291 Thomas 1 – Ed 2.


I’ve had some quality time with Mario Kart Wii, so I have findings to share with the general public. First of all, I’ve tried out all the available control methods. To that end, I have decided that the Wiimote and nunchuck are the winning team for me.  Waggleing the wand about when I want to trick boost works for me.  I don’t have to search for a button that way.  The Wiiwheel is a cute gimmick, but I can’t find a place for all of my digits. Maybe it’s just me. I just can’t seem to find a comfortable way to hold the wheel while still being able to make sweet love to the various buttons. The classic controller feels very natural, except for the trick button(s?). The Gamecube controller is, essentially, the same thing in an old package.The gameplay itself is pretty similar to the DS title, which I like. The new drift boost system is much less annoying though. I never liked the constant control masturbation that MKDS encouraged. I like the trick boosts too, even though the old tracks have so few places to use it.The thing that pisses me off about MK Wii is how overpowered the items seem. In MKDS you could get nailed by a blue shell and still pull off a win. I’ve been inches from the line several times on the Wii only to be buried by some random item. Once you take a hit your driver spends several agonizing moments screaming, and crying, like a little bitch. As the outside observer you are then forced to watch the entire field zoom past you. Even with a commanding lead you can go from 1st to 12th in a matter of seconds. It is… frustrating.

The new items are fine, for the most part. It’s not fun to be on the receiving end of a mega mushroom, but crushing your enemies with one is wildly entertaining. The one item I don’t like is the transfer cloud. Item boxes used to be filled with hope, but now the grim spectre of getting dicked over looms in their happy shadow. I understand that the weapon system is an integral part of the Mario Kart games, but would it be too much to ask for a no items mode? Even as an unlock after you’ve suffered through getting star rankings in all the grand prix races? I’d just like to see what it’s like to just get on the track and race. No bullshit. Just racing.

Anyway, Mario Kart Wii isn’t perfect but, as we all know, perfection is a myth. The game is still the most fun I’ve had with my Wii so far. That’s really saying something, considering it had to out fun Brawl. Maybe it would be in second place if my friends were around to play Brawl. I don’t know. All I know is that playing Smash Brothers online is a very pure form of suck, but that’s another post entirely.