My heart thing is scheduled for January, so they must not think I’m in that much danger.

I was out and about so I’ve 100% confirmed that the weird smell is not just in my head. When she tried to smell it my mother could smell every other thing in my room except the smell, so whatever it is she is completely nose blind to it. It doesn’t follow me into the world excepting for the part of it that is burned into my sinuses. It happens over and over and I don’t die so it’s not something extremely deadly. I tried to vacuum out the vent the last time it happened but the hose wasn’t long enough to get it if it’s some physical thing. I don’t know what would only become activated when certain conditions are met.
At this point it’s reduced enough that it’s only somewhat maddening. I should go back to last Thanksgiving’s posts and see if I was complaining about it then. Maybe it’s just something that happens the first time we start using the heater each year. Maybe next year I can plan for it and save up for an extended hotel stay someplace. Or just live in the shed for a few days.

This goes up on Wednesday so it will be Thanksgiving on Thursday I think. If you celebrate it I hope you have a nice time and stay safe. I don’t really enjoy it like when Grandma was still alive and Grandpa was still functional. That’s just the way of things obviously. You’re supposed to move on and start your own family and traditions as you age, but since I never started a family of my own we just sort of migrated over to my cousin’s setup. Which is fine, they have a super nice house and always make sure to make ham for me since I don’t like turkey, but it’s not grandma’s house and it’s never going to be. That’s over, but something in me refuses to just be happy that at least I have a few people who will tolerate me for holiday occasions. I think that on some level we all feel like that. Grandma was a huge part of all our lives and she lived through the majority of the eldest grandchildren’s lives. In some ways I never really stopped to mourn the losses that happened over the last 4 or 5 years. Not in a way that resolved the issues for me. There was never a time to stop. If I don’t keep moving there’s no money for my life. That’s true of everyone for the most part, but with most people the store doesn’t close if you take a week off of work. And now if I fuck something up badly, or end up not being able to work there’s no one left to bail me out. Everyone is running on fumes.
I think I must look stressed because people keep asking me if I am, and I have to remember that they aren’t trying to get at me. I don’t need to respond in an unkind manner. Most people have no concept of the uncommon nature of what I do. Most people don’t have to worry about the internet and the roving gangs of weirdos that wander the streets of the information superhighway looking for victims, who they can victimize, by pretending to be victimized by them. Most people couldn’t even parse out the context of that sentence because in the real world it’s abnormal for people to act like that. Despite what the media would have you believe. I’m trying to get attention for a very niche thing on a version of the internet that largely abandoned the specific form of what I do years ago. A version that was pirated by corporate raiders who stole all the monetization for themselves. People like me are largely left with the subscription model, which is a hard sell for a 200+ page comic about essentially nothing. That said, this works so much better than ads ever did. By the time I was making ok money with ads the rise of adblock was upon us and Google was destroying the marketplace anyway. I’m lucky I got out with what I have. (I actually don’t even see the ads I still have on my site because I can’t figure out how to get my virus protection to OK my own site. Every time I think I’ve done it it doesn’t work. Which makes me feel very stupid.)
I’m thinking about this because since I’ve been around people and had to explain my job I got a lot of blank stares again.

Whatever, I’m bored of talking about it. I hope you guys have a nice couple of days. I’ll have a new page up on Friday because what else am I gonna do really? Until then, lurky your turkey.

2913 Stay Silent.

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