of the requirements are needlessly annoying though. I really enjoyed the gunplay. Mele weapons suffer this time around unfortunately. Magic is pretty wildly powerful, but I still had to gunsling my way out of several situations when spamming magic wouldn’t cut it. Plus magic is kind of boring. The guns were the most fun. My favorite gun is one of the few you can always get, which is nice for replays. Most of the weapons you have available are randomly chosen. Another unfortunate DLC/Xbox Live issue. In order to get all the weapons you have to go to someone else’s game. Bullshit.

I kind of missed the target choice ability from Fable 2, but it wasn’t a deal breaker. I liked that they ditched the stupid orb collection for experience gathering. That was always a stupid idea. Being able to buy land essentially negates any need to search for gold past the second section of the game. Which is sad because there’s nothing much to buy with it once you get it. You do need a lot to save the kingdom and get the best ending though. I was glad I didn’t have to do any shitty grinding to make the budget deficit up. That would have been terrible.

I didn’t understand the obsession with touching people in this game. The dude who came up with Fable really gets some stupid ideas stuck in his head sometimes. Like the new way expressions are used, holding hands, the transformation flourishes… Not quite as cool as growing horns if you act like a dick all the time. At the same time that mechanic always went too far too. I don’t necessarily want to look like Gandalf if I’m super nice to people. Being able to exert some sort of control over that would be better. Maybe make that part of the leveling rather than dye assortments. (Seriously? Learning to dye clothes is a skill I have to level now?) The in game jobs are completely ruined by how easy it is to become a landowner. The only reason to learn a trade is to level up certain weapons. Plus they are essentially crappy minigames. If I wanted to play Guitar Hero I’d FUCKING PLAY GUITAR HERO. I don’t like Guitar Hero so I sure as fuck don’t want to play a shit version of it to level up a sword…

I’m not doing a very good job of explaining how much I loved Fabe 3… You’re just going to have to take my word for it that in spite of all these annoyances I have had a massive amount of fun playing the game.