It’s been quite a week. I’m sure many of you are anxious because I certainly have been. In spite of the fact that I have very little influence on the world I am compelled to take the weight of all its problems onto my shoulders. Combined with my actual weight that’s a bit much. I’ve been gritting my teeth so hard on one side that my face has gotten an infection on that side. It’s been quite some time since I’ve done that. I’ve also been spending more time in the old study which seems to really get my allergies going. I put one of my purifiers in there to mitigate the issue and had to vacuum out the filter today. I’m going to see about cleaning the closet out a bit and seeing if I can seal up any places that might be letting insulation fibers get out. Long time readers will remember when I was sleeping in there for a while I had a lot more anxiety problems. There’s some x factor in there that seems to irritate me and allergens is probably the most likely thing. Combining that with the fact that this years has been legendarily bad for allergies already I probably should have just waited till winter to try and tackle the cleaning project. It is what it is though, so I’m getting by as best I can. If I could rinse out my sinuses I absolutely would though.
I started taking an allergy pill right as I lay down to sleep and it has reduced my nightmares to almost zero as long as my mask doesn’t come off or I don’t twist into a weird position in my sleep. That reduced me waking up in complete panic quite a bit. Not totally, but enough that I don’t have that also being a constant thing. I did have a really severe anxiety attack out of nowhere the other day, but I had gone outside right as they were bailing hay or whatever. The machines were literally 100 feet away and I sat in the path of the dust because I didn’t realize the way the wind was blowing. I was like “well shit” when I realized what I had done. I could feel the dust getting into my eyes right away. Then I decided it probably wasn’t that big a deal and sat out there for 20 minutes or so. I regretted it pretty quick after going back in. Once I have that happen it takes several days for me to wind back down to normal and I keep doing things to irritate my sinuses on top of it. Really I have mostly myself to blame, although I feel like world events should take a bit of the heat too…

I rinsed my eyes out but it’s been particularly bad today. My nose feels like it has an inner crust that I can’t sweep out and my sinuses are in quite a state. I’ve also been living with my awareness stuck behind my left eye most of the time, which is the one most affected by the irritation.

2884 There’s Always Room.

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