The other day I saw the creepiest thing. An old lady, walking her dog, who was wearing her hair in pigtails. She had on a red, white, and blue, leather jacket, with a matching bandanna on her canine. It made my soul throw up.
If she’d had a ponytail that would have been fine; but something about twin tails, done up in colorful string on her ancient head, made me wonder if perhaps, just perhaps, I had seen enough, and could go home and end my life. Safe in the knowledge that I was now unable to feel joy.
Thankfully I had a bottle of Dr. Pepper handy. It’s glorious flavor was able to bring me back from the very precipice of despair. It was a near thing though. You almost lost me, kids.