Okay, this goes up on Wednesday. It feels like it’s Thursday to me.

My eyes are really bothering me today. The air is full of dust and animal dander. I’ve tried clearing them with eyedrops but it really isn’t getting the job done. I need new glasses again. My current pair are quickly becoming useless. The fact that the stupid ass UV coating scratched off of one lens didn’t help any. I’m not sure where I’m going to go to get a new prescription since no one has done a good job of analyzing my eyes since I was 16 or so. They all rely on those machines, but they never seem to do it right. The last time I got a decent pair of glasses the guy that did it was an old school, old man, who is absolutely dead by now, that used his ancient device and served me up a pair of glasses that served me for over a decade. At the moment my eyes are burning and feel like they have gunk all in them that I can’t wash out. Yesterday it was much better but the wind wasn’t blowing fine dust everywhere. I can smell it in the air. I honestly don’t know how I managed to draw the page because I’m having a bitch of a time seeing the screen.
My right eye has been my close up vision eye for most of my life but now it’s not particularly good at any distance. The left one has always been better at distance and it isn’t deteriorating as fast. At this point it’s doing most of the heavy lifting in everyday life. When I put on my glasses it still works more or less fine with the lens that’s for it while the other eye is only somewhat improved. One of the biggest problems I’ve had with my eyes in the last few years is that they don’t want to work in tandem when I’m in motion. They fight over dominance and it makes me feel unbalanced. They always did that to one degree or another but as I’ve aged it’s become more and more pronounced. Especially when my glasses weren’t calibrated properly.
In the last few years I’ve unconsciously started using whichever eye is under control of the most awake part of my brain. I know I’ve spoken about this before but my consciousness moves around in my head. Meaning that the version of me that’s driving the meat robot feels like it moves around depending on whatever my condition is. Like, when I’m under extreme stress, or grieving, my right eye will close and part of my brain will go into low power mode so I can get through whatever I need to. It switches on its own and I’m not sure how much control I have over it, I just know that it’s a thing that happens. When I’m in a state that is very normal I seem to sit in the front of my head a bit more. I sometimes wonder what would happen if I became blind because my awareness seems to always become untethered if I’m in the dark for an extended period of time while not sleeping. Would I just sort of float around in my head? When I close my eyes I generally feel like my awareness moves into my forehead a little. My thoughts seem to come from the back of my head and move to my mouth even when I’m not talking out loud. Also the voice in my head seems to be more everywhere than the way my awareness is focused in a single place. I know most people don’t think about this sort of thing because they are often confused when I ask. It’s hard to conceive of an existence where you don’t have a brain that works like mine because this is the only kind I have. I know that there are people who must have a very different existence though since some people don’t think to themselves, or can’t visualize things. It’s kind of a shame that I didn’t think about this kind of thing as much when I was in school because I would have asked other artists about it. I can’t imagine being an artist if you can’t visualize things in your mind.

Anyway, I guess that’s enough of that for now. It’s almost posting time. The problem with the website not appearing for some people will probably be solved in the next day or two. I got a message from the server admin that said the domain registrar wasn’t updating a thing and I needed to do it myself. So when I get the login from mom I’ll do that. She took the password book with her.

I’ll see you guys on Friday I hope. I also hope you have a nice Wednesday and Thursday. Until next we meet, flup the florp.

2910 Cold Spots.

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