1622 Things.


Maddison isn’t super subtle.

I decided to go to the store on my own yesterday. Just going out by myself to feel like a regular human for a change. I’ve been feeling well enough that I can do my daily walking and I hardly got sick at all from being in the hellish atmosphere in my grandparent’s house. I figured it would just be a nice outing where I could get away from my room for a little while. I already had the sketch done for tonight so I could just come home, finish it, and everything would be cool. In fact everything was fine until I started home. I realized that the back passenger wheel sounded funny and the truck started to list to that side. I pulled into the nearest lighted, empty, parking lot and saw that my tire was completely ruined. It was pretty cold out, but I’m always feeling so hot it doesn’t really get to me, so I decided to just change the tire. I had my spare ready and always have the tools to do it in the truck anyway. It’s not like changing a tire is super difficult or strenuous. I was breathing hard by the time I almost had the spare on then it suddenly dawned on me that I couldn’t catch my breath. No matter how much I took in it was like I wasn’t getting any air. I went from breathing hard to gasping and then I started to pass out. I recognize the signs now. It’s happened enough times, recently enough, that I’m familiar with it. Then my chest started to hurt. Which isn’t abnormal. My sternum always hurts so I tend to ignore it. There’s something wrong with it as I’ve explained before. But the pain started to spread down my arms and my sides. I quickly imagined myself passing out in the cold and freezing to death from just not waking up fast enough. I thought about trying to walk to the convenient store but took one step and realized I couldn’t make it. My thoughts are starting to get muddled, but I’m panicking now so I’m thinking very fast. If I pass out in my truck I could suffocate from not being able to breathe sitting there. If it’s a heart attack no one is going to stop because I’ve already been out here obviously changing a tire in the cold and many, many, people haven’t stopped to see if I needed any help. So before it’s too late I call 911. I’m starting to slide in and out of awareness but I hear the voice of the operator ask me my age and emergency. I tell her where I am, and what’s happening, and the line apparently goes dead. I know the hospital is really close to where I am so it won’t be long. I reach into the truck and lock the door. Then there’s a blank spot in my memory. I’m not sure what happened. Some part of me must have reached in and grabbed my surface because I become aware of it being really cold in my hands. I’m in some kind of autopilot. The part of me that is conscious of what I do is not the part of me that’s driving though. I’m aware that my chest still hurts and it feels like someone is trying to pull my arm out of the socket. Then I get into the ambulance somehow. I start being aware of myself in a more normal way about the time that the EMT tells me that my blood pressure is high. I don’t know the number system for it so I don’t know exactly how in danger I am, plus I’m not all there. He gives me aspirin and nitro glycerin just to be safe. He asks if I want to go to the hospital and my response is “I’m not the medical professional. What should I do?” And he says it’s probably a good idea to get checked out. I am starting to pass out but I call my dad and tell him what’s going on before I dip out again. I don’t remember the actual ride to the hospital. I vaguely remember getting on to the ER bed. I see someone sit my stuff on a chair. My chest is on fire. I can feel my heartbeat in my ears. It feels like they are going to start bleeding. Then my dad gets there. I know, logically it’s been at least 15 minutes since I called him. Because that’s at least how long it takes to get to town. I don’t remember that time passing. I know I get a chest x ray at some point and I can tell no one is very concerned about my condition. I must not be in any real danger because they have a shift change and I’m basically left alone for… hours? At least 2 I think. My chest starts to really hurt and I finally tell my dad so he flags down a nurse. She gives me this white cup of lidocaine? Which numbs me from the inside apparently. For a half hour or so I have less pain than I have felt in months. My dad who has been watching my BP the entire time notes that is suddenly drops down to something more like normal as soon as the stuff kicks in.
The whole time I’ve apparently been messaging and tweeting, but I don’t become aware of that until about this point. I’ve been having conversations that I don’t fully remember, took at least one picture, posted it, and who knows what else. Even now I don’t have full memories of what I was doing. If not for the phone keeping track I might not know I did anything at all. Which is insane. The idea that there’s part of my brain that can function without me being fully conscious blows the part of my mind that’s capable of being blown.
Eventually a doctor shows up and says that as far as he can tell there’s nothing super wrong with me. I haven’t had a heart attack. He then asks about the various conditions that I already have, which I’m aware of so he’s like “Okay, so this is stuff you’re already being treated for.” I tell him about my blood pressure meds and he posits that since I take them in the afternoon that when I did the strenuous work they caused my body to do all the stuff it just did. Basically I shouldn’t do really strenuous things after taking it for several hours. Although I don’t see changing a tire as strenuous, so I guess you have to kind of know your body… I’m going to need to follow up with my actual doctor soon, but there’s probably nothing wrong with me apart from doing stuff I shouldn’t with the medication I’m on and in the shape that I’m in. Of course this whole thing is probably going to cost a minimum of $1000 dollars, so that ruins a lot of stuff I wanted to do for a long time, but I’m not dead at least.
Eventually a nurse came and asked if I felt well enough to go home. I said “You tell me, medical professional. Am I okay to go home?” She said that as long as I felt like I could walk I should be fine, so I walked out on my own. Dad and I gathered up my truck since I was nearly done changing the tire anyway. Although my spare was flat for some reason, so I would have had to air it up if I hadn’t started to pass out. I drove it home and was wide awake, so I finished the page and here we are.
I spent almost all day in bed today. My body is sore like it’s bruised all over. My hands and feet are the only things that don’t feel like they got beaten up. That said, I should be fine to do the next page. Hopefully I’m not super sore tomorrow, since it’s always sore a little first then the worst day, then back to normal with muscle pain it seems like. In any case you’re stuck with me for a while longer.